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To ask for seats on public transport at 26 weeks pregnantt

(111 Posts)
Babysealion Thu 24-Oct-13 08:24:11

Or am I not far enough along yet? confused
I commute to and from work on the train everyday. Fair enough it's only a 25 minute journey but the majority of the time the train is packed and there's hardly any seats. Last week I asked one guy to move his bag so I could sit down and said I'm pregnant and he said 'where am I supposed to put it?' And I didn't want to make a scene so I just left it but no one else offered me their seat either despite the entire carriage over hearing our exchange.
So this week I've been too worried to ask for seats but this morning a very nice man offered me his. I have a fairly big bump so it's obvious I am pregnant and have been referred to physio as I have quite a bit of pelvic and hip pain and discomfort going on.
My question is AIBU to ask/want a seat on public transport or is this only for heavily pregnant ladies?

ImpOfDarkness Fri 25-Oct-13 08:28:30

I made faces and noise that the entire carriage could get but not him

See I don't get the point of PA huffing and puffing or standing there with a martyred look. Why not just ask the guy to move his bag?

Fwiw I always ask for a seat as soon as I get on the bus (due this week!) only once has someone said no, and about three other young guys sprang out of their seats while he got a right earful from the West Indian granny sitting opposite him grin

jellyandcake Fri 25-Oct-13 07:20:45

I'm 14 weeks and just had a month signed off work due to illness - because of pregnancy. For many women pregnancy actually IS an illness. The phrase 'playing the pregnancy card' makes me want to pound the ignoramus saying it into the ground. Yes, there are many other illnesses as well but that doesn't diminish the fact that pregnancy can be very debilitating as well.

Hope you get a seat this morning, OP.

SomethingLovely Fri 25-Oct-13 07:04:10

YANBU... Bag man is an idiot. I was never brave enough to ask for a seat, got a mixed bag on London Underground - sometimes I'd see people right in front of me hurriedly look at their feet, their newspaper, pretend to be asleep etc - anything to avoid seeing my huge bump right in front if their faces (and the "baby on board" badge too), even had a middle aged man practically elbow me out of the way to get to the one remaining seat. Other times someone would leap up to offer their seat straight away. No rhyme nor reason to it... And you can feel shit at 4 weeks or 34 weeks, you don't need to be massive to need to sit down!

Turquoisehat Fri 25-Oct-13 06:31:20

That bag man is an ass. Ask for a seat if you feel you need it. as a pp said, there js no magic date in pregnancy when it is uncomfortable.

I had to do a 45 minute train journey with four day old dd. she was in a sling and I asked a woman to move her bags so we could sit. She refused and in my post birth fog, I asked her how many tickets she bought and couldn't she see I had a tiny baby with me? A man jumped up and gave me his seat (lovely man) so I let it go. But if had seen that exchange I would have moved the woman's bags myself. Selfish bitch.

Luna13 Fri 25-Oct-13 06:19:24

I'm 24wp (look quite big), and yesterday was offered a seat for the first time on overground. Actually twice, both by very young women. Pleasantly surprised :-) Just not sure if it happened because I am pg or because I was with 2yo in the pram and seats were next to parked pram wink But I commute every day to work, an hour each way, LU, and people put LOADS of effort not to see me... Not brave enough to ask.

coldwater1 Fri 25-Oct-13 06:00:17

YANBU I am 34 weeks pregnant, very anemic and suffering badly from dizzy/fainting spells, not to mention the fact my bump is now quite heavy.

I have to travel two hours across London to get to uni and if the bus or tram are packed i have to stand, i've had ONE person offer me a seat in this whole pregnancy! People just have no manners. I've had to get off the tram a couple of times because i get hot and dizzy and feel sick, sit at the tram stop to recover and catch the next one. Its not ideal but i don't feel confident enough to ask for a seat.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Fri 25-Oct-13 01:42:50

I really hate the phrase "pregnancy isn't an illness". Only people who haven't had children or are massive knobs use it.

NO it isn't an illness but it does completely fuck up your balance and if a woman was standing there holding a baby in her arms and possibly at risk of falling over on it... I'd damn well move. Same goes to a woman with a bump surely? f she falls on it it is dangerous for her and the baby.

Some women haven't eaten properly for ages due to nausea. And likely to be dizzy.

Haven't slept properly for weeks

Have SPD

Have fainting spells.

Have super sensitive bumps and find it very painful when bashed in to repeatedly.

Oh and some actually die from it.. so yes, it frequently causes complications that very much make you feel ill

I know some women claim to feel like Superwoman while pregnant but the truth is the vast fucking majority feel like shit. So just be nice and help out.

magicberry Fri 25-Oct-13 00:21:08

definitely ask - I usually focus on the seats labelled for the purpose (disabled/elderly/pg/with young children). Obviously not if someone with greater need is sitting in it though!

howrudeforme Fri 25-Oct-13 00:20:03

Oh I get this.

On tube I found that people were so far into their earphones and music (this was pre kindle which is worse) so they didn't notice.

But I've found fathers to be the bloody worst. I had an huge pregnacy and one day on the tube I got on with a mum, dad, and three kids who were determined to get a seat. They all got one and I got one too except the father decided that his laptop case would go down my side of the seat and it was a real squeeze. I made faces and noise that the entire carriage could get but not him.It got to point it was more comfortable to stand up. I did so - he then asked me if I was OK - my response was yeah fine but his bag was clearly more tired and entitled than I was and needed it's own seat - he actually acknowledged this as the truth - the carriage burst out laughing.

When I'm on the tube I listen and read to stuff but at each stop I do look to see if there's a person who needs the seat more than me.

Some of it sheer crappiness and some of it is that people are very engrossed in their techology and not aware.

LisasCat Fri 25-Oct-13 00:11:47

My London Underground experience when clearly pregnant involved a carriage full of people who ignored me until an American woman, mid-twenties, walked half the length of the carriage to offer me her seat (while glaring at everyone else). Bless her. At least a couple had the decency to look embarrassed.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Thu 24-Oct-13 23:14:18

I came here to defend London Underground but see that almost EVERYONE has piled on as well. So here goes...commuted on the tube every day until 38 weeks, travelled regularly on LT until 41 weeks, always offered a seat - usually by young men or women rather than middle-aged men. Almost always offered a hand with the pram onto buses and up stairs. DS is usually offered a seat as well.

My mum came down for a weekend recently and got offered a seat on every tube journey. She was a bit dismayed to be honest, she's only 67!

he said 'where am I supposed to put it?'

"In the space where your brain should be?"

YANBU.

EugenesAxe Thu 24-Oct-13 23:11:29

YANBU and actually, like notanother I often felt most in need of a seat in the invisible months, when very nauseous and prone to swoons.

The point is, every pregnancy is different and whether the world is aware of complications such as hip pain or not, if you want a seat you should bloody get it at ANY stage.

Notanotherusername Thu 24-Oct-13 23:04:02

Say: Sorry, can I have a seat please? I am pregnant and I feel I am about to vomit (make appropriate sound) try to do this to whoever is sitting in the disabled/pregnant/older people/woman and child sign if they do not give up their seat and they are not any of those mentioned, you can legally ask them to move. But usually they will give up their seat and/or other people will.
Be assertive. I did this on the underground because I fainted twice for being 'brave' and no one cares. My blood pressure was always very low.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Thu 24-Oct-13 22:23:40

The joys of public transport!

I remeber bein on the tube bumping dd down every stair in her pram.. while being pushed past no one stopping to offer and no one slowing down enough to be asked.

An American woman and her partner walks past me and she turns to him and says, "seriously? You aren't going to offer help her down the stairs?" grin He looked suitable shamed!

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Thu 24-Oct-13 22:17:20

But first say,

Well you could try holding it you lazy fucker.

Then throw it.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Thu 24-Oct-13 22:16:10

where am I supposed to put it?'

I am sorry.. he said whaaat?

Sit on it next time. Or throw it. The wank stain

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Thu 24-Oct-13 22:12:05

Where is he supposed to put it ? I was brought up too much of lady to say where, but let's just say where the sun doesn't shine!!!! Rude obnoixious man. xx

persimmon Thu 24-Oct-13 22:10:00

I lived in London for years and was always amazed at how quickly and politely people gave up their seats for the elderly, pregnant, blind, etc. I also saw no end of people help others with pushchairs on escalators, etc. It's usually people who've never lived in London who have these misconceptions.
However, OP, ask for a seat if you need one. And the man with the bag was an utter twat.

Mintyy Thu 24-Oct-13 22:06:22

Why don't I believe it? Because it just seems so completely unlikely of course!

The train was packed and people were standing and you asked if he could move his bag so you could sit down and he said "where else am I supposed to put it?"

I am veteran of 30ish years of using overcrowded public transport in London but have never witnessed such an exchange, or heard of similar from anyone I know, so that is what makes me find it unbelievable.

Babysealion Thu 24-Oct-13 21:41:00

Why don't you believe it Mintyy? confused
The train was packed, he had his bag on the seat next to him and by the looks of it didn't want to inconvenience himself by having to put it in the overhead luggage space as it was a fairly large bag. Still don't know why that means that I should have had to stand up and in hindsight I should have stood up for myself.

Mintyy Thu 24-Oct-13 20:46:59

Hmmm. Really don't believe he said "where am I supposed to put it?" when you asked him to move his bag. Just don't believe that at all.

Coupon Thu 24-Oct-13 20:44:59

YANBU to expect a seat if you needed one. Other people can't judge how you are feeling so should give you the benefit of the doubt and take your word for it.

LadyMedea Thu 24-Oct-13 20:43:59

On the worry of asking someone to give up their seat if they have an invisible disability (which I do) just ask those in the priority seats 'are you able to stand?' If someone asked me this I can just say 'sorry I can't' but I don't then have to explain myself to a stranger.

birdsnotbees Thu 24-Oct-13 20:37:08

I live ooop north and when pregnant never had a problem - and in fact one very kind man offered me a seat this morning. I'm not pregnant but I worked until 1am last night (it was 8am the following day) so he must have seen how unbelievably knackered I was. I could have kissed him.

I did visit London when massively pregnant and it was ace. I waddled onto a full tube, hung off one of the poles, panting, and said "can anyone give a very pregnant woman a seat please?" Three men shot up out of their seats, and one even gave my mum a seat too. I also was allowed to jump the queue on the London Eye. Tbf, I was about to pop...

Really can't believe Bag Man, nor the fact that no one else said 'WTAF?" to him. I would have, on your behalf!

PaperPomPom Thu 24-Oct-13 20:28:55

Ooh spork I saw something about that on the television a few weeks ago. They were talking about emergencies, that rather than saying "someone help!" Generally singling someone out is better, for example, "you in the blue jumper! I need help!" as it is harder to ignore and assume someone else is helping.

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