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AIBU to ask is that all there is?

(10 Posts)
HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:34:59

I've reached a certain stage/age in my life where I just think, oh F it.

All I seem to do is work to pay mortgage. I'm past my sell by date when it comes to babies/men so it seems. Or attract men I'm not interested in. Maybe I should just be less fussy.

My career is ok but been in it for 3.5 years after a slight change and it feels like forever but in a bad way. Was bullied by my colleague and her friend who works as a temp in the office and was also an ex family friend. Had counselling to get over that. when I dared to raise a disciplinary about my bullying I got virtually no support, I lost my temper (shouldn't have done but one of the bullies had had a go at me 2 weeks earlier totally unprovoked etc) and ended up getting an unfair written warning which I'm told has run out now.

I have options where I could train to be an office manager in another field. I have good friends. But some of my friends are like me worrying about meeting men or don't want to, either can't have kids or not sure if they can have them/ should they be a stepparent etc.

I just don't feel happy anymore. I don't feel suicidal or even depressed I just feel I don't know - this is NOT the life I chose for me and maybe I should have settled with X guy years ago, had kids etc.

anyway maybe not best place but AIBU? or any suggestions to get my ass out of gear. ta very much.

LaGuardia Wed 23-Oct-13 20:41:15

You know this this is Mumsnet, right?

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Wed 23-Oct-13 20:43:07

How old are you? Unfortunately I have concluded I am "on the shelf" where dating is concerned, so I've given up on finding love.

I don't see that its Mumsnet has anything to do with it!

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:45:28

LaGuardia of course I know this is Mumsnet but the problems here certainly don't relate JUST to mums!

I'm 42

schmee Wed 23-Oct-13 20:49:07

LaGuardia - what do you mean?

OP - I think when you are younger life seems to be full of huge possibilities. When you get older you have to grieve other possible versions of your life. This is whether you are married with children or single. But you still can create different options for yourself. If work is the main thing in your life and it isn't making you happy you need to change something about it or change jobs. What do you do outside of work? Is there something you can build on there? What did you dream of doing when you were a kid?

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Wed 23-Oct-13 20:50:08

I think that you can get to a stage in your life when - how to put this - you realise that you will never get back the years you've had. That sounds very bleak, and I don't mean it to. Rather, what I mean is that an expectation for things you "should" have done is certainly there but also I think we feel in ourselves we should be settled, or more settled than we are at any rate. I probably look fairly stable and sorted but I'm not, I have regrets, too many of them to share here.

Do you want children? If you do I think it's a bit "now or never".

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:53:58

weneedtotalk - that's so right. and TBH I'm not even bleak or thinking or dwelling on the past. does that make sense?

Yes, I do think I should be more settled etc but then again I'm fairly settled so not unduly unhappy. the one thing I do do or try to do is to sort out my problems. The bullying was nasty and tough though.

I'm on the fence re kids. sort of thinking about freezing kids but maybe eggs are too old. and I have to think again re do I really really really want kids etc? the cat'll do me for now. grin

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:56:09

Thanks Schmee.

You're sort of right. I do have interests outside work but they're drinking/eating out etc... I don't do enough of what makes ME happy and I should do. I do do stuff but don't do e.g. craft or other stuff that can and did please me.

Dreaming of doing when I was a kid?! Doesn't apply now and I can't remember. Is that sad?!

Oh and I am working on changing jobs I just can't leave like I used to do in past as the jobs are not out there.

but I am training/retraining just booked on a course for In Design. (architecture package).

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Wed 23-Oct-13 20:57:01

I was bullied at work, once (a while ago now thankfully) and it was horrific. It just about drove me to be suicidal and I would have said I was a very resilient person.

It can take a while to get over as well - even now if I am summoned to my boss's office I think "shit!" rather than that she wants to check something quickly.

I feel in a bit of a rut, so I feel your pain - it's hard knowing sometimes what the best move is. I just tend to think I'll figure it out as and when!

HelloBoys Sat 26-Oct-13 17:04:59

Hi weedneedtotalkaboutkettles. ITA with you re the bullying. It is awful and horrific and I was almost suicidal over it, but would never have done anything. I was similar to you or I am, quite resilient.

I know now after a warning at work (now expired) and cunning game playing on my part that I am safe or as safe as I can be at work with my boss. Much as I'd love to leave jobs aren't that easy to come by nowadays but I am retraining.

I am very much the same re the rut and next move. and as and when is great but I do think planning/list making helps. Otherwise nothing ever gets done.

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