to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?(396 Posts)
My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???
Aww this really upset me I would of loved it if my mum had done this! She can't knit but she DID do lots for both my babies, made them hampers and stuff, baked my 2 year old an iggle piggle birthday cake etc so not criticising my mum but your daughter doesn't sound like she deserves a lovely mum like you!!!
I knit. But the rule about knitting for other people is to ask if they want something, and not to assume they will. It's only good manners. It is way to early at 4 mths to show someone, even a daughter, a pile of stuff you've knitted. It's overwhelming and a bit irritating - it's as if you are deciding what the baby will wear, as well.
Of course the daughter should have declined graciously, but there is no law that says people have to like knitted stuff on them or on their babies.
If I knit for a new baby, I check with the mother-to-be what she would like, and if she would like it. Sometimes they say, 'thanks, but the baby's already got loads of stuff' or 'that would be lovely - how about a cardigan?'. It's mad to knit like crazy sufficient to produce a pile of different garments....
Hello there Mayflower, Oh dear I am so sorry your daughter feels like this after all your loving hard work. On the contrary there is a huge interest again in crafting and knitting and the modern baby knits are so cool. Look at all the knitting magazines available for sale with wonderful baby knits.
I would have been thrilled to have received such items but both mothers sadly not alive. Are you able to pass onto someone else who is expecting?
It is so rude and ungrateful of your daughter to react like that, I can hardly believe it. I am sure they are really lovely, you know she might change her mind when she see's her pregnant friends receiving the same things from family members. My neighbour recently knitted the most beautiful fashionable and trendy outfit for her newborn grandaughter and it was a delight.
Enjoy your new grandchild!
I think the knitted woollen aspect of this is a red herring.
OP made stuff she decides baby will need. Seems an underlying arrogance thatshe knows all about babies and her daughter doesn't (backed up by her later commnt about how many times babies need changing a day - well mine didn't).
Take it as a wake up call. This is not your baby. Youdon't set the agenda or timeline of when things happen or purchase an entire wardrobe of clithes. I'd have been overwhelmed and irritated.
Where is OP? What words did the daughter use? How much stuff exactly? What stage in visit was it presented? Not enough info.
That said i loved the stuff my mum knitted - i'll keep it forever.
I am a knitter. I also have a degree of sympathy with the daughter....on ravelry you can check out finished garments there are some true horrors on there - nasty 70s patterns in cheap acrylic yarns.
However there are some brilliant patterns and some lovely wool/yarn available - baby cashmerino, millamia merino and some of the bamboo stuff isn't too bad.
You need to match the patrern/wool to the recipient.
There is a Rav. Concept of knit worthy. Some of you above have described knitworthy behaviour " wore it a lot" etc others haven't "scared of washing".
My friends get one knitted thing - if they use it they get more. If they don't (especially when they chose the pattern and the colour and the garment used 20quids worth of cashmere blend wool) then they don't get more!
I tend to Knit in bright strong colours for children and babies but this has been commented on as "odd" on ravelry. I now tend to do blankets for baby gifts. My favorite pattern this year has been Pop! By tin can knits.
My Nan knit my daughter a lovely blue cardi for when she was about two. Nan was 88 then and it was the last thing she knit. It was a bit wonky at the bottom but my daughter wore it loads and I still have it wrapped up in a box because it meant so much to me.
It was her first MN post - perhaps we've put her off.
Are you going to come back with your thoughts OP?
She did tgat in totally tge wrong way.
How about a blanket/shawl and if course they will always need hats and gloves. Maybe she just wants to choose tge clotges, has she bought anything yet? Could she be feeling superstitious?
My mum knitted loads of stuff. Ds didn't wear any of it as I don't like it.
Much as my mum is great and a fantastic mum and nanna - she is very over bearing and very martyrish and has to be reminded that they are MY children. Maybe that is how the daughter is feeling.
Grandparents forget that their children have grown up and can make their own decisions. Just like we might do as we make decisions for so many years for our kids that we sometimes forget they can make their own now.
I'm struggling with that and my son's are 10 and 6 - but I want them to be able to make their own way in life with out needing "mummy" to help them all the time.
There's a lady who knits baby cardigans etc and donates them to the local charity shop. I often buy a couple of modern looking cardigans for my children. It's a good idea I think as it means you can knit all you want, someone who wants the clothes will buy them and love them and charity gets the money. Something to consider perhaps?
Pure wool knitted cloth diaper covers are really trendy where I am and cost a fortune...you can sell them used even....they are a little bit of a status symbol in the baby world I am in, as in you know what fibers are best for babies...knitted stuff is always admired. As long as it is not too froufrou.
Her tastes are different but it was insensitive of her. I love knitted stuff and often find unworn items in thrift shops...I buy them as I can't bear to think someone has made them with love and someone did not appreciate them...so I love them.
I have just sent that cape pattern posted here to my mum hoping she will knit it.
Maybe your dd us trying to assert she will do things her way.....but pretty ungracious. Have a good blub and ask her what she wants and buy that and save your creative energies for others. I have been sent some weird stuff by my mil....I wore it all....as I knew she had made an effort....some was just not practical....but your dd is just being direct and honest.i like gracious more myself.
Made me feel so sad reading your OP. I am ver sentimentally attached to the hand knitted stuff my mam has made my LO, and am surprised others don't love hand knitted stuff. It just looks so sweet on and like every stitch has love in it.
I think your daughter was being unreasonable. If we're given things we don't like for LO (for example, we're very Pikler in our approach, so don't let LO e TV, electronic toys etc) like the beepy toys MIL always gets our daughter, we say thank you, are grateful and then take them to the charity shop when she is gone. Ultimately, it's a kind thing to do to spare the feelings of others when they have done something nice for you.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I put my dd in knitted stuff and I have friends who did the same with their kids (our children are all still toddlers so this was quite recently). I wouldn't say it was old fashioned if they are more modern designs. I think your dd was a bit mean and it's understandable that you're hurt by her reaction.
At least she feels comfortable being honest with you- she probably doesn't realise how upset you are.
Perhaps OP knitted so many cardigans she suffocated in a heap of them.
YANBU, please could I have them?! I love knitted pieces out there but they are so expensive. My Mum knitted a beautiful shawl for my Ds but she has many, many grandchildren so I don't think il be recieving much more for now. [thismile]
You are not unreasonable to be upset and she shouldn't have been so rude but it would have been worth asking her first if she liked something knitted. Personally I hate knitted clothes on babies. I have been looking at some of the links people have posted here of terribly expensive knitted baby clothes and wouldn't have put any of my children in any of them but I would have perhaps told my mum that in a more polite way.
Poor you. It was totally lovely of you to do all this knitting for your precious GC.
I loved all the home knitted stuff my babies were given - those precious labours of love were definitely the favourite gifts I received, and my babies were proudly decked out in their matinee jacket and bootees.
Either she will come round, or you will find a very grateful recipient for your wares elsewhere!
NannyOgg I totally agree that she should have been polite about it (we don't know what the daughter said/ tone of voice as OP hasn't really cleared that up) but what I take exception to is people branding her 'ungrateful' as though it is a terrible thing. I would be ungrateful on the inside if someone gave me an unwanted gift, but I would still be gracious about it. It doesn't make you a bad person to feel a certain way.
Think about it, why would you be happy and grateful with a gift you don't want? It's illogical. You can be touched by the sentiment, but at the end of the day it is still clutter and in this case, quite presumptuous to think someone would want this stuff being 4 months pregnant.
You have a point there- about over-excitement and chickens
YANBU I would have been really hurt.
If she didn't like them she should have realised how much love and care you'd put into them and accepted them graciously anyway.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.