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To expect to be called my married name and not my maiden name ?!

(106 Posts)
thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 09:39:36

Got married in August. ]

Changed my name with GPs, dentist, both banks, etc etc.

Gets a letter from hospital last week "Miss C Blue" for example when I am now "Mrs C Red".

Its probably the lack of sleep but I almost cried this morning when calling the GP for an appointment to be told "We dont have a Mrs Red on the system, but your details match up with Miss Blue, is that you?"

SO frustrating. I'm totally PMSing this week too.

curlew Fri 25-Oct-13 09:41:32

Sorry- why does it matter so much?

MsVestibule Fri 25-Oct-13 09:44:37

Really can't see the problem. Surely you just say to them "I changed my name with my GP, what do I need to do to get it changed on your system?". Please don't tell me you're upset that they haven't recognise your newly exalted status...

Penny6Pence Fri 25-Oct-13 09:44:57

Oh, for God's sake.

MsVestibule Fri 25-Oct-13 09:47:48

OK, didn't read properly, I see it's your GP who doesn't recognise your new name when you've already told them. Surely you just say to them "I gave you my new name in August, why hasn't the change registered on your system yet?". I really feel I must be missing something here.

Sallykitten Fri 25-Oct-13 09:50:47

This will happen a couple of times and really doesn't matter. In a year or so it will never happen again.

judgejudithjudy Fri 25-Oct-13 09:51:21

really?! nearly cried?!

SuperConfused Fri 25-Oct-13 09:53:56

Yabu. This is one of many reasons I wish women would stop changing their name.

I used to work in a professional body where the qualifying system for trainees was totally separate to the system of registering them for membership they had to have. I used to get so many irate newly married women on the phone. In that instance, we did make it clear on the forms they'd have to inform us if they had sat previous exams under a different name.

In professional contexts, it's difficult: everyone is on Serrano million databases these days. If you want to have the same name as your new family, that's fine: but it's no easier for the world at large than if you decided to change your first name b ly deed poll in which case I suspect you'd be more understanding about having to explain it all the time.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 09:56:22

Ive had around 10 hours sleep in the last week. I have BPD with a side on insomnia just for kicks.

It's the rigmarole of repeating my details over and over and over again. Thats the 4th time this week.

Its really annoyance that computers can't do a simple name change. 6th time Ive had to take my marriage certificate down there today.

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 09:57:13

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hassled Fri 25-Oct-13 10:00:25

If it helps (which it probably doesn't), I have had similar problems convincing people that just because I married a Mr Bloggs, it doesn't mean I want to be called Mrs Bloggs. I remain Miss/Ms Hassled. Despite it being 2013 and all, this still seems to blow some people's minds.

curlew Fri 25-Oct-13 10:00:53

You don't have to take your marriage certificate! You can call yourself anything you want to. Just tell them to change your name on the system. Or not. It doesn't actually make any difference whether they call you Mrs Red or Miss Blue.

meditrina Fri 25-Oct-13 10:02:28

In a perfect world, you would only have to tell each organisation you have ever given your previous name to just the once for the change to be made.

In practice, people do make mistakes.

In his case, OP, was part of the mistake yours? You don't appear to have told the hospital of your change of name, and that appears to have overridden the GP in the NHS hierarchy. It's ever so easy to miss something. And in cases of two names in one organisation, they will go to the one given to both if update is not supplied to all.

You really do have to tell everyone. It might be worth making a list and going through it all again. Start with identity and money: passport, DVLA, tax office, pension provider, credit card, mortgage, insurances, premium bonds etc; then health - GP (again) hospital/s, optician, etc, then other memberships and recreation.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 10:03:25

Im not a traditional in any sense of the word. My Dad thought Id make DH change his surname... Haha. I think I need a waaaaaaahhhhhmbulance, a cuppa and some sleep.

MsVestibule Fri 25-Oct-13 10:04:24

So it's the hassle you've got to go through and their incompetence that you're frustrated at - fair enough! While you're sleep deprived and not well, why don't you just let it go for the moment and take your marriage certificate in when you're next there?

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 10:06:47

That is really horrible Khunzoop

Thursdays ignore her.

Yes it might be a small thing but if OP is unwell anyway this is just the sort of thing that can really get under your skin.

And I wonder if she would be getting this much of a pasting if she were complaining that she is called by her married name when she wants to retain her birth name?

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 10:07:45

Thursdays ignore her

Or him, sorry

futureforward Fri 25-Oct-13 10:11:02

YANBU, it's a nightmare. I still get correspondence from my employers addressed to Miss Maidenname, now that is definitely not on!!

I think it's easy not to realise how much hassle and effort will be involved in changing your name, say when you get married.
A list like meditrina has given might be useful to work through, or you can take a more gradual approach, but then have to accept some inconsistencies. I found it useful to realise it's OK to be using two names, or if anyone uses your "maiden" name it's still you!
I think I might recommend to dd not to bother with changing hers if she ever gets married - but equally understandable to want a (new) family name.

pianodoodle Fri 25-Oct-13 10:13:04

It's annoying if you have to keep telling them. I think if you're under the weather it's annoying you more than is necessary though smile

I changed mine on the important stuff. Orange mobile want me to send my marriage certificate... Meh, they aren't that important so I haven't bothered!

Trills Fri 25-Oct-13 10:29:43

YANBU to find it irritating if you have informed them of a name change and they are still calling you the wrong name.

YABU to cry about it, but it sounds as if you know that you are finding it more upsetting than is reasonable because of PMS and other stress.

At least they didn't just say "nope, you don't exist, bye", they did find you and get you an appointment grin

KhunZoop I like that, and I imagine it was intended in a friendly manner smile

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 10:32:28

Becca> I'd have posted the exact same thing if it had been the opposite scenario too. In the grand scheme of things, crying because someone hasn't updated a database with a name change is worthy of needing to get some perspective.

I changed my name 30 years ago. Some places still have my birth name. I don't fucking cry into my tea about it.

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 10:32:56

And yes, it was lighthearted, thank you, trills.

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 10:40:41

I'm not disputing that it was light hearted, just rather insensitive at the same time.

You do know what BPD is I take it?

I think some people might find it stranger or more un-settling than others to effectively have two names, or to feel someone is calling them by the wrong name because to them they changed it the day they got married.

I remember feeling slightly surprised/unsettled that our flights and hotel reservation was still in my maiden name when we went on honeymoon - but of course they would be if that's how I booked them. I think I thought it might all happen automatically - or I suppose that people would just accept it rather than several organisations wanting to see a marriage cert.
Seems a little naive now but I found it's something people don't really explain to you. A classic thing you'd need to ask MN about ?!

If you change a few key things - bank, passport, driving license - then these can be used to show you are now using your married name.
Though don't think I've changed driving license yet blush

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