to think that a health advice line won't report us to social services for these parenting mistakes?

(37 Posts)
misspontypine Sat 26-Oct-13 13:06:40

Ds is 10 months old. We have had a couple of inexcusable patenting mistakes, the first one was my fault, I took ds outside with his little pushalong trolley and he fell over and banged his head on a stone sad I obviously felt terrible for letting him push his trolley outside when he was so young. I called the health advice line ( like nhs direct but we are not in the UK) they advised me to take him to a+e if he started vomiting or became unresponsive. He was luckily fine.

Yesterday dp was looking after ds, dp thought tge bathroom door was closed but it wasn't. After about 30 seconds dp followed ds, he found ds holding the toilet brush. Ds wasn't sucking tge brush when dp found him but there was a chance he had sucked it as ds is teething and sucks everything.

Obviously it is really disgusting if ds has sucked tge toilet brush, I was most worried that ds could have possible ingested some toilet cleaner. I asked dp to call the health advice line ( the language here is not my first language) to check tge signs we need to look out for with toilet cleaner poisoning. Dp said he wouldn't call because they would think we were too negligent and take our ds away. I thought this was ridiculous, in my opinion it is better to put our baby's health first.

We have moved the toilet brush, hopefully nothing else will happen in the near future.

Aibu to think those events wouldn't warrant the removal of our ds?

YANBU these are minor incidents!!!

Finest Sat 26-Oct-13 13:12:51

Yanbu

ShoeWhore Sat 26-Oct-13 13:17:17

Yanbu.

All toddlers fall over, you really can't prevent that. The toilet brush thing is hardly crime of the century either. I've called NHS Direct over far worse if it makes you feel any better grin

ShoeWhore Sat 26-Oct-13 13:18:03

Oh and for clarity no ss involvement ensued!

cory Sat 26-Oct-13 13:21:11

These are the kind of incidents that happen in most families. If they were to report them they'd have to report virtually ever family in the country. It's just not going to happen.

And even if there was a much larger number of incidents that might suggest you were actually being neglectful, they wouldn't be steaming in and removing the child straightaway: they'd start by sending round social workers and offering support to solve the problem in the family.

fwiw we have been suspected of real abuse by a hospital (I hasten to add that we were innocent). It did not result in immediate removal of dd forever after: she stayed a couple of extra days at the hospital where we had already taken her, and then we had a follow-up appointment with a professional. And then the file was closed.

Have also been reported for neglect by dd's head teacher (again, we were innocent; she just has a health condition that looks rather odd): Social services turned up, spoke to us, spoke to the school, and then went straight back to the office to write the Case Closed letter.

Obviously not the kind of thing one enjoys, and I was very shaken, but we were never at risk of losing dd.

HerrenaHarridan Sat 26-Oct-13 13:24:04

The health advice line would not report to ss. They would refer you to be seen by a medical professional who might (but not for these things!)

You said your not in uk but here you might be reported to ss if you failed to seek medical attention for an injured child (although neither of these incidents have warranted it)

Finest Sat 26-Oct-13 13:38:16

I understand your partner's concern as you do read some stories in the tabloids etc, but I don't think anyone would assume you are bad parents for little things like the toilet brush incident.

In the UK, if a child has three incidents that could be questionable, that need a hospital or GP visit, or the child is imobile and has bruises, then that can warrant a referral.

Then what happens is a background is sought and this can be initially dealt with via a HV visit.

This is just to check that the family do not need extra support, Child Safety equipment can be supplied, if there are financial difficulties etc. Also advice given, so an accident doesn't take place, because parents don't always realise how mobile a child becomes quickly and what they are capable of. My own DD opened a freezer and broke a thermometer, we never knew if she drank what was in it.

It would take a very questionable injury, or bruising for the child to stay with a relative etc, whilst investigations take place.

So,no a child would never be removed in the UK under those circumstances and a referral wouldn't be generated.

People who work for Health and Child Services have all had these types of things happen with their own children, they are not cloned and kept in cupboards when not in work, as seems to be the belief.

LEMisafucker Sat 26-Oct-13 13:46:31

YANBU - these things are a right of passage smile

I did get raised eyebrows the last time i took DD to minor injuries as she is never sick so the only records on her medical records are injuries - so far we have......

Over protective parents taking six month old baby to A&E due to a piece of card bouncing up into babies eye

Minor burn to hand after grabbing lightbulb, needed dressing at minor injuries, sent away with change of dressing.

Bitten through tongue at soft play centre - actually this was nasty, she nearly bit her tongue off sad no stitches but was nearly admitted as she was unable to eat and drink - possibly worse four days of my life.

Minor injuries for a toe nail falling off after being trodden on by a horse

Those were just the ones we ended up at the hospital for!

The nurse said "oh my she's accident prone" - but to be fair that was over a period of 8 years so it looks worse as no other record on file.

No mention of SS though grin

littlegem12 Sat 26-Oct-13 13:50:43

Your being quite hard on yourself 'inexcusable parenting mistakes'
Falling over is a part of learning to walk and kids who are not allowed to experience this and always have a parent 4 inches from them telling them everything is dirty and dangerous are not being necessarily better looked after, just stifled.
I was a nn in a baby room with 4 to 12 month olds and lots would come in closer to the toddler age with bruises, we would never ever assume a couple of bruises ment a crap parent, they are clumsy acrobats at that age it would be unusual for young toddler to have the co ordination to never hurt themselves.

KCumberSandwich Sat 26-Oct-13 13:58:07

YANBU- please call them now. even a small amount of toilet cleaner could be really harmful, how is your DS at the minute?

what you describe as inexcusable parenting mistakes are just accidents, don't be so hard on yourself. i assume your bogbrush is on the floor behind the loo- perfectly normal place to have it kept and also perfectly normal to let your lo walk outside. don't fret.

AnyChippednailvarnishfucker Sat 26-Oct-13 14:03:56

You do post a lot of queries asking what other people think about your parenting.
What would lead you to think that social services would be interested in you, have there been other reasons they might be interested in you?

Maybe your general lack of confidence is a bigger issue.

EricLovesAnyFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 14:23:12

Are you for real?
If this is a serious question then I would respectfully suggest that you get some help around your anxiety and educate yourself about the role and responsibilities of social services. If you seriously believe that social services remove children for head bumps and putting disgusting things in their mouths then you either a) believe that every child in the UK is in care or b) believe that genuine child abuse doesn't exist.

mignonnette Sat 26-Oct-13 14:27:51

These are everyday blips in normal parenting.

When my daughter was fifteen months she fell down the stairs managing to hit nearly every step. She blacked an eye and had carpet burns all down her right side We had to take her in for a check.

Three days later (she was fine) my grandparents took her to the park. They put her in the baby swing seat and started to push her. By some bizarre odd million to one fluke she managed to slip between the bar and fell out. Blacking her other eye. Can you imagine my worries when she went to emergency room the second time?

They could see it was an accident. These things happen.

littlegem12 Sat 26-Oct-13 14:39:15

Haha mig i bet you shit yourself having to take her back!

AnyFuckersfrogslegs35 Sat 26-Oct-13 14:57:36

There's nothing wrong with the actual incidents however, it's the

Dp said he wouldn't call because they would think we were too negligent and take our ds away

Comment that is very unreasonable.
Imagine if little one had ingested some toilet cleaner and became seriously ill - having to explain why you didn't seek help immediately is far worse than the actual event which led to it and would look like, as parents, you weren't able to assist your child in the event of an emergency.
If Dc hurt themselves and there's a risk of damge then no1 priority is to get them checked and not worry what people think.

I've spent many hours in A&E with my 3dc for things ranging from bumps, bruises, splits and cuts, dislocated shoulders, scalds - I could continue the list is very long, some of the previous has resulted in admissions and surgery but I've NEVER been reported to nor had contact with SS.

Thisuserhasblockedyou Sat 26-Oct-13 15:02:22

YABU, these are minor incidents and there will be plenty more to come.
My dcs are constantly covered in bruises on their legs as we are out and about with them climbing trees etc. You can't wrap them up in cotton wool.

gallicgirl Sat 26-Oct-13 15:07:36

What country are you living in?
Is it one where mothers don't have many rights?

mignonnette Sat 26-Oct-13 15:41:36

Little

I was prepared to gather witness statements from other people in the play park. I was petrified. grin

Roshbegosh Sat 26-Oct-13 15:45:02

Like the poster said earlier, it is not seeking help when you should that raises suspicion.

Idocrazythings Sat 26-Oct-13 15:51:29

That's a very mobile 10month old you have....

Alanna1 Sat 26-Oct-13 15:53:30

I'm not reading all of the above but you should get professional help if you are EVER worried - the risk of social services investigating is small but suppose you delayed and actually something terrible happened? The worst thing you could then have done is delayed! And delay seeking help is a red flag - and also increases risk of harm to the child from an incident. Everyone knows accidents happen. Just get help as soon as they do!

I dread to think how many times DD (nearly 3) has bashed herself on the head. At the moment she has symmetrical bruises where horns would be on her forehead grin

mignonnette Sat 26-Oct-13 16:06:24

Idocrazy

Both my children walked early- one at eight months three weeks and one at nine months one week. I was the same. They were both pilling up unaided to stand at seven months and holding onto the furniture. I have a photo of my daughter sitting up unaided and unpropped by four months two weeks. It is hereditary not a sign of great intellect so the OP's child is not unusual.

My two were running when most other babies of friends were just starting to learn to stand and my son could kick a football accurately by the age of fourteen months.

We couldn't find outdoor shoes to fit them for ages back in the late eighties and early nineties.

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