to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

(396 Posts)
Mayflower64 Sat 26-Oct-13 00:35:40

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

Parttimelover Sat 26-Oct-13 01:05:40

Wow I would I be so absolutely delighted if my baby was offered something so thoughtful if I was in your daughter's shoes. I happen to LOVE hand knitted baby stuff. I think it looks beautiful but actually it's more that the painstaking hand-made aspect always makes me feel the baby looks really loved and really cared for, when I see it on my baby or someone else's.(. I know that sounds really soppy .) grin
My mum made some handknit items for my baby and even though they are amazingly badly made as she refuses to knit using a pattern so sews together different squares into an approximation of a garment shape hmm, they never fitted and are coming apart a year later, I did dress my baby in them and was really touched that she spent the time making them to welcome the baby. I would suggest maybe gently checking with your daughter if she feels everything is ok between you, or if she's got any worries about the pregnancy or impending baby as it sounds rather an unusual reaction to a really lovely sweet gesture on your part. Please don't charity shop them as there might be a subtext here and she will hopefully change her mind once it's sorted out. Also some people do get anxious about having baby things around them too early on and she may find that difficult to express. I know I was a bit anxious and superstitious and she's still quite early days. Good luck.

HootShoot Sat 26-Oct-13 01:06:08

I couldn't disagree more about them being out of fashion! There is such a revival for crafts and hand made gifts. One of my work colleagues knitted my dd mittens and a hat and they are the most treasured and beautiful items I have. Nothing says love like I home made gift. I don't understand how any one couldn't appreciate the time, care, love and effort goes into a gift like this. Please don't feel stupid, you sound like the most wonderful mum.

Perhaps you could consider donating them to a special baby unit, I'm certain they would be appreciated there.

mollygibson Sat 26-Oct-13 01:07:02

Wow, that's depressing. Since when did people become so shallow and horrible? sad FWIW I think knitted clothes for babies ARE perfectly in fashion - I know quite a few babies who wear them.

But even if they aren't, why does it matter? Since when was it important for babies to be fashionable? They don't care what they look like!

I am pregnant just now and know my MIL will be going on a knitting frenzy! I will be delighted and touched by everything she gives us though - that someone would go to all that trouble for MY child. I'd rather my baby be dressed in clothes made by their gran who loves them rather than designer gear which they don't even care about.

And I can't believe people are saying it's good that she was honest! You do not reject a gift - I thought even children knew that! I personally hate children's clothes with slogans etc on them. But if somebody gives me such an item for my child? "Thank you, that's lovely" is the only acceptable response.

Sorry your daughter was so unkind and hurtful - I think she owes you an explanation/apology. And I also think she has no taste!

NewbieMcNewbie Sat 26-Oct-13 01:07:50

I'll have them! My mum's friends are knitters and I've been given a couple of beautiful cardigans for my new baby. Better than anything shop-bought.

Your DD was very rude and ungrateful.

You should tell her how hurt you feel. Just because she's an adult doesn't mean her mum can't pull her up on her manners.

Sunnysummer Sat 26-Oct-13 01:10:13

Agree that maybe your local maternity ward might really appreciate them. Some shelters take pregnant women and women with small babies - often these women (and their babies) have no one who cares enough for them to make anything for them or even give any baby gifts so this could be really special for them.

It sounds like you did a lovely job, we loved the cardigan that DS's great-grandmothers knitted for him - the wool was easily washable and they were so much more comfortable for sleeping and rolling around on the floor than the bulky baby jumpers and hoodies in the shop.

You're not being silly to be upset, and unless she is very well off she is perhaps silly to turn down good quality baby clothes - but i think it's more important that you can both work on a close relationship so you can share in the excitement of welcoming your new grandchild in 5 months. Perhaps you can ask her if there is anything she would particularly like in the meantime - if she doesn't like handmade clothes, perhaps you could make a 'treasure box' with fun fabrics and things for when the baby is a little older? Hope that you can both get past this and congratulations on your new grandchild! thanks

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER Sat 26-Oct-13 01:12:53

<<Hug>>

I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt sad

If I were you, I'd put it down to hormones. Pack them up and hold onto them, she will probably change her mind. After she has had the baby, remind her that they are there if she would like them. She's probably been reading some nonsense on the internet about the being too warm/not warm enough, too this/not enough that!

Or, next time you see her - talk to her about it. Ask her what made her say that - does she not want anything for the baby until it's here/does she not like wool or the colour or the style or what... if you normally get on well, just talk to her smile x

Lighthousekeeping Sat 26-Oct-13 01:13:22

When my nephew was born last year someone on here knitted some really beautiful things from Debbie Bliss. The wool was so expensive but the clothes were beautiful. I don't think I could ever find anyone to do such a wonderful job. My very fussy sister was over the moon with it and the baby really got his wear out of it all. I wish I could find someone to knit an Arran sweater for his first birthday. You can't beat hand knitted baby clothes. Especially as the patterns are so modern these days. What a shame your daughter is so ungrateful. Can you find them a loving home?

Chocolateteabag Sat 26-Oct-13 01:13:43

My DM has knitted some lovely things for DS and also sme not so lovely things. She has already knitted a few things for the bump which I am a bit hmm when she's described them. HOWEVER I would never dream of saying anything like that to her and everything has been at least worn once and photographed. But at the same time I feel bad she's spent all that time on things I didn't really like.

i have since been covertly steering her to make things I like and to make things for me and DH. That way I feel she isn't wasting her time (or money).

Maybe try asking your DD if there is anything she'd like you to make? Debbie Bliss baby patterns are lovely and there is a teddy bear pattern of hers which DM made for DS which I love (especially in a merino wool)

Do think about giving the unwanted knitted things to your local children's centre. I bet there are plenty of people who will love to have knitted clothes to keep their little ones warm this winter who don't have such lovely mums thanks

Chocolateteabag Sat 26-Oct-13 01:15:12

Oh and you don't need to use debbie bliss wool - hobby craft do a similiar merino wool which is always 3/2 and Boyes (if you are up north) do a good one for £3 a 50g ball

zippey Sat 26-Oct-13 01:15:31

I get hand knitted cardies from my MIL and I also vehemently disagree that they are out of fashion!

You sound lovely, your daughter should have just accepted your thoughtful gift. Try and put this incident out of your mind, as long as other things are fine with your DD. Blame her impoliteness on her hormones.

moreyear Sat 26-Oct-13 01:17:31

I adore knitted clothes on babies (especially if they are the old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets). My mother doesn't knit but she scoured second hand shops/vintage stores on my behalf to find them. I just think babies look absolutely adorable in them, especially if there are worn over a viyella gown.

I am sorry you have been hurt by your daughter. I know you would have made them with so much love love, reflecting on when she was a baby. She was most ungracious and hopefully she has gone home and pondered on what she said (and how she said it) and will realise her actions were unnecessarily mean.

zzzzz Sat 26-Oct-13 01:17:47

I would have loved them, though my babies are all school age now.

Donate some to a maternity ward and buy a dolly for the baby with a ready made wardrobe (ask dd first). My littley would have loved to dress a baby doll.

I love home knits for babies. My little boy is 7months now& too big for all of his knitted cardies sad

jacks365 Sat 26-Oct-13 01:20:39

I wish my mum would knit more things for my dds but she's busy. Knitted clothing is a personal choice though I love them but my dsis was quite clear that she wanted none. Your daughter was rude and you're not stupid not liking them is nothing to do with fashions.

MrsFlorrick Sat 26-Oct-13 01:21:44

Poor you! That's terrible!! Knitted clothes for babies so so lovely.

My MIL and others of DHs relatives knitted cardies, booties, hats -blankets for both my DD and DS. So cute. Yes they were old fashioned patterns etc but with baby gros and sleep suits it all looked perfect and beautiful. We really appreciated it.

I've kept it all to pass on smile

Btw dD is 4 and DS is 2 so this is recently.

I would blame pregnancy hormones but your DD was rude. Very rude and ungrateful.

I hope you sort things out with her.

crochetcircle Sat 26-Oct-13 01:22:16

Hi there

I loved all the knitted things people have made for our two.

BUT I would have reacted to being given/shown loads of stuff for the baby when I was just four months pregnant. It's still really early days, especially if she had struggled to conceive. She might be feeling nervous about the baby. Or she might feel like she wants to control what clothes baby wears and might have been overwhelmed. We didn't buy anything for our first til really late in the pregnancy and I definitely wasn't given any clothes before baby was born.

Definitely bag the clothes up and offer them to her again much later (after baby is born).

I'm sure that your DD has 101 excuses for being a bit of a cowbag and rejecting your lovely gifts, but I'm afraid her behaviour is atrocious and she need to apologise to you.

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Oct-13 01:28:36

Thing is though MrsC, OP probably doesn't want this to develop into anything more than it is already.

It's possible her DD didn't even think about how her mum might feel when she said thanks but no thanks.

Pushing for an apology might blow it right up into something they can't back down from.

Mayflower64 Sat 26-Oct-13 01:30:48

It's really good to read so many responses, thank you to all of you. My daughter is normally a kind, caring and well-mannered girl and I love her to pieces but perhaps that is why I feel so pole-axed by her behaviour. I think she genuinely didn't realise I'd be so hurt and was just saying what she felt. I think sometimes daughters forget that their mums are real people with feelings! So, Purplemonster, go give your mum a big hug and tell her you love her as she might feel that your rejection of her offer to knit a cardi was a rejection of her too and that's what caused the 'strop'. I know rationally that my daughter didn't really reject me along with the knitting but the irrational part of my brain (and heart) keeps feeling like she did. But I will keep the stuff I've done until the baby arrives in case she changes her mind when she realises just how many times a baby needs changing in a day!

ICantGoOverItICantGoUnderIt Sat 26-Oct-13 01:32:57

I will admit that I felt a little like your daughter about knitted things prior to having DD. blush I would not have turned down anyone's kind gift though, particularly if they made it, but I was sceptical about how often my dc would wear hand knitted things.

Then once she arrived I soon realised how warm wool keeps them, how pretty it looks on babies and how it seems to last for months - it doesn't swamp little ones the way other materials do and has a bit of stretch in. It can also look gorgeous alongside shop bought bits, my favourite outfit for DD was a Next tutu with a green and pink stripey knitted cardi - she looked like a little pixie!

Hopefully as your DD can be so straight talking with you she'll also be able to say sorry, I made a mistake. I'd hang onto the things just now and see if she comes back to you.

HavantGuard Sat 26-Oct-13 01:34:41

It was a lovely thought but I can't stand the idea of knitwear near babies. It makes my skin itch just thinking about it. 100% organic cotton all the way.

I don't think the OP should push her DD for an apology.
I really hope that there is someone in the family who can have a quiet word with the DD. If she charges through the rest of her pregnancy with the same rude attitude she'll have precious few friends left by the end of it.

Boardingblues Sat 26-Oct-13 01:39:00

Can I suggest you wait for a while and then raise the matter again. For the record, my mum knitted by DS some jackets. I loved then, as much as for what they represent as for their functionality. My DS is now taller than me, but I have a box of his treasured baby things and those jackets are in there.

AgentZigzag Sat 26-Oct-13 01:42:24

Is this your first grandchild Mayflower?

Just wondering if your DD having a DC is making you more upset than you'd normally be.

If she was a friend you'd known for forever acting out of character it'd be unusual to let it affect the rest of your friendship. You'd just brush it off and carry on as you were.

The strength of your relationship with her will carry you through this, I'm sure of it.

JadziaBats Sat 26-Oct-13 01:46:35

That does sound really harsh Mayflower. If you normally have a good relationship, maybe she wasn't really thinking when she answered you. I've been given a few hand knitted cardis for DD and I've been delighted.

There's some amazing patterns out there, I just wish I had time these days. just need to knit the Dalek dress now

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