To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

(281 Posts)
fairy1303 Fri 25-Oct-13 10:19:14

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

Hi fairy

I think you really do need to show your DH the text his mother sent to you. For one thing it will show him that you're not making any of this stuff up. If the shit hits the fan, it is all of her own doing and it probably wouldn't be a bad thing to have her visits limited to supervised visits where both parents are around and she isn't left alone with DSD. I understand that you want your DSD to have a relationship with her and I think you're the better person for wanting this.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.

Badgerous Wed 30-Oct-13 13:26:01

need to show him the text. DH didn't believe what his mother was up to until it was staring him in the face.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 29-Oct-13 22:49:24

I have been following your story/situation with your MIL. If I were you, I would tell your husband what she said. Actually, I would show him the text. A person needs to be fully informed in order to make educated decisions. Good luck.

littlecloud Tue 29-Oct-13 21:58:22

oh god sorry about the xx brain text mode blush

littlecloud Tue 29-Oct-13 21:55:24

Read all your threads you are a bloody saint! She's a controlling loon! xx

mineofuselessinformation Tue 29-Oct-13 21:55:17

YY, fairy, do tell him. If you don't know how to approach it, could you say to him there's something he needs to know but you want him to think about it before he reacts because you are not trying to cause trouble?
If you don't, I have a horrible feeling that this will come back to bite you on the arse.

Thumbfuckerwitch Tue 29-Oct-13 21:41:23

Love of God, you HAVE to tell him about the message - what if SHE tells him and you haven't, it's going to look fishy!! TELL HIM!!
If he hits the roof, so be it! He'll be angry with the correct person, and that's a GOOD thing. TELL HIM!

Noctilucent Tue 29-Oct-13 20:59:07

Please tell him. As someone else said, she will use this against you, and frankly, he has your back so you don't need to hide things like this. Although I would probably tell him in a kindly way as opposed to with anger.

MommyBird Tue 29-Oct-13 20:03:32

I have been a lurker on all of your MIL threads.

You are a SAINT!

After reading your last comment regarding the 'affair.'sniggers as like many of the other posters, i think you really need to tell your DH.
This is something she has over you, something that only you and her know and she will use it against you. She has probley got it into her head that you are actually having an affair!

She is not normal. You need to tell DH, you're a team.

Some good points made for telling him, calmly.

auntpetunia Tue 29-Oct-13 19:24:31

You have to tell him to not do so, even if he doesn't do anything about it now (obviously he'll want to kick off) will give her ammunition to mention it when you say or do something she doesn't like. He needs to be forewarned.

ooerrmissus Tue 29-Oct-13 19:21:51

Fairy you are a saint.

Makes me appreciate my MIL. Especially appreciate the way she lives 1000 miles away.

AnyChippednailvarnishfucker Tue 29-Oct-13 19:16:31

If you don't tell him, at some point in the future she'll use the fact you didn't tell him as proof you have something to hide...

Think of it this say - hit the roof now, or hit the roof after she's managed to cause disharmony on your marriage.

Sorry OP, but you have to tell him. Show him the text - laugh about it, says it's just a heads up as you don't want him to be taken by surprise. She tested the water in the text to see how you'd react. She will up the stakes, and will say something.

Also, somewhere on here was a wonderful thread about a nosy MIL who kept going through drawers & stuff, so the OP of that thread left a partially filled on immigration form for her to find ... naughty, yes - satisfying, definitely!

FunkyFucker Tue 29-Oct-13 19:04:29

You have to tell him or she will use this against you. i don't know when but she will.

ChasedByZombees Tue 29-Oct-13 19:01:41

Oh please do tell him. It won't need it you at all keeping this from him.

fluffyraggies Tue 29-Oct-13 19:00:15

Oh bless you fairy. I can see your logic. It's easy to sit at home and say I'd be furious and i'd do this and i'd do that - but it's different in RL sometimes. i can admit i may well do the same as you and just want to avoid all the fall out.

He aught to know though.
flowers

ScaryNutellaFangs Tue 29-Oct-13 18:59:42

I know he's liable to hit the roof.
It won't be you he'll be angry at though and maybe, just maybe it will give him the impetus he needs to tell the interfering bat to stay out of your lives.
It's because he loves you. I don't often mention if someone has been rude to/about me because by God he gets defensive in the "no one speaks to you like that" way.

qazxc Tue 29-Oct-13 18:59:19

don't hide it from him or she'll make out you have been witholding it because there's something in it. Just try and pick at time when he is chilled and approach it in a calm manner.

Divinity Tue 29-Oct-13 18:55:31

You may want to find a quiet moment when your dh is chilled out (not offering suggestions thlgrin) and tell him in a matter-of-fact way stressing that you've dealt with it.

If you don't then you won't be able to mention it later date she will deny all knowledge and try to make out that you're mad for making that up.

You know the situation better than we do of course but its worth thinking about.

He would go nuts with good reason though.

PurpleRayne Tue 29-Oct-13 18:54:10

I really believe you need to tell him, no matter how uncomfortable, otherwise it will backfire on you. Total honesty in your relationship is critical, especially in your current situation with mil. Keeping her nastiness towards you a secret from him only benefits her.

fairy1303 Tue 29-Oct-13 18:44:20

<quietly> I haven't told him. He would hit the roof. I would rather manage it myself, I don't want ww3... I know I'm wrong, I should tell him but he would go nuts

fluffyraggies Tue 29-Oct-13 18:21:42

What did he say about her 'affair hinting' text?

I like to think my DH would have been pretty pissed off with his mum if she sent me something like that.

<thanks god own MIL is ok>

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