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AIBU?

To suggest ds being moved away from a certain child in class

87 replies

bubalou · 22/10/2013 15:11

Advice needed from more experiences parents please

Ds is 5 and in year 1 of school. In reception we had no problems with any other children, we know there are some that misbehave more then others but that's children.

He has obviously moved teachers now and since being in year 1 they have 'assigned seating'. It seems like she changed the tables around a bit the first few weeks I'm guessing to establish which kids sit and work well together or to move friends so they don't mess around etc.

I don't overreact so when ds has come home and said that this particular child - lets called him 'Damien' () has pushed him over today - I cuddle him, talk about it and we let it go. The next week Damien hit him and told ds he hated him but ds also told me that Damien got sent to the office for this. Since then it has been 1-2 times a week of pushing, stabbing in the arm with a pencil!!! And yesterday ds had black felt tip all over the back of his sweater - Damien again! I found out that poor ds has had to sit next to Damien every day - probably why this is occurring so often.

It's parents evening tomorrow - Aibu to being this up with teacher?

OP posts:

Report

bubalou · 22/10/2013 15:12

Sorry for crap spelling - bloody phone!

OP posts:

LookingThroughTheFog · 22/10/2013 15:14

Not unreasonable at all! Though I'm always of the opinion that communicating concerns with the school is always reasonable. Work with them!

mummymeister · 22/10/2013 15:15

absolutely not. if your DS is well behaved then this is why they sit the naughty child next to him. ask for one of them to be moved. I know someone has to sit next to him but it doesn't have to be your child every day does it. DS had this and it went on for 6 months. lost her confidence and enjoyment in school. I kept leaving it for the teacher to sort out but because other parents had kicked off about this child and I hadn't mine was the one sat next to her. stabbing in the arm is assault and the school should not tolerate this at all.

mrsscoob · 22/10/2013 15:16

YANBU I would definitely ask for him to be moved if it were my child.

trinity0097 · 22/10/2013 15:20

I am a teacher and I would far rather a parent told me about what was happening than just demaning that a child is moved, I then as a professional can take the best course of action.

mrsjay · 22/10/2013 15:20

YANBu tell them what is happening ask for your son to be moved asap I think the teacher has had long enough to decide they dont work sitting together,

blahblahblah2014 · 22/10/2013 15:25

YANBU

RiceAndP · 22/10/2013 15:26

I had to speak with my dc teacher last week about being moved away from another child. This child keeps calling my dc a f...ing c...t of which I find totally unacceptable in a primary school. So no you are not BU to request this and I must say that the teacher has been brilliant in working on this together.
My dc was really scared to even tell me the language that was used, and the cuddles came in handy when he finally told me.

bubalou · 22/10/2013 15:39

Thank you for the replies.

DS is my 1st and currently only child and I worried I was making a fuss.

Ds I'm sure isn't perfect but I'm not deluded, I know that he's not perfect - there's no such thing!

I do know for a fact however that this child gets sent to the office for these types of offences all the time.

Ds has come home today and told me that one of his poor friends got punched really hard in the chest by Damien today.

Ds is very confident and doesn't get upset by other peoples actions easily so at the moment he isn't 'distraught' by what is going on but I don't want him to get to that point!

By the way I am very careful not to react with him and put ideas in his head by saying 'what has Damien done today' - I always just say 'how was your day' and he tells me.

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bubalou · 22/10/2013 15:40

Riceandp - how old is this child!?! It doesn't really matter I suppose but primary school age with that language!

Makes me worry what that child has to listen to at home.

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mrsjay · 22/10/2013 15:42

you are not over reacting the little boy is obviously a bit naughty and your son doesn't need to be with him every day it isn't fair and also you don't want your son joining in with him do you , no no child is perfectly behaved all the time we all know our dc and your son deserves not to be poked and prodded speak to the teacher

BrokenSunglasses · 22/10/2013 15:45

YANBU to mention it and say that you are concerned about the number of incidents that have occurred, but this child has to sit next to someone.

I'd ask for their plan of how they are going to prevent it happening rather than ask if your child can be moved. That never comes across well to teachers who are aware there is a problem but they still have to deal with it somehow without completely isolating a 5/6 year old child.

If you don't see an improvement then go to the head. Sometimes it takes complaints from parents to make them do anything, because teachers complaining to the head doesn't always have as much impact on heads.

havatry · 22/10/2013 15:58

I'd mention that he's getting a bit upset by it.

harticus · 22/10/2013 16:25

AbsolutelyNBU - try the teacher first and then if she is ineffective go to the Head. Make sure you keep a note of the things that have happened to your DS so they recognise you are taking this very seriously.

jellybeans · 22/10/2013 16:52

YANBU. It's not fair how kids are allowed to keep hurting other kids although in this case they are very little, in my experience the same ones hitting out in reception are the ones doing it age 11. My son's class was ruined by two disruptive, violent and racist boys. My son was bullied over his disability and girls were called crack whores and prostitutes. When it gets to that level they should find another place of education for them. They should also intervene quicker at a younger age. If it was my child I would insist on moving. In the end my kids did karate and learnt to hit back against the bullies and this helped. Although that was with 11 year olds so not appropriate in your case.

bubalou · 22/10/2013 17:02

Jellybean that's awful.

This is just one child. There are some others that misbehave but this one in particular is really badly behaved.

I hope the teacher is open to listening as I haven't had any one on one time with her before.

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Cityofgold · 22/10/2013 17:03

After one parents' evening the boy I sat next to in my English class got moved away. His parents had said I had been distracting him from the lessons and that was why he was struggling.
I still feel a bit guilty about that, mainly because it was almost certainly true. Definitely bring it up, YANBU, the teacher may well not do anything as someone has to sit next to Damien, but at least you have raised your concerns.

Cityofgold · 22/10/2013 17:05

Jellybeans - not sure learning a martial art in order to hit back is ideal... "But he hit me first" never got me out of any trouble at school.

somersethouse · 22/10/2013 17:09

YANBU, definitely not.

DD (also 5) was seated next to the naughtiest boy. Agree with the poster who says it is because your DS is well behaved, they put the cleverer ones and better behaved ones next to the worst behaved, less bright ones to try and bring the naughty ones along.

It is not fair.
I complained and got my DD moved next to another lovely little girl.
You won't have a problema, I am sure, the next poor child will though!

Whistleblower0 · 22/10/2013 17:30

I'd definitely mention it to the teacher, not fair on your son.

Annagramma · 22/10/2013 17:31

YANBU, although I'm sure the school will be working with the other child's parents due to his behaviour but they aren't dealing with it and protecting your DS well. I'd also ask for a move.

pixiepotter · 22/10/2013 17:34

I am betting the reason why he has beens stuck next to your DS for so long is that all the other parents have already been in to complain!!

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MamaBear17 · 22/10/2013 17:44

Asking for your child to be moved away from a child who is bothering him is perfectly reasonable. In a head of year and regularly have parents who ask this and it is never a problem x

Venushasrisen · 22/10/2013 17:48

I would take in the jumper, just to make your point.

Summergarden · 22/10/2013 18:05

As a teacher I can say its not unreasonable at all, just mention the incidents that have occurred and say that is your basis for not being comfortable with your boy being sat near him any more. It will be fine.

Please do speak to teacher first, personally I hate it when parents go over me and straight to the Head rather than giving me the chance to sort out issues in my class first.

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