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...to find it rude and annoying when visiting children on playdates beg and wheedle for extra time?

(35 Posts)
parakeet Sat 02-Nov-13 23:05:21

When their parents turn up all I hear is "NO, I don't want to go home" or "Can I have five more minutes?". Which I know from experience would turn into another five minutes and another. And all the parents do is simper at them ineffectually from the front door (while letting all the warm air out).

I have started taking matters into my own hands and hustling the children out the door myself, handing them their coats, shoes etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming my children are paragons of virtue, but there is no way I would stand for this performance.

ZangelbertBingeldac Sat 02-Nov-13 23:07:19

Why don't you invite the parents in so they can actually come in and start getting their child and their child's stuff together? confused

SkullyAndBones Sat 02-Nov-13 23:07:54

mind you judgey pants dont pinch too tight won't you.

I'd be flattered that the child enjoyed playing at my house and then carry on... i wouldn't find it rude or annoying.

If i felt a mom my kids had spent time with thought them asking for more time was 'rude and annoying' i wouldn't let my kids near their house again!

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets Sat 02-Nov-13 23:09:49

Isn't it just what kids do?

I still do this when I don't want to leave the pub but friend does

frogspoon Sat 02-Nov-13 23:11:38

I wouldn't be annoyed at the children, but at the parents.

They are clearly enjoying themselves at your home, so it is natural that they don't want to leave.

However it is their parent's responsibility to make sure they leave in a timely manner if it is clear that you are ready for them to go home.

CrocodileScream Sat 02-Nov-13 23:14:32

Good lord you leave the parents on the doorstep? hmm.

Yes it's annoying and should be discouraged but it's also just what kids do.

parakeet Sat 02-Nov-13 23:14:33

It might be what children do, but I would expect their parents to quickly say "No, come on, home, NOW."

I do sometimes invite them in, but I have learned from experience if I need the children to leave quickly, it is best for me to manage the leaving process in order to expedite it as much as possible.

Donkeyok Sat 02-Nov-13 23:15:12

Perhaps they would feel uncomfortable being heavy with their kids in your hallway. We defer responsibility somewhat in someone else's house. You have just been the substitute parent. They are probably following your lead. You've helped get everything ready for a quick get away that's fine and I am sure it is actually welcome. Personally I sometimes like to have a cup of tea and catch up with mums. Its just a phase the dc will grow out of I expect they are talking to their dc about their tantrums when they get outside your house. I would feel more awkward if someone was being too heavy with their kid in my house confused

Bunbaker Sat 02-Nov-13 23:15:55

I'd be flattered that the child enjoyed playing at my house and then carry on... i wouldn't find it rude or annoying.

Same here. Also, I wouldn't keep the parent shivering on the doorstep, I would invite them in because I am not rude.

FeisMom Sat 02-Nov-13 23:17:34

I think all children do that tbh and if they did the opposite and rushed up to their parent and said "I'm so glad you are here, take me home quick" I'd worry what had gone wrong.

I usually return the DCs home to their parent so that I control when the playdate comes to an end. Or reply something like "Well it would be lovely if you could stay a bit longer, but we actually need to go out to ...insert made up place name"

FriendlyLadybird Sat 02-Nov-13 23:17:53

You have to let the parents in. It's pretty difficult to be effective from the doorway. All playdates end like this, in my experience. I prefer it to the alternative -- when they can't wait to leave!

ancientbuchanan Sat 02-Nov-13 23:18:48

You just say, when you hear the doorbell

That's your mum so it's time to get your coat on..
I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself. We need to get on now but perhaps you can come back another day.

Unless you are feeling hospitable in which case you invite the parents in for a cup of tea.

The parents may not be picking up the right signals.

GW297 Sat 02-Nov-13 23:20:32

Can't you remember when you were a child on a play date or had a friend round to play and you were having the best time and were gutted when the grown ups called time on it?

Donkeyok Sat 02-Nov-13 23:21:45

Roxanne grin are you down the pub now

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets Sat 02-Nov-13 23:22:58

If I was I wouldn't be posting here grin

parakeet Sat 02-Nov-13 23:23:32

I was always taught (and am trying to teach my children) it is rude to ask if you can go to so-and-so's house in front of so-and-so's mum. Because it puts them in a difficult position if they wish to say no. To me, asking for an extension of the visit is just the same as this - puts me in a difficult position. (However I am learning to toughen up about it, as might be obvious.)

parakeet Sat 02-Nov-13 23:25:17

Oh that is genius, give the child their coat as soon as you hear the doorbell and present parent with child at the door as a fait accompli.

I'm going to copy that. (On those occasions it is needed.) Thank you.

ZangelbertBingeldac Sat 02-Nov-13 23:27:30

I think you sound like the rude one, actually.

LiegeAndLief Sat 02-Nov-13 23:31:02

I have had to retrieve a 6 year old from under a table and have carried a 4yo to the door at the end of play dates. Not sure if this is acceptable but they didn't look to be leaving any other way!

Didn't really bother me though.

Salmotrutta Sat 02-Nov-13 23:33:37

Why is the OP rude?

What nonsense!

Play dates didn't exist when mine were young - they just went to play with neighbours kids or they came here.

But a whiney child asking for more time whilst a simpering adult looked on would get right up my nose.
If you have been kind enough to entertain someone else's child they should have the manners to leave when the parent turns up without whining.

Bunbaker Sat 02-Nov-13 23:33:53

DD's best friend used to hide under her bed. It didn't bother me either.

GW297 Sat 02-Nov-13 23:36:17

We used to hide! I used to get into big trouble for asking if so and so could come for tea or if I could go to so and so's house etc in front of them and their parents too.

oldsilver Honduras Sat 02-Nov-13 23:37:13

Wheedling I can handle, it's the hiding under the bed and refusing to come out, I find difficult to deal with. Especially as his mum wouldn't come in as they had another child they'd left in the car hmm

I'd put it down to the fact that he'd had a good time and patted myself on the back, and patted myself a second time for telling his mum to come half an hour earlier than I needed him to go, just in case of such an occurence.

Mattissy Sat 02-Nov-13 23:41:28

I always feel rude to say no, like I can't wait to get away from their house myself, so I say yes. When in actual fact bloody love to leave. This is an eye opener for me. Shit, I'm going to have a melt down on the doorstep next time, not knowing what to do!!

Burmobasher Sat 02-Nov-13 23:42:55

Don't all kids try it on? What are the parents supposed to do if you won't let them in? Stand at the doorstep bellowing whist you inwardly seethe about their rude kids?

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