To think my mother is just awful?

(108 Posts)
TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:47:39

Can anyone else relate to this?

My mother is very hard work. Ill pop in and see her once a week or so as I live a 30 min drive away and have a small ds.

When I see her she is hysterical, as in she talks non-stop about either herself or other people she knows and about their children etc.

-She will show me people's facebook and twitter pages.
-She talks very loudly all the time, almost shouting even if I'm sitting right next to her.
-You cannot interject if she is talking or she goes mad 'IM TALKING!' even if its related.
-She never asks about me or ds at all the whole time.
-If I'm ill or something and say 'God I feel awful' she will automatically say 'I'm ill too' and then go into a massive story about herself.

Me and my sister are at our wits end and are both going through quite a lot in our lives whereas she is healthy, financially stable etc yet constantly makes out like she is having an awful time.

When I had my ds, she didnt bother coming over to see us until I called her crying when I had pnd and was alone when he was 4 weeks old.
She will never come to my house unless I say come over. She never comes over if me or ds are ill (have bother been unwell for a couple of weeks now and haven't heard from her).

I don't really want to spend anymore time with her to be honest sad

DoJo Sat 19-Oct-13 15:52:38

Does she add anything positive to your life? Do you share any pleasant moments? Does she contribute anything beyond stress and upset? Perhaps a bit of a tactical withdrawal would be an idea.

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:54:37

No pleasant moments for a while. She's horrible to my nan too, acts like a spoilt child with her which is weird to watch.

I have no good childhood memories involving her. I wrack my brain trying to remember her reading me a story or something but can't.

ppeatfruit Sat 19-Oct-13 15:56:06

NYANBU Yes agree dojo she sounds unpleasant.has she always been like it?

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:56:18

I feel like I really want a mum, though so don't really want to withdraw. She's not nasty, just such hard work to be around and I always leave more stressed.

maddening Sat 19-Oct-13 15:56:25

Do you think she has some personality disorder or is a bit unstable?

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:57:08

She seems to be getting worse pp

IvanaCake Sat 19-Oct-13 15:57:34

Has she had a sudden change in behaviour or has she always been like this?

IvanaCake Sat 19-Oct-13 15:58:16

Sorry x posts.

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:58:28

I'm really starting to think so maddening but not sure what

YouTheCat Sat 19-Oct-13 15:58:42

How old is she? Has she always been like this or is this odd behaviour for her?

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 15:59:39

She's 62.

I just feel like she's never been there for us emoti

LittleBairn Sat 19-Oct-13 15:59:42

She sounds like a PITA but I wouldn't say awful. I've heard of worse mothers on here she sounds self involved but not knowingly mean or cruel.

Her relationship with her own mum really is between them, I imagine their relationship habits were formed many many years ago its unlikely to change.

Have you or your sis ever spoke about her attitude with her? Maybe she doesn't realise the negative impact it has on your life.

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 16:00:20

..emotionally as its always been about her and her life/career. We just got in the way

geologygirl Sat 19-Oct-13 16:00:22

Is she lonely? Sounds like you're her only outlet, so when she sees you she goes a bit wild? Very odd behaviour and I'd be concerned if she has suddenly become like this.

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 16:01:57

The only awful thing she did was choose my stepdad over me and my sister. He was sexually inappropriate with us both and I'm sure she knew but didn't care and still sees him

Nancy66 Sat 19-Oct-13 16:02:41

If she's like this then I don't think you should see her once a week, it's to much. I'd take it down to once a month.

Alternatively next time she behaves like this you have to say something. My mum is hard work too. If she starts telling me one of her long, rambling stories about people I don't know I stop her and say 'oh I'm not interested in that mum.'

ppeatfruit Sat 19-Oct-13 16:03:02

Would she be open to going for counselling do you think?

Nancy66 Sat 19-Oct-13 16:04:20

Crumpet - posted before I saw your last message.

If you think she knew that you were being sexually abused and ignored it then why on earth would you want to see her every week?

ppeatfruit Sat 19-Oct-13 16:04:30

OMG did you tell her about your stepd.?

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 16:05:33

I do say that sometimes nancy but feel bad.

Also if I see her more often and she runs out of stuff to say she'll just disappear upstairs and go on her computer leaving us downstairs.

I hate how she's not bothered by ds sad she does love him but she's never wanting to see him specifically like come round for a tea

ppeatfruit Sat 19-Oct-13 16:05:53

Nancy She wants a proper mum FGS sad

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 16:07:18

I don't know because she's my mum I guess sad

ppeatfruit Sat 19-Oct-13 16:09:00

Thecrumpet I'll be your mum (a lot of DD'S friends think of me as their surrogate mum grin). It was a joke but I will be if you want I !! grin

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 19-Oct-13 16:10:51

Where do you live pp? ;)

I'm going to start reading the book recommended to me 'Emotionally absent mother' hopefully it will help with some feelings

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