WIBU or was the other parent - library hell

(89 Posts)

I take DD (almost 3) to the library a lot. She likes it there and I like books so it works. She is a loud, independent child who needs some social skills. I am under no illusion that she is well-behaved but we are working on it. The librarians love her.

Today there was a little boy (the same age exactly) who was playing too. She had the trains first, wandered off and he started playing with them. There were other trains but he had the 'best' set. She wanted them. She was being a complete PITA but I was removing her, warning her and gave her two time-outs. She knew that the third meant we were leaving. She didn't hit, push or anything like that. She did try to snatch a few times.

The other child also didn't want to share (fine, he had them) but was whining and crying every time she went within two feet. "Daddy, that little boy wants my toy, daddy, that little boy is getting a time-out". Don't get me started on DD being called a boy. He also shouted and screamed at her a couple of times.

Anyhow, she went near him again, no touching, and I said, "one more touch and we are leaving". The Dad said, "are you just going to keep warning or are you going to follow through?" Really angrily. I said, "she's had two time-outs". Then the Dad flounced off saying something PA about not being able to play.

So, vipers, I think we were both a little U. He probably didn't see the time-outs (I removed her from the table to do them) but his child wasn't sharing either and his behaviour wasn't perfect, just different to mine. I was trying, he could see that. I wish, in my hardened, mean heart, I had let DD take the bloody train. Since we got told off anyway.

Maybe we should have just left the moment the issue arose but how will she learn?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndHarry Wed 30-Oct-13 19:40:36

I think it was a case of misunderstanding rather than unreasonableness. I can't bear it when DS whines about another child so I probably would have been tetchy too.

TeamEdwooooooo Wed 30-Oct-13 19:41:03

YWNBU. You were following the behaviour rules and consequences that you have set and your child understands. The other parent had no right to question how you parent your child.

MidniteScribbler Wed 30-Oct-13 19:41:40

You should have both encouraged them to share and play together.

It pains me to say this because you are one of the few posters that I notice, and whose posts I like, but I think you WBU if you'd threatened to leave previously but not done it. The "keep warning" bit from the dad suggested you did. Sorry.

He was a passive aggressive twat and by leaving his son won't learn how to deal with these issues either.

DiscoBiscuits Wed 30-Oct-13 19:42:28

YANBU.

He is.

DiscoBiscuits Wed 30-Oct-13 19:42:58

Correction.

He was.

LifeOfPee Wed 30-Oct-13 19:43:48

Anyone who gets really cross about children playing and just being children (i.e whiney, possessive of toys, crying, loud, annoying etc, etc) is a twat.

misspontypine Wed 30-Oct-13 19:43:51

I would say that you should not have let your dd get close enough to disturb the boy. Fair enough the 1st time she did it but after the 1st time why didn't you just pick her up when she started moving towards the boy?

2 feet is too close for a child who wants to take a toy away in my opinion.

cupoftchai Wed 30-Oct-13 19:44:34

Your lib has toys? How cool!

WereTricksPotter Wed 30-Oct-13 19:46:03

The other Dad didn't know you were following a parenting strategy that works for you and your DD.

He didn't seem to have one of his own for whiny, possesive behaviour.

I think it was just a case of conflicting expectations in a public place. Not a big deal and neither side in the wrong.

cuppachai Wed 30-Oct-13 19:46:09

I never do timeouts. One strike and you're out. DS knows it too and has never snatched or hit out at other kids. I do get frustrated if someone else's DC is snatching or hitting and they are allowed back for a second or third go.

I can see from your point of view too though, the Dad can't expect to go to a public play area and expect no-one else to turn up and disturb their private play time. He should have just asked his DS to share and the whole situation would probably have diffused.

Midnite if only. There was no way in hell they were going to play nicely.

I had warned her that if she touched his train or him again, she was leaving. She hadn't actually touched again at the point I warned her IYSWIM.

sad that Agent agrees with the mean man. grin

I did wonder if he was stressed because DD is a giantess of a child and he and his son were very short. I wonder if he thinks his LO will get bullied. It's a minefield.

intitgrand Wed 30-Oct-13 19:48:24

YWNBU

He sounded like an arse.

He had heard your two warnings to your dc and knew you were on the case yet chose to try to embarrass you.

He was a pleb.

Next time , wind him up proper wink

BarbarianMum Wed 30-Oct-13 19:50:04

If your dd is very large for her age he probably thought she was older and expected her to behave better. A common problem for tall children.

Ultimately though, I think I'd file it under 'one of those things that happens' and forget it.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 19:51:15

My response to him would have been "none of your bloody business. Parent your own child"

Redcliff Wed 30-Oct-13 19:51:47

I don't why he felt the need to say anything negative - I was out today and another boy tried to push in on something my son was on His mother dealt with it and I gave her a smile - job done

Barbarian you are sadly right. DD is always taken for 4 or 5 and I agree she would be foul if she was a 5 yo. She is quite a normal 2 yo.

cuppa hitting is no warning. Snatching I give her a chance. This time it wasn't working well.

Doobiedoobedoobie Wed 30-Oct-13 19:56:31

YANBU. I may have thought it on rather a lot of occasions (the are you ever going to actually follow through thing if I've heard a parent warning and warning with no consequence) but would never actually say anything. Unless my child was actually being pushed/ hurt and even then it's be a comment about that behaviour not the parents consequence toward it iyswim. He has no right to comment on your parenting IMO even if it had been shoddy, which it doesn't sound like it was.

TheCrackFoxFucker Wed 30-Oct-13 19:56:52

He was a twat.

funnyossity Wed 30-Oct-13 19:57:06

Neither of mine at three would have been able to "count" the time outs as it where, I would perhaps therefore have interpreted your actions similarly to this other parent. I wouldn't have reacted the way he did but maybe he was having a bad day.

(Or maybe I'm just a pleb too, San Diego!)

DontPanicMrMannering Wed 30-Oct-13 20:01:03

How rude! He was bu if that was my dd I would have been joining in the discipline asking her to share nicely

and stop fucking whining as that touches my grr arrgh buttons

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