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In thinking its not ok to pass negative comment about names unless directly asked?

(117 Posts)
IneedAsockamnesty Wed 16-Oct-13 11:50:05

No issues at all if your actually asked your opinion but if your not asked

if you are not one of the parents of the actual baby being named or recently named you should do nothing other than smile or say something nice.

Anything else is overstepping rude and hurtful.

SaucyJack Wed 16-Oct-13 12:08:06

Amen. My two have stupid and pretentious names and I've actually had people laugh in my face when I've told them.

TheCraicDealer Wed 16-Oct-13 12:11:57

I wouldn't say anything negative and would try my best to be positive, even if I thought "what the fuck". But I think if you pick an "original" name you've got to be prepared to get some interesting responses from people with little or no filter.

Sirzy Wed 16-Oct-13 12:13:37

What thecraicdealer said

MarthasHarbour Wed 16-Oct-13 12:14:07

My friend is a bit out there and picked a dreadful (IMO) name and middle name for her DS2. I didnt say a word, none of my business and even though i find her a tad hmm i wouldnt dream of upsetting her.

No need for it - YANBU

sonlypuppyfat Wed 16-Oct-13 12:15:03

Sometimes silence speaks volumes.

Morgause Wed 16-Oct-13 12:16:16

I think sometimes you have to.

I'm pleased to report that I'm responsible for a girl not being called Annette Kirton. And a friend stopped parents calling their DS Justin Case.

Sometimes you have to say something.

KittyLane1 Wed 16-Oct-13 12:44:30

I completely agree OP its bloody rude! DD has a fairly common first name but slightly unusual middle name that sounds like a more common name. For example her name is Sarah Lucky Smith (its not, just an example) and neither my parents or IL can get their heads around it being Lucky not Lucy and just call her Sarah Lucy. Irritating!

However my best friend may disagree as her name rhymes and she hates it. Her mum has the same name as someone very famous, for example her name is Doris Day. She then named her daughter Fay Day! She says she wishes her parents had called her Claire like her gran suggested.

PeppiNephrine Wed 16-Oct-13 12:55:04

I wouldn't say a word. My eyebrows may rise of their own accord though.

PumpkinGuts Wed 16-Oct-13 13:03:04

It's incredibly rude if the person is already named. If a parent is about to unwittingly give their child a pun as a name its worth politely mentioning. If you just don't like a name, keep it to your self

meditrina Wed 16-Oct-13 13:06:05

I wouldn't dream of saying anything negative about a name when talking to a real person in RL.

But I do speak up on this board! For this is where people are asking for opinions, assumptions, pitfalls, plaudits and need to take the rough with the smooth.

Fleta Wed 16-Oct-13 13:08:21

I always feel very sorry for people who are so very rude that they are unable to observe even the most basic of social niceties.

Like not reacting when someone tells you their child is called a name that you think is "way out".

If someone says to you - here's my shortlist of names, please tell me what you think. Then fair enough.

TheBigJessie Wed 16-Oct-13 13:12:17

Annette Kirten and Justin Case thlshock

A friend I knew stopped a couple naming their daughter Tia Maria!

They'd always planned on Maria as a middle name, and then they started looking at first names separately, without putting it all together.

Milkjug Wed 16-Oct-13 13:13:23

Agree it's rude. I take TheCraicDealer's point, but the thing is that counts as 'original' or quirky varies wildly from place to place, and within social classes etc. My very ordinary Irish name is exotic and unpronounceable in England; my son's not-much-used Biblical name didn't cause a raised eyebrow where he was born, but has attracted comment in the small, rural place where we now live where all baby boys are called Harry or Louis.

I have recently met a little girl with a particularly awful toddlerish, made-up, frilly name which sounds more like a Tellytubby than a child who will eventually become an adult. I am not remotely judgemental about names - my NCT coffee group where I used to live included babies called Ace, Mindy, Ferdinand, Ophelia, Soren, Jedd. Magnus, Percy and Scarlett-Lily - but in this case I did judge. But silently. There is no excuse for rudeness.

charleslingus Wed 16-Oct-13 13:22:50

I would never comment on a common/top 10 name as being unoriginal and boring or say something like 'aren't you worried about them being one of many' but that is just good manners to keep opinions that may hurt or offend to myself. I don't know why they don't seem to apply the other way round. Yanbu.

DalekInAFestiveJumper Wed 16-Oct-13 14:06:50

A friend once told me her baby's middle name was 'Danger', and I admit I double took and blurted out, "Seriously!?"

I then apologized profusely, because silly as it is, it's her kids name and obviously she must like it. Thankfully, said friend was forgiving,

And on the plus side, the embarrassment of that moment kept me from doing it again. I've since had two students whose middle name was Danger.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 16-Oct-13 14:45:53

Fair enough in the case of a unintended pun or combo that its obvious the parents haven't thought off or a name likely to have the registrar refuse

But perfectly usual unremarkable names that have been in regular use for a long time or ones that used to be popular but are now in occasional use nothing odd like fire dragon or anything like that just names actual real not made up names?

Asking with the sole intention of saying "oh no not xyz" or snorts of laughter its just rude and hurtful.

somewherewest Wed 16-Oct-13 14:59:06

I mostly agree, but I can't quite warm to 'your baby, your choice' either. If you're getting lots of shock hmm faces, maybe you should...you know...reconsider before you inflict Bilbo or Rosey Blossom on your poor helpless offspring?

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 16-Oct-13 15:18:34

Well who else is going to name a baby apart from the parents?

And seriously I'm not talking about out there names I'm referring (in the situation that has prompted this thread) to perfectly normal everyday names.

The friend who has not long left my house crying because her DH and her wanted to name their baby after her grandmother their older child is named after his grandfather. The name in question I'm pretty sure is in the top 10 (haven't checked recently but if memory serves me correctly from the most recent ONS list) so really not unusual.

FeckOffCupofBatBlood Wed 16-Oct-13 15:28:15

Dalek that would probably have been my reaction to Danger as a middle name too. It's not even that funny or original.

WestieMamma Wed 16-Oct-13 15:30:10

It's also not OK to suck air in through your teeth in that way you do which conveys more disapproval than any words ever could. Looking at you MIL

DreamingofSummer Wed 16-Oct-13 15:45:57

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud when I heard about baby Jupiter

TheBigJessie Wed 16-Oct-13 15:50:48

I am still proud of myself for not reacting to Princess or Bluebell in the baby clinic. grin

MintyChops Wed 16-Oct-13 18:32:55

Unspeakably rude!! I have had one (ex) friend tell me she liked the diminutive of DS1's name but not his actual name (hadn't asked her opinion). Silly cow. That's not why she is an ex friend but it really irritated me.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 16-Oct-13 19:01:53

I'm not quite sure why people think its ok or that they have some sort of ownership over the decision

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