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To ask you at what age I should disabuse DD of the notion she is a real princess...

(40 Posts)
Tallaween Wed 16-Oct-13 11:01:20

She will be 6 in the New Year.

It is a fairly elaborate fantasy, which involves a letter from the Queen and a flying horse when she is a 'grown up'.

The letter will invite her to come and live in the castle ("I'll miss you mummy when I live in the castle") - Warwick Castle if you're interested, a green flying horse because her fave colour is green.

She tells <everyone> she is a real princess, relatives, postman, nice lady in Tesco etc etc

She really believes it, at what point to I gently tell her she's not a princess, she's just bog standard like her mother grin I kind of think I should do it before some other bugger does, but it's kind of sweet blush

She sounds like she's got a fantastic imagination grin and from what I remember of being six it is very normal.
I wouldn't say anything specific to disrupt her fantasy - but I wouldn't be doing or saying anything to encourage her either.

DeWe Wed 16-Oct-13 11:14:16

I wouldn't. She'll know at some point, possibly more gradually realising than a sudden jolt that way too.
I can remember a pair of friends in about year 4/5 announcing to the form that they'd discovered that they were actually long lost sisters who were the youngest daughters of the queen, and they were going to write and tell her.
I seem to remember our form just smiled at them, and let them get on with it.

They were different ethnicities (and clearly so) which did make it an interesting thought.

Rufus44 Wed 16-Oct-13 11:15:13

When she starts making you curtsy

WorraLiberty Wed 16-Oct-13 11:18:30

What Rufus44 said! grin

She sounds adorable with a great imagination.

My DD is almost 5 and also believe she is a Princess, but of our particular town. When explaining how school works to her and that she must listen to her teacher, she said ' It's ok mum, if you get in trouble you get sent to Mrs. Headteacher, but she can't do anything because I am Princess of OurTown. blush

I blame her father as he thinks this is hilarious and encourages her far too much.

Tallaween Wed 16-Oct-13 11:32:43

She does have a great imagination but generally her tales are one offs

Like the time she was three and broke one of her toys and insisted a man came out of the trees in to our living room, waving his arms and growling at her (the impresdion was histerical) and trying to take it. She said "noooo", he said "yessss!!" and snapped her toy.
Our living room is 2nd floor and the window was shut hmm

Or the time last term when she found 'the love of God' in the school loo and saved it from falling down the toilet by putting it in her pocket and "no mum you can't see it, only childs can see it" complete with massive sighs and eyerolls because obviously only childs can see the live of God and why is she stuck with such a numpty for a mum.

The princess fantasy is ongoing though (best part of a year now) and she mentions it, in passing, fairly frequently. So I just don't want her upset over it sad

I think this Princess business is cute for little ones but can become a bit too much as children get a wee bit older. A friend of mine and all her family always refer to her dd as Princess. While I agree she is beautiful, sweet and very bright, so are all the other little girls of her age.
The problem only occurs when parents genuinely believe their child is better than anyone else and should be treated differently.
Your daughter sounds like she is having fun and you sound like you would keep her feet on the ground!

quoteunquote Wed 16-Oct-13 12:48:04

So what, if she thinks she is a princess, then she is, it is only a made up concept anyway,

So if she believes and someone else does that she is a princess then she is, and I believe she is, because she says she is.

As long as she does no harm, why worry.

Promote her to Empress of the universe.

specialsubject Wed 16-Oct-13 12:57:44

I think Empress of the Universe is much better! But yes, there is a point where this will stop being cute and start being nauseating. Don't think you have reached it yet.

this makes me think of Sarah Ferguson's comment to the effect that whatever else has happened, she did actually get to ride in a horse-drawn glass coach past cheering crowds to marry a prince.

TheSmallClanger Wed 16-Oct-13 13:01:27

Somewhere deep down, she knows it isn't true anyway. I'd let her enjoy her imagination, but if she continues to go on about it, change the subject if necessary.

Mollydoggerson Wed 16-Oct-13 13:04:03

Why burst her bubble? it's just a bit of fun. As long as she understands that everyone in the family is equally important, princess or not(!), I would leave her be.

Beastofburden Wed 16-Oct-13 13:08:09

Its when she starts to think she is lady gaga that you want to worry.

TeenAndTween Wed 16-Oct-13 13:22:54

Well, I am going to go completely against the flow here.
I think you should say something now.

It doesn't have to be shattering, just something next time she mentions it like: "it's fun to pretend isn't it, of course you aren't really a princess, but you do have a great imagination".

Either she knows shes just pretending, in which case there's no problem. Or, the fact you haven't been disagreeing means she doesn't know, in which case, she should.

But then I'm not a great fan of bigging up Father Christmas either ...

You don't choose the princess life, it chooses you.

Seriously though, you can't do anything to change her mind but you could try to subliminally influence her by introducing media with strong non-princess female characters to aspire to, for example How to Train your Dragon, the new My Little Pony series, Littlest Pet Shop ( I have a respectable manifesto on media for little girls, pm me if you need more info and are not terrified by how seriously I take all this)

DalekInAFestiveJumper Wed 16-Oct-13 13:57:35

Can I second the suggestion of the new My Little Pony series? It has princesses in it, but it's solid stuff. Fun to watch, but the underlying messages are great too.

breadandbutterfly Wed 16-Oct-13 20:46:22

She sounds fantastic. Please don't disillusion her...

CoconutCake Wed 16-Oct-13 20:49:42

Ahh this is so going to out me but as I have not posted a lot under this name then fuck it.

My dd is called Tianna, when she was about 3/4 the princess and the frog film was released and my dm told her that was really her. So for years she would tell people she was the real princess Tianna and was going to grow up and have a bakery and marry a price, she really believed the story would be her life.

She is now in year 3 and school finally got rid of this notion while she was in year 2, before that she didn't care when the boys teased her about it her belief was that strong. She is not upset though just onto a new phase of wanting to be a boy because only the boys are allowed to play football.

Mim78 Wed 16-Oct-13 20:52:52

Never!

To be completely honest she will grow out if it before it stops being cute and then you will probably (being a mum and therefore contradictory) wish she was still in the cute princess stage...

She does sound absolutely fab.

My dd asked me why she could not be a real queen (aged 4). I told her that if she wanted to be a real queen all she had to do was get everyone in the country to recognise her as queen - then she would be. She seemed happy with this, plus it was true!

Similar to what quote unquote has said really...

Rhubarbgarden Wed 16-Oct-13 21:32:08

Oh let her enjoy her fantasy. When I was six I told everyone I was a horse. Complete with sound effects and galloping. It lasted about a year.

SanityClause Wed 16-Oct-13 21:34:43

DD1 was so upset to be turning 13 that she started keeping the window open at night, so Peter Pan would fly in, and take her off to Neverland.

She was also very upset at 11, when she didn't get a letter by owl telling her she was to go to Hogwarts.

littlewhitebag Wed 16-Oct-13 21:38:54

I was sitting reading this sitting beside DD2 and laughed so she asked me about it. She looked at me wide eyed and said "what! I' not a princess?"

She is age 15!

She says you must never tell your DD she is not a princess. She is now distraught. grin

mysterymeg Wed 16-Oct-13 21:58:25

Sanity I was upset too. I really thought they'd want me.Couldn't believe I was just a muggle sad

brettgirl2 Wed 16-Oct-13 22:12:51

Go to warwick castle. Let her play hide and seek and climb trees in the big field. She may well decide she prefers not to be a princess grin

Beastofburden Wed 16-Oct-13 22:16:12

Let it morph gently. As she gets older she can enjoy all those Philippa Gregory books about princesses, and read history books about kings and queens. She can also enjoy writing endless stories about being a princess.

Don't worry, the illusion will quietly fade leaving a happy childhood memory behind. You really don't need to d anything.

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