to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?(396 Posts)
My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???
Tbh, I got quite a few knitted thngs and while I thought it was really sweet, mst of them were awful and not what I wanted at all. Most of them I gave to charity. They were weird sizes and shapes. Often not that nice looking and worst of all really scratchy. I much preferred to pick my own clothes like soft cotton babygrows, soft jersey leggings and tops etc.
OP, Check out Brora. People pay large sums of money for traditional, knitted baby and children clothes.
I think you're taking it too personally. If anything her reaction is testament to your good relationship because she's told you how she really feels without having to sugar coat it. I doubt she'd realise you'd feel rejected along with the cardigans, though perhaps she should have.
The pregnancy is still in very early stages and I agree she could have felt overwhelmed - it's fine to want to wait until the baby is born before worrying about anything more than a sleep suit.
If it would make you feel better, keep one back that you can offer her again when the baby is born, but don't be offended if she says no thanks.
BlingBang - my experience was similar. My mum's knits were too big, shapeless and the wool was very harsh. I suggested she use a softer wool, but she sulked instead.
I have been given several hand knitted items and gave been delighted with all of them. They are beautiful. I have also bought several items from a friend who makes clothes and sells then on folksy. I say get them on there and make yourself some money and at the same time realise that there are people out there who appreciate your skill.
YANBU to ne upset though. Very rude and ill thought out of your daughter
Hohhot I wish I had had someone to knit me baby clothes, much better than the horrible polyester candyfloss dresses I was given
I've loved all the knitted stuff my kids have received as babies even though I have to confess the cat destroyed the Pom Pom hats
My next baby is due in December and I agree that baby grows with knitted cardigans are great.
I think your daughter was very rude!
Blimey,I've been asking my mum to knit impending baby a cardi or a hat for months.
want to have time.
Oh no , so sorry she upset you like this OP, how sad. It's just wrong, you were knitting all these beautiful things just to make her happy and for your future GC and she was so rude!. I like hand-knitted things for babies, they look so nice and make them look so loved and well cared for. Also like a lot are saying knitting is in now!!, I am currently hand-knitting a patch blanket that I am hoping will be a future family heirloom and I was only saying today how lovely knitted things are. I hope she changes her mind. Bet you'll be a great Grandma.
I've got some knitted cardigans that my DM knitted for DD. Now DGS is wearing them and we both just love that.
I do think your DD was very ungracious.
However, she doesn't want them, so I would give them to a charity. Have you heard of 'Loving Hands' (sorry don't have a link) they are a group of knitters who knit for premmies and donate knitting to hospitals.
Don't let this over shadow your relationship with your DD
I am sorry she was rude, but think she may have had reasons not to be keen. My grandmother is a keen knitter but because of superstition wouldnt start knitting until ds was born, which happened to be three weeks after her first great grandchild was born too, he was prem, so quite small, she started knitting him a mini cargigan, by tge time she had finished it, it was like a bolero, i have kept it for dc2, i asked that she use either cotton or real wool for her next project, as was worried about ds overheating in manmade fibres, she then made gorgus jumper, bytut again, ds growing so quick he only wore it a handful of times, i started to feel a bit guilty as know that the cotton yarn she was using was more tricky than acrylic, and also that her efforts were not really getting the use i felt they deserved. I then asked her to knit a wool blanket, which i bought the wol for (as know its ecxpensive, and i choose the colour) its beautiful, and we still use it now in the car for naps etc.
At four months, if someone (anyone) had proudly presented me with anything for the baby, I would have freaked right out.
My mum gave me a present for the baby at Christmas (I had exactly one month to go) and I was still freaked - wanted nothing to do with it. I forced myself to say tnk you and stuffed it in the spare room until after birth. Once the baby was born safely, it was fine.
I'm not even close to being superstitious, but 4 months is way way way too early to be giving baby clothes. It is so presumptuous at a time when many women are overwhelmed and scared stiff that they will miscarry. It's like writing cheques with the fear your body can't cash them.
I bet if you had waited until the baby was born healthy and bouncing, she would have loved them. Anything at four months is way too soon. It's only natural that you are excited, but you have to reel it in a bit - you have another five months left, and your poor dd is still trying to get used to the fact that she is personally responsible for growing another human being.
She could've been more gracious about rejecting them so yanbu
However, I've told everyone I know 'please don't knit anything for ds2, we've still got loads that ds1 never got into', as a kinder way of saying 'we've never ever used anything you have knitted, even the blankets because there is just no need to' (same way my ds's have never worn baby vests or any sort of blanket, there's no need in our warm home, under a modern warm outdoor suit or a night time because of grobags.
We've got a draw full of unused knitted stuff because h would feel bad giving them to charity because so much time went into the pieces.
My mil made the curtains for ds's room, a door stop and some patchwork toys that all get used, is there anything else you could think of making that might be more accepted (down the line)?
Four months is very early.
You are excited, but she may be scared.
I hated the lack of control; of my body, of peoples comments, of the things people gave me when I was pregnant.
DD was first grandchild on both sides and for some reason, the over excitement of the grandmothers pissed me off no end! Hormones??? I felt I was constantly trying to keep them in check.
I didn't want any of the knitted things or clothes I was given because I wanted to choose things myself.
However, once she was born, I was more grateful, (and gracious!)
Maybe tell her you'd like to make the baby something and ask her to let her know if she thinks of something. Maybe a blanket?
I would advise not getting anything without asking her first.
OP it sounds like your daughter was speaking her mind without any care to your reaction. She might feel it's too early for baby clothes or she may just dislike hand knitted clothing on babies. I think she was tactless but maybe it would have been better if you had mentioned to her before you began knitting that you had planned to make some items and she could have sat down and looked at patterns with you?
I am due in 7 weeks time and dp's parents A&E visiting tomorrow and I know his mum will have loads of hand knitted stuff with her. She has already brought down some jackets which I find, frankly hideous because I swear she has used patterns from when DP (he is now 40) was a child! I have tried to steer her towards baby blankets and hats as we have been given so many clothes anyway.
I would never, ever tell DP or his mother or indeed anyone else in RL this is how I feel about the knitting though. (It feels like a betrayal writing it on here!). She made these clothes with love, it's her first grandchild and why would I want to ruin things for her?
I imagine your DD just didn't think about your feelings as she is wrapped up in a bubble of pregnancy. I can understand how hurt you are so maybe just ask her again if she wants the clothes and, if not, donate to a charity. She is her own woman and if she doesn't like hand knitted clothes then you would be better of saving your energies. Sorry OP you do sound lovely and thoughtful and I think your DD is very lucky to have you.
My MIL knitted copious amounts of baby stuff for all 3 of my kids. I loved the wee cardys especially and they wore all of the things she made. There was love in every single stitch. The only discussion we did have was about what she called "pram suits" - hat, cardy and knitted leggings. I didn't fancy the knitted leggings as I did thing they were old fashioned and I didn't want her wasting her time. She also knitted each child a shawl and they were much commented upon. I think you will be a great granny!
My mum couldn't be bothered to knit anything for either of mine
MIL made lots though, some not to my taste but all of it appreciated and treasured.
I will say that pregnancy seemed to affect my ability to be tactful in a big way and I did upset family at times.
How about making a blanket or shawl? DS was given a beautiful quilt by an aunt, in the most gorgeous intricate crochet pattern. It's a work of art and I never used it but kept it as an heirloom. You could ask your DD how she feels about that? It's special to have something unique to pass on, even if it isn't in daily use.
My dh's great aunt, (long since passed away) knitted a lovely baby shawl for dd1 (now 19!)
It has been through all three of my dds and is good as new (washes beautifully)
I have vacuum sealed it and put it away for my own grandchildren one day. I hope they want it!
I love hand knitted baby cardigans. When I was pg I had loads of cardigans and hats knitted for me by people I worked for. I truly loved that they had gone to so much trouble. I can knit after a fashion and knitted my nephew a blanket, about the easiest thing and it took so long and was done with love.
I have kept all the baby hand knitted clothes, I am so sentimental about them. I would love hand knitted cardigans now for DC who is 2. I have one handknit that I'll use for a big longer, wool stretches washes well, it's all modern wool, that machine washes.
I also had the most beautiful shawl knitted for me it's a work of art, a definite heirloom.
When I went to baby groups the hand knits were always commented on by other mums, who wished they had beautiful knitted clothes.
Your DD is probably worried and anxious about the pregnancy. I would forget about it for now and when the baby is born, give them to her, and I bet she will love them.
Either give them to your nearest refuge or have a look at Etsy.com
DD only wore sleep suits until she could crawl; hate outfits of any kind for small babies but hand knitted cardigans / booties / hats are lovely (and very expensive in continental boutiques).
Sorry she was so insensitive, my heart goes out to you. You sound lovely, as do your offerings.
Driz that is uncalled for and ironic.
Shriek, well done for recognising irony!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.