My dd is 10. I have had quite a few issues with her behaviour in the past.
During a fall out with my parents - I managed to get some form of control back.
Speaking to them again, and we are seeing changes in my dd again. Which im willing to accept, if she accepts and respects my rules, and remember that I am the mother.
A few weeks back my dd wanted somw shoes. So we spent 5 hours trailing around shoe shops. She spent most of her time looking everywhere but the shoes. Me, my oh and my other dc were showing her shoes tht she may have liked and she kept saying no.
Needless to say, we got fed up and went home. Shoeless.
Which she then moans to my parents about. As if im a bad person not buying her shoes.
I took her to asda for shool shoes as they were needed. Again she looked everywhere but. In the end i said you picn, or i pick. So she picked some yay!
Then i thought, we would get her a coat.
The same thing happened. If you dont pick, i will. So she picked.
Now its not a bad coat. She is the only one who has problems with it. My point is - you picked it!!
So she has been moaning to my mam and dad again. After repeatedly asking me to buy another.
We have had 3 bdays this month, halloween and preparing for xmas. I have 4 kids.
I dont have the funds to just buy her a coat willy nilly when her current coat is brand new!
We have had huge arguements over her refusal to wear it, and trying to go to school in the freezing cold rain. Which puts across that i wont buy her a coat - as that is her intention.
She made my parents feel sorry for her. So yesterday she came back from grandparents with a new coat.
Which just pissed me right off!
All my arguements, battles and persistence. For what!?
Now i look like the bad one for saying they shouldnt have done that!
Am i being unreasonable here?
AIBU?
being undermined by parents
smallmomma · 02/11/2013 11:28
Oh sorry, didn't realise that. In that case, your parents are being massively unreasonable. And it sounds as if maybe they need some firm boundaries, as well as your DD 
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Wow. I can see why things are so difficult. 
that's pretty rough.
Could it be time for you to have a very serious discussion and lay things on the line to them? Explain your parenting methods, how you would like them to support you, and be very specific in what behaviours are and are not helpful in their part. Try and keep it all as neutral as possible, not accusatory or argumentative, more "when you do x, the consequence is y (and/or "I end up feeling z"). So I need you to do a instead".
Ensure they know that if they can't do this, it's going to be ultimately very hard for you to keep them in you and your DC 's lives. Awful though that would be.
I am sure they will find this very hard, as you're asking them to change lifelong patterns of behaviour, but there it is. You can't carry on this way.
Sorry if you've already been there and done that, just trying to think what might help!
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