AIBU and a bit sensitive ... school mums

(62 Posts)
kikibrooke2593 Sat 02-Nov-13 17:28:28

I am 21 years old and have 2 children, 7 and 2 yrs old.
my ds goes to the local catholic school. he has 3 best friends at school and they love doing things with each other at the weekends. the 3 other boys go out with the boys mums in alternative weeks and even a sleep over.
but i cant help feel he gets left out, a few weeks ago the boys come running over excited asking if they could sleep over lets say bobs house, and the mum said no sleep over this weekend, fair enough. but then on the Monday my lil boy found out they did have a sleep over.

my sons bday was recently and he wanted to invite them all out for the day with us and then for dinner at ours .. all 3 declined.

am I reading in to it too much to probably think there is an issue with me. the other mums r from a diff lifestyle too .. I don't know if this has anything to do with it.

Renniehorta Sat 02-Nov-13 17:37:07

What different life style are the other mothers from?

lljkk Sat 02-Nov-13 17:37:52

Ouch. sad

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 02-Nov-13 17:39:43

I know how you feel OP.

We've moved so my dc are all at different schools now, but DS1 (almost 9) was supposed 'best friends' with a boy in his class from nursery through to the end of Y3. Except that this boy's Mum was good mates with the Mum of another boy in their year group, so inevitably their sons did everything together, after school and at weekends. The two boys didn't actually like each other all that much or get on particularly well, but the friendship was forced due to the Mum's friendship. The Mums fell out just before the summer and no longer speak - the two boys have no other friends to fall back on because they've been pushed together (and other kids rarely involved) for 5 years.

Not the same as your situation though. I wouldn't take it to heart, honestly. Your DS is 7 and will make new friends/bin off friends as he goes through school. Some of my DS's 'friends' turned into 'really annoying' people according to DS. DS2 (5) has a different best friend every week. DD (almost 12) has just started secondary school in a totally new county! She knew no one, but has had two or three 'close' friends over this half term alone.

Kids chop and change. See if there's anyone else your DS would like to invite for tea/play one night. I know how you must feel about his birthday though.

BrianTheMole Sat 02-Nov-13 17:39:59

Thats a bit mean. Do you think its an age thing?

AngelsLieToKeepControl Sat 02-Nov-13 17:40:04

Maybe the other Mums are all friends and they feel a bit uncomfortable because they don't know you as well?

Have you ever invited the Mums out for a coffee?

MammaTJ Sat 02-Nov-13 17:41:53

Aw, that is horrible. Do you have a surestart centre near you? They have great mum and tot groups. Or any other mum and baby groups. There may be mums there who are nicer and they may have older children who you can develop your older DSs social life around. Maybe get him in to clubs, such as cubs or martial arts. Rugby is a good sport to get him in to too, as there is a massive social life involved in most rugby clubs.

The other mums are clearly being mean and judgy because you are so young. Horrible women!

FunkyFucker Sat 02-Nov-13 17:43:41

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BuntyPenfold Sat 02-Nov-13 17:45:15

Best what, Funky?

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 02-Nov-13 17:46:04

hmm Funky.

My ex comes from a Catholic family and they're great people. Generous, funny, warm and loving.

Sounds like these women are just bitches - they may not even BE Catholic, you can get into Catholic school without being a Catholic, y'know.

Confuseddd Sat 02-Nov-13 17:47:27

grin funkyfucker.

kikibrooke2593 Sat 02-Nov-13 17:48:09

I try to talk to the mums in the playground invite them places . always discuss the children.

they r fairly older than me lol between 32 and 37.
they also are all a bit wealthier than me too ... well quite a bit actually haha
I just feel like im letting my son down x

we live in diff parts of town too ( major difference )

Confuseddd Sat 02-Nov-13 17:48:36

I'm an ex-Catholic for many reasons! ducks for cover

Tailtwister Sat 02-Nov-13 17:49:12

I can't say for sure, but I would imagine the other mums are judging you because of your age. It's a difficult one as you want your children to be happy and have friends, but I would be inclined to give these women a wide berth tbh. You will always encounter narrow minded people like this wherever you go, but the flip side is you will always find nice people too.

I would widen your horizons a bit and find some other mums to socialise with.

Salmotrutta Sat 02-Nov-13 17:50:40

I'm struggling to see why the Catholic bit is relevant tbh.

I've taught in two Catholic Schools and the only difference to other schools up here is that they sometimes hold a mass and tend to have a prayer at registration. Plus the (infrequent) assemblies would have an act of worship.

WereTricksPotter Sat 02-Nov-13 17:52:47

You're not letting him down at all - you're the one being friendly, they're the ones excluding you for whatever reason.

I'd go with the after school clubs and activities if you can.

Tell your DS they must be busy/sleepover must have been a last minute thing etc. Anything that takes the focus off him as a person and onto them and their decisions.

kikibrooke2593 Sat 02-Nov-13 17:53:00

see I am scared to ask them just in case I cause problems lol ( im a quiet girl ) lol

can I ask a question without being offensive just curious, if you owned your own home etc lived in a nice area would you be worried about letting your child around an estate to stay or play x

WereTricksPotter Sat 02-Nov-13 17:58:08

I only care about whether I know the family or not. Couldn't give a stuff what area they live in.

BuntyPenfold Sat 02-Nov-13 18:00:47

Kiki, it would depend on what sort of people were around on the estate tbh. Are many children out playing? If I thought there might be a lot of serious lowlife, I would try to engineer a visit too, to see what it was like.

Thatisall Sat 02-Nov-13 18:01:20

This sucks. Don't feel for a moment this is your fault. Why not ask ds if he has another little friend?

Kundry Sat 02-Nov-13 18:01:56

I wouldn't and lots of people on mumsnet wouldn't. But some people would - even if they probably wouldn't admit that was the reason.

kikibrooke2593 Sat 02-Nov-13 18:03:44

tbh our estate although in London is a pretty good estate never any trouble x we live in an area that is half n half .

children play out all the time but tbh my ds doesn't play out on his own yet lol so I wouldn't let the other boys either x

WereTricksPotter Sat 02-Nov-13 18:08:00

If they don't know you then they won't know that. Unfortunately some people do make assumptions. That's not your problem, or your DS's and is no reflection on you.
It's a shame these are the boys that your DS gets on with and feels sad that he isn't included, but all you can do is encourage friendships with different people, if you've done all you can to encourage friendships and engage these women.

BuntyPenfold Sat 02-Nov-13 18:08:24

If they were going to play indoors, no problem.
If playing out with other children away from traffic etc, no problem.

There are some places I wouldn't let my children play out, parts of the nearest city to us are quite scary. I have been followed around there by random men even at midday, and wouldn't let my kids go there.

AveryJessup Sat 02-Nov-13 18:11:11

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