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Is the love for a child the only real love

(65 Posts)
Birdinthebush Sat 02-Nov-13 09:31:02

I have having a discussion last night about love and relationships with my friend. She has a grown up and daughter and I don't have any kids (through choice). I have often been told that I don't know real love as I don't have kids, that the love I feel for husband family etc is not the same. She agreed and said she would die for her daughter . I am not sure especially after reading the saving dog or person thread .

It's a different kind of love. I would say DS is my number one priority in life but do I love him more than I love DP? No I don't think I do. DP has said that I'm his priority because children eventually grow up and have their own lives, whereas hopefully DP will be with me every single day for the rest of my life.

Timetoask Sun 03-Nov-13 06:45:33

I don't think it's the only REAL love, but I do think it is the STRONGEST love. It is for me anyway. Totally unconditional and forever.

OrchidLass Sun 03-Nov-13 05:49:37

No I don't think it's the only kind of real love. I do feel it's a different kind of love but it won't be the same for everyone. The love I have for my DCs is stronger than for anyone else, without question. I love my DH totally but I would be able to carry on without him (I don't ever want to be in that position) but I believe the need to protect my DCs would take over. I would do anything to protect them. An acquaintance one told me that if she had to save her husband or children from a sinking ship she would save her husband because she could have more children with him. I just couldn't understand that way of thinking.

MyBaby1day Sun 03-Nov-13 02:49:42

No not at all. You can love other people in you're life too. What about couples who when one dies the other one soon follows, you often hear this with animals and they're often not parent-child relationships.

timidviper Sat 02-Nov-13 21:32:25

None of us can know how anyone else experiences love so your friend is talking rubbish. She may love her child more than her DH but she has no idea how your love compares to that.

Among my friends there is one who insists that the love you feel for grandchildren is more than anything else in life ever! Yet how many threads do you see on here about Grandparents behaving horribly towards their grandchildren?

It is all subjective

badbride Sat 02-Nov-13 21:21:59

Sorry, I meant, pour and Margarita. Typos nothing to do with any cocktail consumption on my part. No indeed. smile

badbride Sat 02-Nov-13 21:17:41

"Love" is a feeling created by a cocktail of hormones acting on the brain. Specifically: dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. Possibly some others too.

Anyone who tries to tell you that one version of this cocktail is any more "real" than any other is talking a load of sanctimonious, mawkish twaddle.

My advice would be to our yourself a cocktail of your own. I can recommend a Margharita or a Screaming Orgasm grin

squoosh Sat 02-Nov-13 21:06:50

If a mother's love for her child wasn't ferocious and all encompassing the human race would have floundered soon after we'd evolved from being pre historic newts.

Still doesn't mean other love isn't real love . What a grim thought.

SatinSandals Sat 02-Nov-13 20:52:23

Smile, nod, ignore. These people are insecure.

SeaSickSal Sat 02-Nov-13 20:50:52

I hate people who say things like that.

It took me ten years of heartache to have my son and people used to say things like that to me before I had him and it deeply hurt me and made me feel invalidated as a person.

After having my own son I can confidently say it is bollocks and the people who say things like this have no deep insight into the universe and the meaning of love . They're just nasty.

Love for your child is different. But the way I love my mother, husband, father, mother and friends is different too.

If love except for your child isn't real love why do people commit acts of love every day when they care for their parents, spouses, friends, lovers?

She's talking shite.

AnyFuckerReporting Sat 02-Nov-13 20:41:39

For not off. Wine?

Another glass and I will love you all.

AnyFuckerReporting Sat 02-Nov-13 20:40:48

My love off my children overwhelms me, it's unconditional.

If DH hit me, cheated on me, treated me badly, I'd leave him and move on with my life.

Would never be able to do that wrt my children.

So for me it's true. I love DH, I'm still wildly in love with him but the feeling is entirely different for me.

KittensoftPuppydog Sat 02-Nov-13 20:39:00

Love for children is just an extension of self love.
It's programmed biologically.
No credit due there.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sat 02-Nov-13 20:35:38

Not the only real love.

It is different from romantic love though.

TawdryTatou Sat 02-Nov-13 20:35:27

Nah.

I love my sons, beyond measure.

I love my dp, beyond measure.

I'd do anything for any one of those guys.

I think it's quite patronising to tell someone that they haven't felt "real" love because they haven't had a child. It might be unconditional and different and strong and lay-down-your-life, but the 'realness' of it is not a relevant measurement of how sincere the feeling is. Statements like that also work on the assumption that everyone feels that way. Sadly there are plenty of children who aren't loved like that by their mothers - Baby P for example.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sat 02-Nov-13 19:51:40

I have 2 DC and a DH.

I love them for all different reasons. I don't love them the same.

Retroformica Sat 02-Nov-13 19:43:20

Nothing prepared me for the intensive overwhelming love I felt for my DS's. it is different to DH love and I love him very deeply!!

Thurlow Sat 02-Nov-13 19:10:09

Love for your DC is no more real than the love you have for anyone else and I agree with the pp who points out that the love you have for your friends or OH is at least love based on experience and knowing their character.

The love I have for my DC is very base, very protective, it's quite different. But it's no more real simply because it's different.

What a very odd thing for your friend to say.

LaGuardia Sat 02-Nov-13 19:02:57

So many weirdos on here tonight.

squoosh Sat 02-Nov-13 16:54:20

I don't think anyone who was satisfied with their lot in life would feel the need to belittle the love you feel for your husband or make out that it's a mere imitation of 'real love '.

BlingBang Sat 02-Nov-13 16:44:00

Agree it could change as my children get older, depends what life deals me etc.

BlingBang Sat 02-Nov-13 16:42:53

The love for my children is different and deeper than any other love I have felt, the love I had for my parents when I was a child was close.

thegreylady Sat 02-Nov-13 16:40:09

I agree you would die for your dc and you would kill to save them.In my case that applies to grandchildren too.But the love I have for dh is deep and real and true,your 'friend' is being very unreasonable.

Mia4 Sat 02-Nov-13 14:06:57

She is BVVU. Perhaps she knows no other love btu there are many different types of real love: love of a partner, child, family, friend, pet etc

To be honest OP, I'd pity her if that's what she believes because it implies either she's deeply pretentious or she's sadly only ever known one type.

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