To suggest ds being moved away from a certain child in class

(88 Posts)
bubalou Tue 22-Oct-13 15:11:03

Advice needed from more experiences parents please smile

Ds is 5 and in year 1 of school. In reception we had no problems with any other children, we know there are some that misbehave more then others but that's children.

He has obviously moved teachers now and since being in year 1 they have 'assigned seating'. It seems like she changed the tables around a bit the first few weeks I'm guessing to establish which kids sit and work well together or to move friends so they don't mess around etc.

I don't overreact so when ds has come home and said that this particular child - lets called him 'Damien' (wink) has pushed him over today - I cuddle him, talk about it and we let it go. The next week Damien hit him and told ds he hated him but ds also told me that Damien got sent to the office for this. Since then it has been 1-2 times a week of pushing, stabbing in the arm with a pencil!!! And yesterday ds had black felt tip all over the back of his sweater - Damien again! I found out that poor ds has had to sit next to Damien every day - probably why this is occurring so often.

It's parents evening tomorrow - Aibu to being this up with teacher?

bubalou Fri 25-Oct-13 15:06:47

Thank all.

Funnily enough the thing that the other child does that upsets ds the most is drawing on his work books.

Ds has a little bit of OCD - not taking this phrase lightly, it's not diagnosed or particularly bad like hand washing etc but he likes certain things to be neat and gets upset for example if he has to cross something out rather then run it out in his book etc.

I told the teacher this and that it really upsets Ds that he's working and this child draws on his book and his work.

Her reply was that 'it's only a little line he draws when he does this and in fairness I have told 'ds' to do it back to him - which may or may not be the right thing' confusedconfusedconfused

Ds as I have said is not perfect but he isn't like that - as I have said above about his neatness - he would never do that to another child, even when provoked.

The funny thing is this child being called a bully - he is much smaller then ds (ds is the youngest in the year but he is also one of the tallest). I know it's not about how tall they are.

I'm not looking forward to pot trolley another 10+ years of school drama. wine

bubalou Fri 25-Oct-13 15:08:15

Bloody spell check - I meant 'run out' and 'potentially' another ten years!! confused

Vivacia Fri 25-Oct-13 16:01:50

Yes colder. I respect the teacher's professionalism, their experience and the fact that they are actually there. I know this isn't a popular opinion but it's one I expect in my profession and a courtesy I extend to others.

What's the alternative colder?

If I felt I had enough evidence that my child was in any kind of "danger" and the teacher inept, I have the option of removing my child from their care.

bubalou Fri 25-Oct-13 16:21:53

I'm confused Vivacia

You would 'remove your child from the teachers care if you felt you had enough evidence they were in danger and the teacher inept'

yet you think that if this continues me asking the teacher to move him is over stepping the mark?

I have left this for over a month and left her to handle it. She has pretty much brushed off the issue when I bought it up. The conversation went like this (shorter version)

'I am concerned about ds and a certain child' - yes I know, you mean (childs name). 'yes, ds has been coming home 1-2 times a week for over a month now with various issues and reasons for being upset (listed them) and i know he is having to sit next to this child every day' - yes but DS does say things back to him, they do it to each other, it's backwards and forwards.

So I said - Oh OK, has DS spat on this child - No
Has he stabbed this child with a pencil or any other instruments - no
Has he pushed him over in the play ground - no
Has he drawn over his clothes - no

(these are all things he has done to my ds)
I asked what he does and apparently ds 'says things back' to this child when they bicker - NO SHIT!

If it's writing on the book or saying something then I might let it slip but if DS gets hurt one more time by this child I have given teacher enough notice I think to insist - quite fairly that he is moved!

Vivacia Fri 25-Oct-13 16:23:52

I haven't read through that post OP, but I wasn't referring to your situation, just in general and in response to colder's question.

Vivacia Fri 25-Oct-13 16:24:39

Meant to say, I think you've handled this great and sem to have the outcome you wanted.

SunshineMMum Fri 25-Oct-13 18:39:13

Bullying is horrendous, we are going through this at the moment at a new secondary school after two years solid of it at primary. It does sound like you are on the case, with the right amount of assertiveness, that behaviour is unacceptable. They really need to have a behaviour plan for strategies, but of course it wouldn't be appropriate for the teacher to discuss that with you.

Is it at all possible, that your child is goading this child verbally in any way. It doesn't make bullying right, but is the teacher indicated some sort of tit for tat behaviour. Kids can be cruel to children with behavioural issue, not that I am suggesting for one moment, that your child is.

LEMisafucker Fri 25-Oct-13 18:43:38

Ask him round for a play date - then check his scalp for the mark of the devil thlgrin

toobreathless Fri 25-Oct-13 18:49:52

YANBU & you sound lovely and very sensible.

I would ask the teacher to try and address matters, although to be fair it does sound as though they are trying. If things don't improve Ineoukd want DS moved. Tough if other parents d

toobreathless Fri 25-Oct-13 18:51:55

.....don't want their child sat next to Damien. If necessary Daniem needs to sit at a table by himself if every other reasonable measure had failed. It is not acceptable for another child to put up with aggressive behaviour on a regular basis.

bubalou Fri 25-Oct-13 21:39:22

Thank you all - sunshinemmum - I have thought about this and as I said I'm not a mum that beloved her child is the messiah and incapable of doing anything wrong but he really isn't like that.

Even at 5 he takes work, school and being in class quote seriously. He comes back daily and tells me how he can't believe 'so and so' wasn't listening to the teacher etc.

He is an only child and honestly is just so gentle and sweet with other children and the teacher did day this. I suppose I can't be 100% sure though but this kid has caused problems for lots of other people I know too and has had bad behaviour issues since he started reception with ds over a year ago.

confused

SunshineMMum Fri 25-Oct-13 21:44:26

It is really tough Ds has ADS so we have been on both sides of the fence in terms of the scribbling etc, which is pretty tough to take for a child who is conscientious. the violence is another matter entirely too. Stick to your guns, I hope that child gets the intervention he needs to be able to integrate, there must be some issues, be it behavioural or something else. Awful for those suffering! flowers

SunshineMMum Fri 25-Oct-13 21:44:51

... oops wine ASD

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