Do comments like this annoy you? AIBU?

(67 Posts)
PenguinBear Sat 02-Nov-13 15:20:35

Does it annoy you when someone likes to tell you how you feel/are?
E.g. No you don't have a headache. I have a headache or no of course it isn't a sickness bug, you're fine while you're being sick.

They always have to be the worst and if they are ever questioned you are accused 'bullying' them and not caring.

How would you handle this type of bastard behaviour?

Tee2072 Sat 02-Nov-13 15:22:08

"Are you me? Are you inside my body? No? Then shut up."

Euphemia Sat 02-Nov-13 15:23:03

I work with someone like this. I can never mention anything about my health without she's had it worse. I tried to tell her about my dad's cancer recently and she interrupted me to tell me she lost a brother to cancer.

RandomMess Sat 02-Nov-13 15:23:38

No idea how you deal with it, I have a colleague who has an opinion on everything and is always right and always tries to tell me what I ought to do confused

Drives me crazy and I end being rude back because I can only bight my tongue so much...

It's a running joke in our house.

Me: "I have a migraine"
DH: "weird, I have a headache too" <blah blah about his aches>
Me: "Of course you do"
DH: blush

'Tis common.
Not sure whether it's a cackhanded attempt at empathy or self-centredness.

YANBU.

Euphemia Sat 02-Nov-13 15:29:30

This woman's the same - tells me how to live my life.

"You should go part-time."
"You should put your DD to private school."
"You should get x, y and z."

You should just fuck right off.

RandomMess Sat 02-Nov-13 15:33:28

Euphemia grin

Last comment:

"why have you come in today it's beautiful you should have stayed at home"

"and do what?"

"well anything say in the garden (I don't have one) or well anything but come in here"

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I was so rude and she still didn't shut up!

Maybe they are trying to be empathetic.

"I have a nasty D&V bug"

"Oh yes I had that last week"

To me means "Oh I know what you're going through" not "you malingerer"

Just a bit clumsy confused

harticus Sat 02-Nov-13 18:04:59

It is top trumps health that drives me mad....

- I have a pain in my leg
- Oh dear. But I actually broke my leg
- Really? Well my leg shrivelled up and fell off etc etc

My ex did that to me once. I had period pains, so I played it down with "I'm feeling under the weather, I have stomach cramps and backache".
The next day he told me he had caught my bug. With me insisting he couldn't have what I had the day before, him insisting it was. I had to come clean about my period. (Infront of friends).
Shocked silence then laughter, with him mumbling about "it must be flu then..."

NynaevesSister Sat 02-Nov-13 18:57:10

Hubs does this he thinks he is being sympathetic by letting you know that they've been there etc. I had to be blunt because it can be really innapropriate. You are NOT letting someone know that you understand what they are going through because your cousin in South Africa that you see once every five years has had encephalitis that put him in a coma for a week which is exactly like the six week coma and months of physio they underwent just to walk again after a blood clot.

I read an interview once with a guy who lost his arm in which he said that actually one of the worst things about losing his arm was the huge number of boring stories he had to politely sit through. Why did complete strangers think he would be riveted by the story of how great uncle George lost his foot through diabetes?

The "what about me" brigade annoy me as well.

A - what happened at the doctors
B - well, after a discussion we came to the conclusion I may be suffering from depression due to the fact I'm losing my ability to walk.
A - well what about ME then? I get depression. And some days it's difficult for ME to walk.

(Not my conversation, but a family member)

waceystills Sat 02-Nov-13 19:13:28

I was feeling dodgy at work with morning sickness and a horrible tiredness - you know the kind, 11 weeks pregnant and I could just about keep my eyes open.

Colleague (bit of a hypochondriac) who didn't know I was pregnant and overheard me describe my symptoms, he said "oh yes I have what you have, I feel exactly the same, I may have to go home"

I took great pleasure in telling him that " I hope not as I'm pregnant'

Shut him up smile

RevelsRoulette Sat 02-Nov-13 19:17:26

Hang on - telling you that YOU don't have a headache?

Well, my reply would be "How have you come to the conclusion that I do not have a headache when the only person that can feel the pain of a headache is the person having it?"

Well, I'd go further, into enthusing about their magical powers and the benefits to humanity and their duty to share their gift with the world, but I'm a bit of a cow grin

FriendlyElephant Sat 02-Nov-13 19:32:16

I agree, I hate it.

Ditto those "Do you think you're the only person to ever have a cold/ be pregnant/ be depressed/ have migraines etc." Of course not, but it doesn't make any difference really does it?

Me 'Gosh, I've got a horrible headache'
'Friend' 'No, you don't, you don't get headaches'

'Tis true, I rarely get headaches but that day I had one. Except apparently I didn't... hmm

Stuckunderababy Sat 02-Nov-13 19:45:51

When someone I was very close to died , my step sister, on my telling her, 'empathised' by telling me how upset she was that one of her cats had died. shock angry

Some people are just mindless idiots.

lljkk Sat 02-Nov-13 19:56:28

My 12yo does this & it's funny if tiresome. She didn't used to be so myopic; I'm assuming it's the age.

claig Sat 02-Nov-13 20:01:58

I think it is because some people don't know what to say when they hear bad news, so they try to deflect empathising by mentioning something similar they may have had.

I don't think they mean to be unreasonable, they just don't know how to handle it.

tracypenisbeaker Sat 02-Nov-13 20:05:21

Depression is a really awkward thing for people to try and empathise with, because it feels like they aren't listening and are trying to compete.

claig Sat 02-Nov-13 20:06:50

It's a bit like teh question "How are you?"
People don't want to hear any bad news, they are just saying it to be polite.

LaGuardia Sat 02-Nov-13 20:11:22

As a nurse, I listen to patients trying to outdo each other. There will always be one on the ward who has more stiches, greater pain and less appetite (according to them). We have had patients discharge themselves in a huff because the person opposite had surgery and they wanted the same (but didn't require it}. People are very funny.

claig Sat 02-Nov-13 20:17:05

"There will always be one on the ward who has more stiches, greater pain and less appetite (according to them)."

Sounds like the Only Fools and Horses Uncle Albert war stories. The ones with the greatest pain and most stitches are survivors who have been through the wringer and come out the other side and they want recognition of that in a Walter Mitty style way.

bumpandkind Sat 02-Nov-13 20:24:48

Me and DH have competitive tiredness. Him working, me with young baby.
Who wins?

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