To think these are red flags

(45 Posts)
MuffCakes Thu 17-Oct-13 20:30:27

my friend thinks I'm over reacting,

nice guy couple of dates so far so good but

shit relationship with his ex where they are in court and he sees his children once a fortnight in a contact centre which he has never missed, apparently it's like this because he would not give in to her demands of £400PM.

his dm has a key to his flat and goes over and tidys it up for him.

It might be because I have had a few shitty relationships -_understatement-- and no I don't have any spidery senses about him one way or the other I just find this off putting.

So am I over thinking it all?

SaucyJack Thu 17-Oct-13 21:27:21

What's his income?

£50 per child per week doesn't sound like an outrageous amount for his ex to ask for IMO.

MuffCakes Thu 17-Oct-13 21:30:17

honey she doesn't do it everyday or every week but on a adhoc basis as he works long hours. It only came up as we were chatting about spare keys and he said his dm had one and sometimes popped round and cleaned up.

Yes the vists are because she has told the court the children are at risk of being took by him and took to his country. (even though he has lived here since teenage years) She has said this because he refuses to pay more then what he already pays maintenance.

MuffCakes Thu 17-Oct-13 21:31:01

I don't know what his income is, only had 2 dates.

expatinscotland Thu 17-Oct-13 21:32:27

Muff, you have only his side of the story. Do you REALLY believe the best you can do is a guy who has all this fucking baggage and drama in his life? What a pain in the arse. Dump.

phantomnamechanger Thu 17-Oct-13 21:34:24

Run and don't look back.

MuffCakes Thu 17-Oct-13 21:35:48

It is a lot isn't expat! I know it's not anything yet but being a stepmum is hard work esp with these sorts of issues.

Not for me I'm afraid

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 17-Oct-13 21:35:53

Run like fuck.

Contact centre places are very hard to get without very good reason.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 17-Oct-13 21:37:23

And risk of abduction unless he concurred there was a risk is not normally a good enough reason

jacks365 Thu 17-Oct-13 21:40:57

Muff it is possible if there was a real risk of flight that supervised contact could be ordered but his mum lives local which would go massively in his favour so the ex would have had to prove serious threats being made so text messages or emails, her word would not be enough. These are serious red flags.

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 17-Oct-13 21:43:00

I don't think it's so much a red flag or two as the lifeguards unilaterally closing the beach due to danger tbh.

I'm sorry if you are disappointed and feeling hurt - that must be horrid but better out of this sooner rather than later.

I am really sorry he's been such a disappointment

Drgonzosattorney Thu 17-Oct-13 21:44:41

Ditch the bastard! Sounds like a rotten son of a bitch!

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 17-Oct-13 22:14:19

Run before you get in any deeper

If you're not going to then why even bother asking?

FreudiansSlipper Thu 17-Oct-13 22:24:23

your senses are alert for a reason never ignore regardless if you think that person is nice

and the contact centre that is enough to tell you to stay away

neunundneunzigluftballons Thu 17-Oct-13 22:47:25

Reds flags galore run you can do better

AndysMildAdventures Thu 17-Oct-13 23:01:37

He SAYS the ex made it up because of the money. I could say I have a bright yellow donkey in my back garden but it doesn't mean its a fact.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Fri 18-Oct-13 00:27:22

Family courts are very cautious in the early stages and will often order contact in a contact centre as a starting point, while the information is gathered in to enable a final decision; it's better than no contact at all but acknowledges and guards against alleged risks. It's not necessarily a red flag. The troubled relationship with his ex could well be a load of baggage you don't want to take on, though.

MuffCakes Fri 18-Oct-13 17:21:00

cat es it's not the final decision it's just while it's all sorted out.

YouTheCat Fri 18-Oct-13 17:26:17

Being as he won't have the kids birth certs or passports I fail to see how he could be a flight risk where his kids are concerned.

I'd run a mile.

Frostedloop Fri 18-Oct-13 17:29:01

If my mother ever used the key to my place when I wasn't on holiday and it wasn't an emergency like a leaking pipepipe I would be furious. A guy letting his mum tidy for him? ERM take anything he says with a pinch of salt, slagging his ex off? Probabfily as he use to beat her, nothing to do with financial demands IMO. She should run a mile.

PS I am a guy.

WineIsMyMainVice Fri 18-Oct-13 17:48:17

Get out now! before you get too attached!
Any man who has his mother come over and tidy up for him will be trouble. What else does she do for him? Can you imagine if this woman was ever your mil???!!!
Good luck.

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