Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To be fed up with people telling me I look tired?

(33 Posts)
Kefybaby Sat 19-Oct-13 21:19:54

What is the point? Yes, I am knackered running around two young DC and working full time. Do you need to rub in that I look bad? Sympathy it ain't! angry

Amy106 Sat 19-Oct-13 21:27:35

I get that one myself sometimes. It wouldn't be so bad if they followed up their comments with a practical suggestion like, "You look tired. Why don't you let me take the kids for the day while you have a good long nap?" smile

Anytime I don't wear make up this is exactly what people say. Rude! If they can't say anything nice, they shouldn't say anything at all!

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Oct-13 21:31:34

What makes you think it's not sympathy?

It'd be much worse to ignore any signs that you're feeling like crap.

Do you take them up on the chance to say why you're run off your feet?

Wolfcub Sat 19-Oct-13 21:37:49

I've had a number of colleagues, friends and my husband literally tell me I lion like crap this week. It is really not helpingsad

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sat 19-Oct-13 21:41:33

I agree. I make a point of NOT telling people that they look tired or knackered. You might as well just tell them that they look awful and haggard. It is very rude, imo.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Oct-13 21:41:37

What's that about crapping like a lion Wolfcub??

grin

bigbrick Sat 19-Oct-13 21:42:13

I hate being told how tired I look. If people said I looked like I'd been really busy then this sounds better than tired.

Wolfcub Sat 19-Oct-13 21:42:37

so fecking knackered I can't even type wink

FunnyRunner Sat 19-Oct-13 21:46:20

I had one frenemy years ago who used to tell me I looked tired. Strangely enough she always picked times when I looked good - nice clothes, bit of slap on etc. When I spotted the pattern I was angry Basically she was trying to subtly put me down when I looked nice - all <head tilt> 'Oh you look tired. Is everything okay?'

Needless to say she is an ex-frenemy grin

Kefybaby Sat 19-Oct-13 21:46:52

Agent, Ok, some people might mean well, but it is really not what you want to hear at a vulnerable time and it is not helpful.
Amy, my thoughts exactly! grin

WitchOfEndor Sat 19-Oct-13 21:49:45

I took DS to meet some of DHs work mates (when he was a few weeks old) and the first thing one of them said was "You look tired". I could have punched him.

LateBear Sat 19-Oct-13 21:53:44

It's the 'polite' way of saying you look like shit, and a totally pointless thing to say. What does it achieve except make you feel even worse? I got it off my MIL once when I wasn't wearing make up. I just said oh I'm fine thanks, I'm just not wearing any makeup. (ie this is my natural face!)

DoJo Sat 19-Oct-13 22:03:03

I do think that sometimes people say things like this to give you permission to have a moan about it - it's a way to start a conversation about how you are doing and acknowledging that what you are doing is probably hard work. Still doesn't necessarily feel good though, but unless you suspect someone is actively trying to upset you, take it as a cue to offload for a while.

Kefybaby Sat 19-Oct-13 22:05:39

I often get this comment when I have no makeup on too. I do not know if it means that I look like shit without makeup on or if they are trying to tell me that I cannot hold it together and don't even have time to put some makeup on. Either way, it is not great!

Kefybaby Sat 19-Oct-13 22:10:46

DoJo, you have a point.
Sometimes it is hard to offload, for example in the workplace when you might be trying to appear competent and on top of whatever life might be throwing at you.

GeekInThePink Sat 19-Oct-13 22:12:47

I get this a lot. When I am tired yes but normally I am not so tired I hide it with industrial under eye concealer.

When really gets me is when I get told I'm tired and the person asking gives me a side ways head glance too.

It makes me stabby!

sonlypuppyfat Sat 19-Oct-13 22:14:36

I finished with a friend who kept saying that to me. If you can't say something nice don't say anything.

blue2 Sat 19-Oct-13 22:20:07

I tend to go so pale in the winter, that I almost turn blue! I always get the 'tired' comments.

Now I use this instead of my normal moisturiser...
tinted moistiuriser

The comments have stopped!

noddingoff Sat 19-Oct-13 23:29:12

I hate this. It does mean "you look like shit" and is an utterly pointless comment. I only ever say it to people I know have been up for 36hours without sleep and have just said themselves how tired they are, as a sympathetic thing. Never to anyone who hoped they looked as if they were coping OK.
I get this quite a bit (pale complexion, black rings under eyes unless concealer on). My favourite answer is a spritely "Thanks!" and a big 200 watt smile which is basically a polite way of replying, "You're being an arse".

LimitedEditionLady Sat 19-Oct-13 23:32:42

I get that "oh you look pale"
Yes?i am freeking pale,thats my freeking skin colour!!im not ill or tired im just not blessed with that lovely glow some people have!!

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Oct-13 23:54:31

I used to revel in the 'you're so pale' remarks in my goth days grin the death warmed up look was the aim of the game.

DonnaRoll Sun 20-Oct-13 00:21:36

I also get the 'you look pale, are you feeling alright' comments. I'm not ill, it's the colour of my skin - pale and washed out look. Poor DS has the same colouring as me, very pale but with dark hair and the poor boy doesn't even change colour in the summer!

LimitedEditionLady Sun 20-Oct-13 07:56:22

Oh glad its not just me then!!good job i quite like the pale look,i dont think i look washed out,this is just who i am.

echt Sun 20-Oct-13 08:04:51

It's just bloody rude, unless followed up by an offer of baby-sitting.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now