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MIL annoyed that I won't commit to a big event with such a small baby.

(101 Posts)
Bambamb Sun 27-Oct-13 17:27:19

Trying to keep it short:

I am pg & due mid-Nov.
MIL has organised a big christmassy get together early December which would involve a long drive, overnight stay, full day of events (out and about at public events, not a private function) and formal dinner out.
We have only just been informed of this & I have responded to say I don't want to promise that we'll be there as we will have a baby of between 2 and maybe 4 weeks old depending on when it arrives. I have no idea where we'll be with breastfeeding, sleep, generally feeling able to leave the house etc.!
We haven't said definitely no but I strongly suspect we won't be feeling up to it, it will be an ordeal I think. I also don't know how the birth will go and if I'll feel physically recovered by then.

Also want to point out, we did the same thing the last two years in a row and after last years event MIL asked if we would like her to book again for this year and we (plus other family members) all said no which is why it has come as a bit of a surprise that we are suddenly expected to be attending something we didn't even know was happening.

MIL has the hump, AIBU?

MadeOfStarDust Sun 27-Oct-13 17:32:04

mmmmm a bit U - I would just say NO then she can make firm plans with numbers... rather than have her hanging on tenterhooks waiting for you to decide....

NaturalBaby Sun 27-Oct-13 17:32:34

YANBU.
Inform your MIL that you will be adopting the following postpartum recovery schedule:
"Modern medicine says that it takes approximately six weeks for a woman’s internal organs and tissues to heal after the birth. As a result, non-Western beliefs and practices encourage rest and confinement up to 40 days after birth to regain energy and strength. This helps the new mother get the rest she needs to ensure she is energized and ready once the time comes to resume normal activities.
Examples:
Haitian Culture: New mothers stay in the house for at least the first three days.
Chinese Culture: The practice in Chinese literally means “doing the month” or “sitting month,” so during this time, the new mother does not leave the house.
Indonesian and Malaysian Cultures: Indonesians and Malaysians believe that because of lochia, the normal discharge from the uterus after childbirth, women after birth are believed to be susceptible to evil spirits, so they do not leave their homes, and are not allowed to cook or clean for the first 40 days.
Korean Culture: New mothers are looked after carefully for 21 days but most would agree that 30 days is even better, and even up to 100 days."

Iheartcrunchiebars Sun 27-Oct-13 17:32:43

No way yanbu. You'll need at least a couple of weeks to recover if it's a straightforward birth. What if you're overdue etc.

Stay at home! Definitely!

Hawkmoth Sun 27-Oct-13 17:33:08

Agree, just say definitely No and breathe a sigh of relief.

YANBU. My general reaction to this was 'fuck that!'

Sammie101 Sun 27-Oct-13 17:33:42

Definitely not being unreasonable! When my little girl was that age everything was still so sporadic and I only felt completely comfortable at home, what with bf and crying and naps!

If she can't understand why you wouldn't want to go then she's a bit of an idiot-you just have to stand firm and put your foot down.

noblegiraffe Sun 27-Oct-13 17:33:43

No. Yanbu, you may even have a c-section and certainly not be up for long travel etc and babies aren't supposed to spend long in car seats.

I'd go with a firm no instead of dithering, then you all know where you stand.

BarnYardCow Sun 27-Oct-13 17:36:15

YANBU, stay in the warm with your new baby.No way would I want to go out in the roads at Christmas with a new baby.DD1 was a Christmas baby, and I would not have been up to all that.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Sun 27-Oct-13 17:37:14

YANBU Say no.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 27-Oct-13 17:37:18

Blimey, just tell her no thank you.

After giving birth the first time I was rushed back to hostpial at about four days suffering from PPH!

I wouldn't want to be stressed over bleeding all over someones bed sheets. Stay home and enjoy your newborn and heal and find your feet.

Blu Sun 27-Oct-13 17:39:47

If it was a trip away which was relaxed and laid back, the trip and a casual dinner could be fine. The whole formal dinner / full day of public events sounds not relaxing at all with a newborn.

Just say no.

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 17:41:08

Change to a definite no (especially as you weren't keen anyway!) Word it as a '''Sorry for being vague earlier. I'd hate to cause you inconvenience with bookings and arrangements so put us down as a definite no. It's far too arduous a journey and schedule for someone who would not have recovered from childbirth at that time smile so much easier all round to say no now. smile''

plentyofsoap Sun 27-Oct-13 17:41:13

Just no. I'm two weeks post childbirth (section) and eventhough I am very fit and healthy I cannot think of going anywhere for at least a few weeks. You need time to recover.

strruglingoldteach Sun 27-Oct-13 17:42:06

Just say no.

ishouldbecleaning Sun 27-Oct-13 17:42:40

Fuck that was my reaction too.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 27-Oct-13 17:45:27

My DD was born 3 weeks before DS trip which an adult had to go on. I left DD with her father ( DH). Went on the trip.

It took me ages to recover from that day out. I wish I just allowed DH to go with him. However i felt guilty as i hadn't spent much time with him.

NotYoMomma Sun 27-Oct-13 17:45:34

just say no

Squitten Sun 27-Oct-13 17:48:58

Just say no outright. Completely right not to go but you must be honest with her. Keeping her hanging is unfair

Bambamb Sun 27-Oct-13 17:49:33

Phew! Thanks all I am relieved.
DH was all for saying no from the outset but I felt a bit bad about not seeming to make an effort. But you are right, better to say no now I think so that is what's happening.
MIL has three kids, you'd think she'd remember how tough the early weeks can be. But when I said I wasn't sure we'd come as I wasn't sure how I'd be feeling so soon after the birth she said "well you just have to get on with it don't you". But I don't want to just have to get on with it!
Thanks all!

TwerkingNineToFive Sun 27-Oct-13 17:49:39

You might have a little darling that sleeps all day or you might have a baby with colic that won't latch and screens constantly so you can hardly leave the house. (I'm sure it will be the former)
YANBU

kiriwAnyFuckerwa Sun 27-Oct-13 17:51:04

Say no and stay home in your pants.

fluffyraggies Sun 27-Oct-13 17:53:09

* "well you just have to get on with it don't you"*

shock angry

Cheek! I'd be saying no on principal after that little gem of empathy from her.

LackaDAISYcal Sun 27-Oct-13 17:57:53

She is probably forgetting that she was probably kept in hospital for a week afterwards so had a chance to recover a bit before facing the world again!

I would just saythat on reflection you thnk it best to decline, then order in some lovely food from Waitrose or M&S and have a babymoon for your first ever family Christmas.

Enjoy smile xx

TheCrackFoxFucker Sun 27-Oct-13 17:57:55

Say know no.

I'm not sure what age you are but when I was born it was totally normal for new mothers to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks - there was no "just get on with it" then. You MIL is talking out of her arse.

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