To feel sorry for some dads during labour when....

(131 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Wed 23-Oct-13 16:37:51

....at the crucial moment the woman says she wants someone else with her at the birth?

I have just watched an episode of OBEM and the woman in labour (aged 18) had her mom with her and the baby's dad who she'd been in a relationship with for two years. In one scene the mom left the room and the guy told his partner that he wished there was more time for just the two of them so they could talk and just be alone together. He said, "Afterall, it is our baby." He was very nice about it but it pulled on my heart strings a little. Sadly the labour didn't progress as well as hoped and the woman needed to be taken to theatre for assisted delivery and she just kept saying, "Can my mom come? I want my mom. I want my mom!" The dad asked the staff if he could go too but they said only one adult could accompany. The woman continued to say she wanted her mom and so they all left the room leaving the poor dad, absolutely petrified and in tears on his own. The cameras just showed him sitting there on a chair in silence in the corner of the room clearly in bits as to what was going on.

I fully understand that in such a daunting situation like labour the woman should have whoever she chooses with her because she needs to be kept calm, but I still can't help feel sorry for the dad's who might get pushed to the side and miss the birth of their child.

When me and husband watch OBEM together and a similar scenario arises he said that he would never allow me to choose someone else over him because he would never forgive me for making him miss his child being born. Obviously this is hypothetical and I would never want anyone but my husband by my side anyway. He also has a little rant about the 'maternal grandmas to be' who are at the labours and says he can't believe they push the dad out - he reckons that when they are told only one adult can be with the pregnant woman during dangerous periods of labour they should back down out of courtesy and allow the couple to share the moment.

Like I said, I fully support any woman's choice to have whoever she wants at the birth but I do feel bad for some men if they are made to miss it.

I'm just curious if anyone on here has been in any kind of similar situation and how your partners reacted?

Writerwannabe83 Thu 24-Oct-13 17:29:36

How do I think it's going to be then bakingseals??

It's amazing how you know my own thoughts better than I do.... hmm smile

noNicknameAnymore Thu 24-Oct-13 17:34:24

Ha ha so my friend ex was a real monster in big STYLE
The only thing she COULD REMEMBER FROM HER LABOUR NIGHT WAS HARENDOUS UNHUMAN PAIN and her ex and so called "midwife" shouting at her like pice of c**p to push
Its esspecially tragic cos
the so called professional must knew that my friend was not able to push and she was supposed to have cs

When my friend told me what has happened to her ..............
When she wake up a few hours later she was that weak that she wasn't able to rise her hand with plastic cap with two spoon of water
But ha ha we have 21 century and things like that not happening
They didn't even bothered to explain her what had really happened because they said that "she did not speak any English"
But in my private opinion they just realised that they MADE SUCH BIG MISTAKE AND THEY WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR RISKING LIFE OF THE WOMAN AND HER BABY

noNicknameAnymore Thu 24-Oct-13 17:38:24

So just imagine guy's there are some poor "lovely daddies" out there

ApocalypseThen Thu 24-Oct-13 18:43:05

I don't think who you want there is a function of anything other than how you personally feel about the process of giving birth. My view is that I want someone who knows what's happening so I don't feel like I have to take care of their fears and can relax. For me, that's my mum. She wouldn't need to ask me what to do, she'd know. I'm the kind of person who would need that. When I'm scared or in pain, I find communication more difficult - I'm a shutdown kinda gal at those times.

My mum gets that. My husband is fine with it but I think I'd struggle more to care for his feelings.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 24-Oct-13 19:08:28

It hadn't even crossed my mind to have a 2nd person there, I wouldn't even know who I'd pick. Maybe I could have a hypothetical think about it smile

Is it more common now then for most women to have multiple birthing partners as opposed to just their partner/husband?

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Thu 24-Oct-13 21:38:07

I don't know.. women were giving birth for a long time before men started getting involved in the birth process. I don't think it hurt anything then and its really a very recent thing to have men in the room.. SO I am not surprised many women are now starting to have someone else in the room too

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