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AIBU to refuse access to daughter ( long story sorry )

(104 Posts)
lolarose2591 Wed 23-Oct-13 19:09:00

hi , I me and my ex had our daughter when we were v young but made it work. last year I gave birth to a lil boy and whilst being pregnant with him my partner was having an affair with my best friend who happens to be my daughter god mother.

we obviously split up and he has wanted access to my daughter but not my son, I have refused him access as I think this is unfair.

then a few months ago my daughter fell extremely poorly and had to have serious surgery, I rang him and let him and also did let her see him at this time as I thought we were going to lose her . she has still not fully recovered and probably won't but he is still not treating my son the same so have stopped contact until further notice

but I don't know if im being unreasonable to my daughter ?

moreyear Thu 24-Oct-13 08:06:23

What a horrid, vile person he must be to treat your son in this manner Lola. Has he spent any time with him at all?

I hope for your children's sake he begins to act in a more responsible and nurturing manner but until he does I can completely understand why you want to act in this way. It must absolutely break your heart.

And if your son is one in a week it will only be a very short time before he will be able to recognise what is happening. My 15 month old screams like an angry Pterodactyl when my 2 1/2 year old is taken to playschool a couple of mornings a week. She is certainly aware if her brother is going out without her.

GetOrfMoiLandFucker Thu 24-Oct-13 08:20:12

Oh bless you OP. It all sounds a nightmare, I don't blame you for being upset about the whole thing. Plus you have the worry of your daughter being type 1 diabetic and having to manage that for her.

It's a real shame that you have little real life support. The fact that your XP you classed as your family, and also a best friend of 10 years, it must feel like an enormous blow. You have an awful lot on your plate. Wish someone was there to be a shoulder to cry on!

I think it is very unfair for him not to what to see his son. I actually think you're in the right in wanting him to take them both and well done for persevering with it. However, as hurtful and hateful it must be, I think you should forget about keeping your children away from his girlfriend. I know it goes against every instinct you have, however I think it might be best to pick your battles - if you give way on that point it may well be easier for you to encourage him to take your son and get to know him. Oh what an arse he is to have to be persuaded.

I hope he comes to the party and perhaps he will reconsider.

And the bitterness and anger will go in time, and the feeling of hurt. You have a lot to deal with for someone so young but you come across very well on here so you should be proud that you have managed to keep it all together in what has been a very stressful time for you.

lolarose2591 Thu 24-Oct-13 08:57:33

moreyear, he has spent no time with him , from not being at the birth ( ok this was kind of my fault in a way ) too not coming in the house and meeting daughter downstairs instead.

getormoil - my daughter hasn't only got diabetes this is why I let him in the first place was because she fell extremely sick and had to have her pancreas, gall bladder, part of her stomach. part of her small intestine and spleen removed which has left her with diabetes, doesn't produce enzymes and prone to infections. I knew she needed her dad at this time and I also wanted him there. In this time he still refused to care for ds. I just really don't understand it , the only thing I can think of is guilt ! that he feels guilty at what he done when I was pregnant with him.

I am also worried that if I force it or do all the persuaded it will always be a resented relationship if that makes sense ?

RedHelenB Thu 24-Oct-13 09:34:48

I had a very similar situation & said all or none. He chose all but ALWAYS with OW in tow so I think YAB a bit U to force that issue & so would most courts.

I think it is guilt & the reminder to OW that you were obviously still having sexual relations when they were having their affair. My ds was wanted & planned but he didn't see him for over a year, until I forced the issue. Positives are they have a relationship now but nothing like the father/son relationship they could have.

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