To worry about pregnant women who stand on the train?

(30 Posts)
Bearleigh Thu 31-Oct-13 08:45:09

I commute into London from outside the M25 by train. Today I (eventually, because I had been reading) noticed young woman who was standing was pregnant. I offered her my seat, but she refused it. I said " you really should take it": she still refused it. Eventually a man got up and moved to get off, and she took his seat. When I got to London, I noticed another woman, with a 'baby on board' badge standing just behind my seat.

When I was pregnant, after nearly fainting once, I always made sure I got a seat, asking men if I could have their seat if necessary (in case a woman I asked was also pregnant). No-one ever refused and most were embarrassed at not having noticed. I never expected anyone to notice, as they could be deep in a paper or whatever.

AIBU to say more strongly that the women could be more assertive? Or do some women prefer to stand? I don't want to be bossy...

slightlygoostained Thu 31-Oct-13 10:08:54

Pregnancy is disabling for some women though, and being too bolshy about "pregnancy isn't an illness" turns into a weapon that arsewipes then use against other women.

Think OP was reasonable to offer seat, but up to the woman whether she took it. She might have been fine when asked but decided she was tired when the man got off.

During the obviously pregnant part of my pregnancy I went from able to walk miles, to unable to stand for a ten minute bus ride when SPD kicked in. Interesting to hear standing was more comfortable for other pg women - for me it was definitely harder. Guess it just goes to show you can't make assumptions about what's easier for someone else, just offer and accept their response.

Pregnant women are less stable on wobbly public transport. They are more susceptible to injury if they fall (eg falling on a bump is more dangerous than falling on a fat tummy).

For those reasons alone I'm alert to bumps and give them priority - eg at 8-10w I'd offer my seat to someone obviously 26w+.

I once loudly asked to move down the carriage to where I could at least lean on the wall because I was feeling peculiar (large bump, very wobbly route) and shortly thereafter fainted. I sat on the floor crying and still nobody offered me a seat.

I could have asked, yes, but I really wasn't feeling well enough to rationalise that thought, and the risk of rejection (or maybe asking the only other pregnant/disabled person in the carriage) was too great.

oliveoctagon Thu 31-Oct-13 10:22:21

I alwats stood and wouldnt accept or want a seat. Its the other way round for me I would see it as accepting pregnancy made me weaker and it didnt. I just carried on as normal Im not a granny! If you tell me I should really take it I would think piss off.

Mia4 Thu 31-Oct-13 12:04:46

If offered a seat, very very few people are likely to say 'no' if they actually want one OP.

My elder sister preferred to stand towards the end of her pregnancy, the baby continually kicked and punched her in the bladder and then sat on it the moment she sat down and with a very weak bladder anyway she was often worried she'd wet herself. People should always offer but the respondent has the right not to want to take.

YANBU to offer a seat but YABVU to press the matter. I preferred to stand in the late stages of pregnancy; not because of any statement I wanted to make but because it was more comfortable.

My team made me a standy-uppy desk in my last few weeks at work; it was bliss!

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