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to think that a dirty/messy house does not mean you're a "Great Mum"?

(234 Posts)
trilogyofjuniper Fri 25-Oct-13 11:45:13

Aaaaaagh! All those stupid slogans. "My floors are sticky and my kitchen is messy because I'm a great mum!", etc.

No, it's because you're a slob.

Dobbiesmum Fri 25-Oct-13 11:59:33

Although looking at it through the window may be a bad idea...

pianodoodle Fri 25-Oct-13 12:01:54

Anyone who has 'Mum' slogans on display in their house should be put in the stocks and pelted with rotten fruit

Yes, this grin

Although I do have a "world's No.1 mum" trolley token that I found in a trolley in The supermarket.

The previous owner couldn't have been no.1 or she wouldn't have been so careless with it ;)

The two things aren't really related. You can have a messy or clean house and be a great or terrible mother. Any combination is possible. It makes a bit of a nonsense of those sayings.

So you are sort BU and NBU.

<<sits firmly on the fence.>>

DevilsRoulette Fri 25-Oct-13 12:05:09

No, you're not a great mum because your house is dirty. Same as you're not a great mum because your house is clean.

You can be a great mum or a crap one regardless the state of your house. If your home looks like something from how clean is your home and your kids stink to high heaven and they're ashamed to bring a mate round then no matter how long you spend doing sticky crafts - it could be better! If every surface shines and your kids quake if they drop a crumb, and their friends won't come round because you make them dress head to toe in coveralls before they set foot in the house then it's fairly crap too. grin

I don't know why people make it a 'thing', I really don't. Is it about judging people? defensiveness? guilt? I don't know.

DuckToWater Fri 25-Oct-13 12:05:23

I don't do any cleaning as we have a cleaner. Sometimes the house gets really messy and cluttered. It generally isn't me doing the messing up., and frequently sometimes I don't feel like tidying it. However, my kids are happy, healthy, kind, confident and are doing well at school. I'd say I'm doing ok at parenting.

I just see it that you can't be good at all things all of the time.

Mim78 Fri 25-Oct-13 12:06:02

This always depends on all of the circumstances so it's not really a YABU or YANBU situation.

Can be good or rubbish Mum either way I would say - not the determining factor!

House should probably be hygienic but it's better over all to spend time with kids than to ignore them because you are too busy cleaning.

However, I can't comment really because have a cleaner (I work full time), so would be unreasonable of me to criticise anyone. I know that when I am at home I spend time with dd rather than doing any housework (hence we have a cleaner, although some people would probably think it needs doing more than once a week!).

I do have a "thing" about making sure toys are accessible to dd and not always put away/thrown in a box so that she can't see what is what. But I wouldn't let whole place be a tip because then can't find anything either so it's worse.

Sallykitten Fri 25-Oct-13 12:07:49

I don't think that having a dirty house makes you a great mum.

But having said that I do know some people who are so obsessed with housework and the cleanliness of their house that their parenting suffers because they neglect their children in favour of cleaning.

The same people also seem to mainly interact with their children by shouting 'Wipe that up, don't put that there, clean that, that doesn't belong there, don't put your feet on that, take your shoes off' etc, etc, etc.

Damnautocorrect Fri 25-Oct-13 12:15:25

Yanbu but I do know a mum who genuinely cleans to the neglect of her kids. They are allowed very little and what they do have (expensive Christmas presents) gets thrown away after a few weeks.
There's a happy medium. When I look back at baby photos I think 'god what a shit hole' but I spent hours cleaning!

marmaladeandguitars Fri 25-Oct-13 12:21:58

I think it's a bit pointless. Most people with small children hit some sort of balance. If you are tired after a day running around at work/with your children, and you don't feel like cleaning, then don't- but don't try and justify it with that sort of smuggery.

That 'dirty windows' poem- was it doing the rounds on FB a few weeks ago? It popped up on my newsfeed, posted by someone I know who really does have a spotless house, and whose 2 year old is made to sit on his chair with his mum's iPad, for hours, so he doesn't mess up the house. I was amused at the irony

ivykaty44 Fri 25-Oct-13 12:21:58

my dd2 gave me a mum slogan board for mother days a year ago - what should I do put it in a cupboard as mn say so or put it on display somewhere to please my dd2 - I know I will be a good mum and put it on display and fuck what other think wink

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel Fri 25-Oct-13 12:30:00

I guess it depends.

If you are sticking your kids in front of CBeebies all day just so you can keep the stove immaculate and not letting the children play in case they make a mess then I would suggest that you are not being a Great Mum

If you have mice in the kitchen and are eating off dirty plates because you are playing wigwams with the children all day then again I suggest you are not being a Great Mum.

Out of the two above scenarios I suspect healthier children would be raised in scenario 2. However, with most things in life it's about achieving a happy medium.

TeacakeEater Fri 25-Oct-13 12:31:07

Damnautocorrect I knew someone whose first child had a speech delay and the child had been in a playpen in another room for much of the day while the mum cleaned. The connection was made and second child got more attention. There is a balance to be struck!

mummybare Fri 25-Oct-13 12:31:32

YANBU. It is a mere coincidence.

TeacakeEater Fri 25-Oct-13 12:31:50

Cross post with Nigel!

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel Fri 25-Oct-13 12:34:42

oh, and what about the Dads ?

Surely for every dirty, slobby Not so Great Mum there is a dirty, slobby Not so Great Dad ? Or is keeping the house clean and tidy solely Mum's responsibilty ?

It probably means you are a brilliant mumsnetter, though.

Objection Fri 25-Oct-13 12:35:32

I completely agree "Ignore the mess, the kid's are making memories" gives me a hint of The Rage.

Making memories of slovenly behaviour perhaps.

Houses don't need to be spotless or even particularly tidy but they should be clean

Well - prolific, anyhow. blush

KCumberSandwich Fri 25-Oct-13 12:36:56

my house is clean and tidy between 7.30pm and 7.30am, i do the housework after DS has gone to bed. the rest of the time it's relatively clean but usually looks untidy. it doesn't make a difference to my parenting, my house is acceptable, i'm happy for visitors to see it etc and i make time for my son. i'm not the worlds best mum because there are dishes in my sink and i've not made the beds, i'm a good mum because i make time for my son and make sure he isnt living in a disgusting pit of permanent mess. there's a balance.

i hate all those stupid poems anyway, always plastered on facebook "excuse the mess, my children are making memories", no your children are making a mess. clean it up.

OrmirianResurgam Fri 25-Oct-13 12:38:47

Could be a slob and a great mum. There is no direct continuum between maternal ability and slobbishness.

Fakebook Fri 25-Oct-13 12:39:05

If your toddler is eating off the messy floor then that's not being a great mother. I believe in the 5 second rule and it only works on a floor that is clean.

Good enough is what I aim for.
I have higher standards for my parenting than my housework.
So, IMHO, YABABU

needaholidaynow Fri 25-Oct-13 12:41:48

I hate it too, OP.

But I also hate being deemed a "slob" as well because I get behind on my household chores.

Cheers.

MrPricklepants Fri 25-Oct-13 12:42:47

I also hate the implication because I'm very clean and tidy that I spend no time with my child and we have no fun. But hey ho, people live how they live. I try not to judge.

pianodoodle Fri 25-Oct-13 12:43:43

I do have a clean house blush but I don't neglect DD she likes "helping" (chasing the dog with a duster). Pretty much whatever I'm doing has the potential to be some sort of game to a 2 year old so it's handy enough smile

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