To think my mother is just awful?

(108 Posts)
TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:47:39

Can anyone else relate to this?

My mother is very hard work. Ill pop in and see her once a week or so as I live a 30 min drive away and have a small ds.

When I see her she is hysterical, as in she talks non-stop about either herself or other people she knows and about their children etc.

-She will show me people's facebook and twitter pages.
-She talks very loudly all the time, almost shouting even if I'm sitting right next to her.
-You cannot interject if she is talking or she goes mad 'IM TALKING!' even if its related.
-She never asks about me or ds at all the whole time.
-If I'm ill or something and say 'God I feel awful' she will automatically say 'I'm ill too' and then go into a massive story about herself.

Me and my sister are at our wits end and are both going through quite a lot in our lives whereas she is healthy, financially stable etc yet constantly makes out like she is having an awful time.

When I had my ds, she didnt bother coming over to see us until I called her crying when I had pnd and was alone when he was 4 weeks old.
She will never come to my house unless I say come over. She never comes over if me or ds are ill (have bother been unwell for a couple of weeks now and haven't heard from her).

I don't really want to spend anymore time with her to be honest sad

Slinkysista Sun 20-Oct-13 17:46:44

Milly I have to agree, even chatting on this thread has helped unload some things I've been carrying around for a while.

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 17:54:32

It's good to know you are not alone. It's good to know you can talk about it and that other people will understand and not say "oh but she's lovely - my teenage friends honestly thought (and still do) that I had a cool and brilliant mum". It's also good to watch your children grow and found a family with a totally different dynamic because after a while you come to realise it wasn't you at all.

Good luck >>>>hugs<<<<<

Slinkysista Sun 20-Oct-13 17:57:35

That's it [married] I always thought it was us and if we did better at school, were better behaved at home she'd be happier but I realise that's not the case.
You are all lovely!

Slinkysista Sun 20-Oct-13 17:59:04

married I meant

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 18:05:54

It wasn't you. And it took me until I was 50 to really understand it wasn't me. Mnet helped and I started looking up the characteristics of narcissism. Now as they are listed I don't think my mother was extreme but enough to dent my self esteem and fill me with self doubt.

I always say though in her defence I was never physically abused (apart from once when she lost it), I was never cold or hungry or dirty and I had everything but I realise now that was for her gratification rather than mine - I had to look nice to create the right impression and I was not allowed to get dirty. Things that I thought were good and made me independent I'm now a bit hmm about in that when I got in from school I did have to get all the veg ready for dinner and I also had to make the beds (no duvets then) and thinking about it she had enough help for that not to have been necessary. And my room was not my room - she went in it every day and moved and straightened and changed things so I was never allowed to keep anything private or where I wanted it or could find it.

Sorry for the rant - sometimes it's good to get it all out.

Slinkysista Sun 20-Oct-13 18:21:50

Oh it really feels good to let it out to people who understand. My mum used to just burst in to my room, nothing was ever private, I wasn't allowed any opinions or just to grow up with my own sense of self. Ever when I was still living at home (in my twenties) she would come in to my bedroom and flick the light on at one and two in the morning to use the computer, which was in my room, to print stuff out for her work, ( she is a night owl, up at all hours doing stuff that 'normal' people do during the day). The fact I had work the next day and she was disturbing me didn't even occur to her!

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 18:32:52

A naughty thought but we could book them all a surprise a holiday for Christmas. A lovely cottage in the middle of nowhere - together - with a big delivery from Sainsburys to which they are not allowed to make any changes grin and set them a task whereby they have to divide the tasks up over five days to ensure they are divied up fairly.

It would probably end up on the 9 o'clock new !

Slinkysista Sun 20-Oct-13 18:39:28

Oh it would end in murder I'm sure! What a thought!! I've often wondered what she would do if she encountered someone just like her! I didn't actually think there was anyone quite like her in the world but I'm beginning to think differently.

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