To expect teacher to ask DD 6 a few more questions about her illness when she is crying with pain?

(59 Posts)
GobbolinoCat Wed 23-Oct-13 22:00:57

Twice now the school has surprised me with this.

1) Sunday DD seems to be ill, dreadful headache, glassy eyes but no other symptoms.

Monday morning she seems totally fine, we send her to school she is v happy to go.

I email and call the school to tell them, she seemed to be v ill the day before but fine today however, she is shy and will probably not feel OK to approach a teacher yet to say she is ill. Can someone just ask her if she OK at some point to make sure, and if not I can pick her up.

NOTHING.

Pick up DD she looks horrendous, pale, red round eyes, tired, weeping, goes straight to bed when gets home and says no one asked her!

Call school, only get office staff who said she did pass on the message and someone told her to put her coat on confused. Didn't take it further as thought maybe they did ask her but that she did not relate that to me.

2).

DD sick sunday, off school Monday, mostly OK Monday back to school Tuesday, fine Tuesday and Tuesday night and Wed am.

Collect her Wednesday am and she is in another dreadful state, the lady has her arms round her, and as soon as she gets in the car she vomits everywhere, wailing with headache etc.

Ask her did she not tell the teacher and she said she did tell the teacher and the teacher said " don't cry".

That was it.

I do not know how to proceed with this, what is general policy?

I would expect a teacher or someone to notice she was ill as she is crying, pale, looks ill - it was obvious today, and ask her a few more questions and perhaps phone me to come and get her?

I took her to docs after and the doc was carrying her for me, I have never seen him be so nice, he was saying, you poor thing you don't look well! It was obvious she wasn't well and the teacher had spoken to her.

What do I say? Is this normal? Its just we get lots of strong messages to make sure the children go in...

Tabby1963 Thu 24-Oct-13 16:49:56

OP, at my primary school teachers refer pupils to support staff who are first aiders. The children have to approach their teacher and say they feel unwell first though.

If I am on first aid duty I will take the child aside or to medical room and ask various questions to get more information about symptoms etc. I may ask if they have felt like this before so I can get a better picture of what's going on. We have good facilities at the medical room (bed, medical equipment, ice packs, filtered water etc).

It is usually easy to see if a child genuinely feels ill, they look tense, subdued, uncomfortable. However, I have to contact a member of the management team to get permission to phone home to get a member of the family to pick up child.

Occasionally, I will be told that I can phone to let family know, but will keep child at school and monitor them. If they continue to feel very unwell, we will call back and ask for a pick up.

A lot depends on the age of the child too. Younger children may feel less able to describe how they feel. I would be more likely to phone home for infants.

OP, next time your daughter attends school after a weekend of feeling unwell, please write a note detailing your concerns and asking for a phone call home if she becomes unwell again.

I would hope that the school will be able to do this for you. They are unlikely to keep asking your daughter if she feels ok though, they will wait for her to alert them if she feels ill.

It is wrong of the teacher to have told your daughter to "stop crying" when she felt ill. Hope you can sort it out.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 24-Oct-13 16:59:44

TbH Op, I would be concerned about the amount of head injuries your child seems to be having...

BonaDea Thu 24-Oct-13 19:10:06

OP - I also started to suffer from migraines around that age too. When you said glassy eyes and vomiting it just hit a nerve. Maybe get it checked out. I also often got them on Sundays although I know that sounds weird - dont know whether it was the excitement of the weekend or dreading school (I hated school although I always did well).

OldRoan Thu 24-Oct-13 19:25:19

I was teaching my Y2 class - they were eating snack on the carpet and I was worried about one boy (who is v shy and rarely speaks anyway). I took him to one side, asked if he was ok - he nodded, I prompted "a bit tired maybe?" - shakes head, "are you feeling sick? Do you want to go for a drink of a water?" - shakes head.

15 minutes later he vomited onto his maths book.

You have my sympathies, OP, but it really is difficult. I hope your DD feels better soon.

clam Thu 24-Oct-13 19:53:28

We've had complaints from some parents about phoning them re: their children presenting as ill, as they're reluctant to leave work to collect them unless they're "really" ill. hmm They clearly think that the school is fussing, and therefore the pendulum has swung back the other way a fair bit and we will try to jolly them along until home-time.

One parent recently refused to come and get her child as she "was busy" and why couldn't we put her to lie down somewhere.

This is the line that school staff have to walk. For every parent who wishes to be informed (as you are), there's another who doesn't.

I agree with those who say it's generally not the best idea to ask a child how they're feeling, as it can serve to remind them that they've been feeling rough. We have a lot of parents who send their kids to school in the morning with the promise of "tell your teacher if you feel ill and I'll come and get you home." Lo and behold, they decide they're feeling ill half way through maths.

I've developed a pretty good radar for genuine illness over the years, as opposed to "I'm tired and fed up and want my mum," but even I have cocked up occasionally. It's early in the year for the teacher to know your child well enough, but there are some who you take one look at and say "let's call Mum." It does sound as though this might have been one of those occasions, but it was missed. I don't think it's worth going in "all guns blazing" though. Half term is coming up, so she'll get some rest and recuperation there and hopefully it'll all behind her.

If not, get her checked out for migraines.

cansu Thu 24-Oct-13 20:08:51

i think children can pick up and go downhill very quickly. I have been called in to collect dd urgently to find her skipping out happily to meet me after vomiting everywhere and crying on TA knee. an hour later she looked awful again. I think you have to recognise that maybe she seemed Ok then felt poorly then maybe got on with things and then went down hill. perhaps by the time she was looking rough it was nearly the end of the day anyway. tbh no teacher will risk a child throwing up in class but they probably dont have a minute to sit down when dealing with little ones. I think you need to accept that your dd should not be in school if you arent sure she is well. Teacher wont have deliberately ignored your dd so she either misjudged it (which is easily done as they can seem fine one minute and dreadful the next) or didnt notice. Either way I dont see the point making an issue out of it.

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 20:43:04

Tabby

I do not think my school has anything in place as you describe. What you are saying you do is what I expect to be done.

My DD is in year one and has lots of enthusiasm for school and enjoys going. Even if she did not the concept of putting something on, is beyond her at the moment. I know some children do not, but I do not see why we are sort of tarring all DC with the same brush.

It just seems odd to almost ignore illness and never ask the dc questions, in case one is putting it on. When as a few posters have said its pretty obvious when a child looks ill.

What if that one time a child is seriously ill and they are being ignored because Tommy makes it up?
i do not see the harm in being "pro active" and asking a child who looks and is acting ill, are you ok.

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 20:46:10

cansu

I think you need to accept that your dd should not be in school if you arent sure she is well.

Absolutely!! The first time I sent her in was most definalty a mistake.

Second time round, she had been off school with no more sickness or temp and seemed fine.

I will be erring on the side of caution in future.

I just find it all at odds with the attendance thing and being soo strict about attendance.

clam Thu 24-Oct-13 20:56:50

Whilst it's often (although not always) easy to spot the tell-tale signs of illness in one's own child in a 1:1 situation at home, it is totally different in school, where there are 30 children all clamouring for attention at once. It is regrettable, but sometimes these things do get missed - if there were, indeed, any visible signs during school time. Remember, you didn't see her until an hour later, and it could have been within that time that she deteriorated.

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