To be raging that friends blabbed my pregnancy news?

(72 Posts)
Inglori0us Sun 03-Nov-13 07:36:23

I told one friend I was pregnant when I was 9 weeks. She's not a particularly close friend but she was at the end of her second pregnancy at the time and I was visiting her for lunch/play date with our dds and I wanted to tell someone.
I asked her not to tell anyone.
It now seems she told her bil & sil (also friends of mine) who then told other mutual friends.
I am RAGING. How dare they tell people this, especially as I've not personally told them, or put it on fb or anything?
This is the same couple who hijacked my 30th birthday party to announce their engagement btw.
I'm livid.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 03-Nov-13 10:20:16

YABU for still flapping about this 7 weeks later. Does it really matter?!

flowery Sun 03-Nov-13 10:20:49

I actually agree with the OP that it should be reasonable to expect someone to keep something a secret if you specifically ask them to do so (although I wouldn't include non close friends/family in that expectation), but OP you are overreacting and also "raging" at the wrong people.

By your own admission, she wasn't a close friend, perhaps she didnt feel loyal enough to keep it quiet for you.

It's her who is at fault.

LittlePeaPod Sun 03-Nov-13 10:28:53

Op if the news was of vital importance to you, why on earth were you sharing it with someone you are not that close to? If I need to share something of vital importance to me, I share it with people I am very close to and I know I can trust. And if it bothered you that much, why did you not deal with this 7 weeks ago?

Why are you getting all emotional and angry with people on the thread because they don't agree and are not reaffirming your opinion. Did you expect everyone to say "ohh poor you OP, how awful"? confused. Seriously, do you normally over react like this?

MoldieOldNaiceHam Sun 03-Nov-13 10:31:44

I think your obvious dislike of this couple is clouding your judgement.

You are focusing your anger on the wrong people. Your friend should not have blabbed. She did. Unfortunately it was to people you have a massive problem with already. You have made it into a big thing.

Let it go now.

luxemburgerli Sun 03-Nov-13 10:32:04

Everyone saying that you keep it to yourself or expect it to spread - what happens if you NEED to tell some people? I had to tell a couple of people at work far earlier than I'd have liked due to complications. Should I have had to share a possibly very risky pregnancy with the entire world, because I couldn't possibly expect them to keep a secret?

I'm glad my colleagues turned out to have more integrity than most people expect!

Mia4 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:32:58

YANBU to feel annoyed by the friend OP, she broke your confidence but YWBVU to be annoyed at the couple-it may not be their news to share but since friend knew and told them they likely thought it was common knowledge so it was free-for-all.

You need to look back in hindsight though OP if this is still bothering you; you may have needed to tell someone but instead of telling a close trusted friend you chose a friend who isn't that close and who wouldn't care much about trust. You need to let this go and learn from it. Don't tell said friend any more trusted news and if she asks (which I presume she won't since you aren't close friends) why you aren't telling her anything any more then just be honest and say you don't trust her.

Having it out with anyone will make you look unreasonable, especially with the couple.

Mia4 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:35:49

luxemburgerli OP should have told someone trusted, this friend wasn't close and wasn't trusted or at least didn't see herself as needing to keep the trust.

With your boss and certain colleagues (like yours) they may be gossips and want to blab - some even do!- but since pregnancy disclosure is a confidential thing they're more likely held back by the worry someone will to to HR in anger then anything else.

luxemburgerli Sun 03-Nov-13 10:38:01

Well I guess I never realised people found it so hard to just keep their mouths shut. Very surprised at the responses, but you live and learn!

Coconutty Sun 03-Nov-13 10:39:38

YABU to expect people to keep it quiet if you haven't asked them to i.e the BIL/SIL.

Mia4 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:42:01

luxemburgerli It's the effect, OP told one person and asked her not to tell anyone else then friend told other friends and asked them not to tell anyone else. The friends told friend and so on.

Surely you must know some people that you just don't tell certain things? I have close friends I implicitly trust not to blab secretes but other friends are well known gossips and anyone telling them anything in confidence would get a 'what do you expect, your fault' from someone if they moaned about a confidence being broken.

massagegirl Sun 03-Nov-13 10:43:32

YANBU you told someone a secret. It's not hard to keep a secret. I've been told about baby pregnancies in secret and not blabbed. No wonder you are angry. At least you know this friend can't be trusted. Some people on here like to have a go at anything. YANBU to be upset that someone couldn't keep their gob shut! Good luck with your pregnancy and focus on that

luxemburgerli Sun 03-Nov-13 10:53:37

Yes, there are certain people I would tell nothing to Mia, but they are a very small minority. Whereas people on this thread seem to be suggesting that it is very unreasonable to expect anyone to keep quiet pregnancy news, and so you should tell no one.

Choosing who you tell wisely as you're suggesting would seem a more sensible approach.

Mia4 Sun 03-Nov-13 11:06:04

Some people seem to be suggesting that luxemburgerli , but I think the majority are just of the mind the OP chose the wrong person to tell and is directing her anger at the wrong people about it.

I do agree there are people you can trust, but choosing wisely has to be done.

Beccagain Sun 03-Nov-13 11:06:25

This very subject was covered in some detail a few weeks ago.

Here it is

That is NOT to say that it shouldn't be done again, but you might find some additional takes on it.

In the earlier thread it was the MiL who spilled the beans, so I guess the OP there might have had a more reasonable expectation that she keep it quiet. On your own say so, this friend was not particularly close so I guess she had not very much invested in it and may well have forgotten that you asked her to keep it zipped.

I am pretty much alongside those who say if you want to keep it a secret, keep it a secret!

Congratulations btw flowers

PS I have read this thread but somewhat rapidly. If someone has already brought up the previous thread I apologise!

livingzuid Sun 03-Nov-13 11:20:00

Oh my god what is with the attack on the op? She told someone something in confidence, particularly of some sensitivity, with pregnant hormones raging and all rest of it and other reasons we may not know about and she should have expected people to behave with integrity and kept it quiet.

Instead we should all be expected for it to be fair game because she told ONE person in confidence and people can start telling her news to who they want and that's OK because that's just the way it is?? I guess that most of the respondents would merrily gossip about someone's pregnancy without having spoken to said pregnant lady first so that behaviour is therefore acceptable.

No. People should keep their traps shut. OP is not unreasonable at all for being so upset. I told two colleagues at work so they knew I wasn't slacking. I have no intention of telling my employer until I am ready. Or anyone else.

paxtecum Sun 03-Nov-13 11:31:33

YABVU.

Maybe your not so close friend forgot she was supposed to keep it a secret.

Were you planning to ring her at some time and let her know it was no longer a secret and she could mention it to others.

YABVU to tell a not close friend yours news and then ask her to keep it a secret.

Concentrate on the joy of being pregnant rather than RAGING about something that is so minor in the big scheme of life.

Best wishes to you.

Mia4 Sun 03-Nov-13 11:41:07

poster livingzuid, did you read the whole thread? Ddd you see the OP commenting that she's not annoyed with the friend who broke the confidence but instead with others who broke that friend's confidence?

OP isn't unreasonable for being upset but she's unreasonable to be so upset and raging at everyone other then the person she originally told who told other people. She wants to have it out with those people and not the friend who started it it- that is unreasonable.

And no, it shouldn't be considered fair game I would be upset too in OPs position, but with the right person-not everyone else. I'd also consider just who I'm telling before teling because some people really can't keep stum and should be avoided.

Willabywallaby Sun 03-Nov-13 17:15:03

I am slowly learning in life that you can't expect others to do as you would, it leads to disappointment.

Retroformica Sun 03-Nov-13 17:27:33

Make sure she is the last one to know next time. Say 20 weeks or so.

I agree she should if kept your confidence. That's what close and true friends do. She is obviously completely untrustworthy and the sort of person who likes everything to be about them.

I'd pop something into the conversation next time you see them. After the usual catch up id mention that you were really upset that she broke your confidence after you clearly had told her to keep quiet about things. Id also say that it's water under the bridge bit you have learnt a lesson about not trusting her.

Retroformica Sun 03-Nov-13 17:30:00

I yjk you can only be cross with the person who initially broke your confidence and not the people she told.

CoffeeTea103 Sun 03-Nov-13 19:38:31

The only person you should be angry with is yourself. She wasn't a close friend, so you didn't really know how trustworthy a friend she would be and yet you still told her? Yabu

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