To ask you for help to decide if I am neglecting my dc?

(63 Posts)
misspontypine Thu 17-Oct-13 19:21:30

I had an unusual childhood, I would like to describe it as vibrant and haphazard but there are aspects of it that now I have my own dc I see possibly neglect.

For example we didn't own pyjamas, we just slept in our clothes. We were given lots of freedom, I was allowed to do as I wanted, me and my dm were looking through childhood keepsakes and we found a note I had written, it said "at mars bog an brover wif mi luf misspontypine" it should have said "we are at Mary's, my brother and the dog are with me. Love from misspontypine" I would have been 5 or 6 when I wrote the note, my brother would have been 3 or 4, the dog was a huge alsation mix, Mary's house was over a mile away and we rode there by bike (alond a cannal.) Another example is when I was a small baby we lived on a commune which was on a farm. My mum would leave me with the goats and then go off and do her jobs on the farm. We were left in the kids field at glastonbury for hours at the age of 4/5/6.

We were never emotionally neglected, we had lots of love given to us and our interests were supported, it was very much the practical side of things which were less than ideal.

My problem is that I find it hard to judge if the things I do with my son are ok, I would love your honest opinion as to if these things would be seen as negligent.

Licking shoes. We have a shoes off house so we lots of shoes by the door, ds likes to play and sometimes lick/chew the shoes (especially wellies) he has lots of lovely toys but they are not as interesting as the old shoes.

Playing with the pushchair wheels. Same issue as playing with shoes I guess.

Eating things from the floor. We hoover daily but we are doing some baby led weaning so there are often small bits of old food we have missed. Ds finds these bits of food and eats them. I try to get them out but his 3 teeth are very sharp and his jaw is very stron!

Drinking bath water. Ds loves to suck his flannel, we offer him water all the time and try to take his flannel away and give him a sucky cup with water but he only wants the flannel.

Ds co-sleeps, we have his cot attached to our bed with one side taken off and at the same height as our bed, We put him to bed asleep and make a wall of pillows. Ds has a sleepingbag. He could theoretically crawl/climb out of the bed but so far when he has woken he just shouts for us to come in. I think we would hear if he tried to climb out of the bed (we have a monitor --my mother advised us we didn't need one, baby do cry you know, you don't need to hear them--)

All advice appreciated. Sorry if they sound like stupid/obvious questions. It isn't the sort of thing I feel like I can talk to my friends about.

HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump Fri 18-Oct-13 18:37:23

DD does all these, I stop her licking shoes, but she will play with them for ages. Other than that I let her get on with it. Babies love to explore, as long as what's going in mouths isn't going to make them poorly (eg piece of banana off clean floor just after breakfast as opposed to old meal!) then there's no harm in it.

DontPanicMrMannering Fri 18-Oct-13 18:30:08

Dd2 sleeps with us she's 15months. I have pulled cot right up to the bed to use it as a barrier from fallibg out (side still on) about the only use we have had from it hmm she wiggles down the end of the bed and gets off feet first when she wants, we have a stairgate so she's fine.

she's also fallen out twice before we did the cot thing but bounced

You are doing fine!

Bue Fri 18-Oct-13 18:16:28

This thread has brought back fond childhood memories of flannel-sucking. Why was it so satisfying?!

strangething Fri 18-Oct-13 18:12:51

You are fine, I think I am quite strict but my two do / did all those things!

CackleCackle Fri 18-Oct-13 18:12:31

My 19 month old loves to

Chew her shoes
Suck her bath sponge
Grab the wheels of the pushchair
Pick up things off the floor and put into her mouth

Of course I stop her when I notice as soon as I can. No harm done. You sound fine, relaxed and responsible.

Your own childhood sounds perfectly normal for a relaxed family upbringing as well (to me.)

Canthisonebeused Fri 18-Oct-13 18:07:14

I would say lose the pillow wall tbh though.

Canthisonebeused Fri 18-Oct-13 18:05:32

What you do with your dcs sounds normal to me. I would just gently discourage the shoe licking and eating off the floor but seems fairly normal things children do and generally come to relatively little harm grin

LadyRabbit Fri 18-Oct-13 16:24:20

Another one along to say you sound lovely OP and you are doing great. As long as the wellies etc. aren't caked in yuk it's no biggie - a reasonable amount of germ ingestion is par for the course with toddlers and helps immunity. (Within reason of course!)

Sunnysummer Fri 18-Oct-13 03:22:37

The flannel thing came up recently loads of times on a thread about guilty pleasures, seems like loads of us did it as kids! I'd be a bit confused about the pram wheels and shoes, but not totally freaking out.

Agree that the only thing I'd worry about is the pillow wall, falling out of a bed is generally less risky than getting wedged in with a pillow, especially while he's wearing a sleeping bag.

Sounds like your childhood was fun! I was raised by hippies (though ours tended to do the reverse with sleeping and let us spend the day in pyjamas or naked smile)

ShowMeYourTARDIS Fri 18-Oct-13 02:55:04

It all sounds fine and very normal. Just buy him his own clean pair of wellies to gnaw on. I worry a bit about the poo and other ickies otherwise.

When I was little I ate cat food, among other things. I survived.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 17-Oct-13 22:25:17

The thing is, you love your child and are concerned about his welfare and doing the right thing by him.
That's it. That's what a good parent is.

MichaelBoobleBloodbath Thu 17-Oct-13 22:21:33

OP you sound lovely flowers
You don't want my brood do you? wink

misspontypine Thu 17-Oct-13 21:07:49

I'm in my 20s so mostly it was the late 80s or 90s.

I feel that I had a lovely childhood but I know it isn't ok to parent like that now.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 17-Oct-13 21:04:42

Your house sounds exactly like mine!

dietcokeandwine Thu 17-Oct-13 21:02:55

I grew up in an oh-so-conventional (but lovely and loving) household OP. But I have an almost identical take on parenting things as you bar the co-sleeping (have coslept periodically in the past but baby now sleeps in his cot).

My gorgeous 9mo DS is a mahoosive fan of sucking flannels in the bath grin Two flannels at once if he can get away with it!

I think a bit of grit and grime should be part of every normal childhood tbh. My mum was a very conscientious mum in many ways but she will cheerfully recount how my DSis as a baby would invariably, even if plonked in the middle of the lawn, crawl to the edge of said lawn and eat dirt! We were also often found bathing our teddies by putting them down the loo grin We have both grown up happy and healthy. I am sure your DS will too.

bigkidsdidit Thu 17-Oct-13 21:00:22

I didn't have a tv growing up either and I understand that guilt. I've got over it since having ds2 and needing DS1 to be kept entertained though!

josephinebruce Thu 17-Oct-13 20:59:53

If you want to really worry about icky things going into a mouth....buy a labrador lol!!!

gerbilsarefun Thu 17-Oct-13 20:58:12

I don't know how old you are, OP, but your childhood seems pretty much like mine. I would say mine was conventional, for a child growing up in the 70s.I was a services child, one place I lived was in married quarters in a large park, with a river running through it and woods. We would be allowed to go out all day. I was 6 or 7 at the time. We went to butlins when I was about 7. I was allowed to go off on my own all day, although not off the site. It was just a normal way of parenting back then.

I agree with the other posters about your son. It all sounds normal, babies are always putting things in their mouth. It's how they explore and find out about things.

misspontypine Thu 17-Oct-13 20:54:37

Thank you so much for reassurance. I don't have any negative feelings about my childhood but I at least want to be aware of the social reactions to the way I parent.

It is so silly, I have huge parental guilt if ds watches an episode of in the night garden ( we had no tv when we were children) but when he uses shoes as teething toysthat feels fine.

Dawndonnaagain Thu 17-Oct-13 20:50:17

We were clean, not allowed to play in the coal bunker and totally unloved after Dad left. I'd much rather be in your house, OP. It sounds lovely and loving, relaxed and fun. I think you sound like a lovely mum.

Loosingthebigkickers Thu 17-Oct-13 20:50:04

everything you describe is how I am with dd..so if you're doing it wrong so am I blush

bigkidsdidit Thu 17-Oct-13 20:45:03

Sounds normal! I would tidy shoes away if poss as I would worry about dog poo, though. My DS is obsessed with the pram wheels too confused and with drinking bath water. Even straight after telling me he's done a wee in it <sigh>

lborolass Thu 17-Oct-13 20:43:49

My parenting style is pretty relaxed so don't see anything too wrong in what you're doing but I would be a bit wary of licking shoes and wheels just because either could have animal poo/wee on which is a bit yuk.

LadySybilPussPolham Thu 17-Oct-13 20:41:33

My DS is 4 and he sucks the bath flannel when he thinks I'm not looking and still licks the occasional shoe...

I'd be wary of the pillows by the cot and the shoe eating but the rest is fine. Obviously you can teach him not to eat from the floor once he's older!

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