To not want my bridesmaid to get a cut & colour 2 1/2 hours before my wedding?

(142 Posts)
Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 19:33:58

Getting married on Friday, low key registry office do with lunch & a boozy evening afterwards. Only 5 people attending the ceremony including DP and I.

My bridesmaid is my dear best friend, (let's call her Kerry) she is the kindest person you could ever wish to meet. She has done so much for me and I love her. However, she's a bit of an airhead bless her.

She was supposed to get a cut & colour on Saturday but our other friend the hairdresser cancelled. Our friend the hairdresser (let's call her Ann) said don't worry, I'll do it when I come round to do Famzillas hair on Friday morning. Kerry says that's fine.

I have a 6mo Velcro baby, who Kerry obviously knows and knows how un-putdownable she is. I was relying on Kerry to give me a hand with DD whilst I did my own make up and Ann put my hair up. But obviously now Kerry needs Ann to give her a cut & colour when she comes at 9.

She has it all planned out in her head and it sounds doable if DD didn't exist. But she does so I feel like I will be literally holding the baby for the entire morning desperately waiting for her to hurry up. We have to leave at 11.20 and as well as doing my own make up, getting my hair done and getting into dress etc.. DD will need her breakfast, a BF, a bath and then getting into her own outfit.

I would never let DD CIO. I am so stressed, this was supposed to be low key and easy but now I feel like a massive bridezilla. I keep saying I don't think it's gonna work and she keeps reassuring me that it'll be fine.

Am I being a bridezilla?

MissStrawberry Mon 14-Oct-13 19:38:25

No, you are not.

I would try again to talk to your friend. Ask who is going to hold the baby while you are getting ready, etc.

If she still doesn't get it you should talk to the hairdresser and see what she says.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 14-Oct-13 19:42:03

Sounds like you want a babysitter rather than a bridesmaid.

You could organise some other child care?

YABU.

KirjavaTheCorpse Mon 14-Oct-13 19:45:08

Aren't bridesmaids supposed to help the bride, though?

OP is she aware that you were banking on her to help out with your daughter whilst you got ready? If you hadn't chatted about what was to happen and who was to do what, it might be that it never occured to her. Talk to her.

Failing that, could you enlist someone else to be around that morning?

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 14-Oct-13 19:45:52

No.

I was coming on to see you were being precious, thinking that you were talking about an afternoon wedding but worried bridesmaid would have a hair malfunction or something. But in your circumstances, I do think you're allowed to point out that she is your "bride's maid" ie there to help you get to your wedding, and her plans just seem so likely to go wrong all round.

EatingAllTheCrumpets Mon 14-Oct-13 19:47:04

I understand you're frustrated but have to agree with WhoNickedMyName, she is a bridesmaid and not a babysitter. YABU

Is there anyone who can pop in for a short time to keep an eye on your DD for an hour?

Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 19:47:47

I could not arrange any other childcare. I have no family and our childminder will only have DD at her house which is no good.

Yes I suppose I do need a "babysitter". I just thought the purpose of a bridesmaid was to help the bride in whatever she needed help in. It's not even like I need her to have DD all morning, just whilst I did my make up. I could probably BF DD whilst getting my hair done.

theyoniwayisnorthwards Mon 14-Oct-13 19:54:02

YANBU. She should help you prepare for your wedding and stay calm. Sounds like she just doesn't get it. Lay it out clearly for her and if she tries to brush it off say "look maybe I am over thinking but it's my wedding and I want to be relaxed". If she still won't reorganise her hair etc get a babysitter. Ask a local nursery or another parent's babysitter, just have someone else there!

spookyspoonrulestheworld Mon 14-Oct-13 19:58:47

If she's having colour surely a large part of the 2.5 hours will just be her sitting around waiting for the colour to take - do you think that's her thinking?

The timings don't work anyhow, though, if it's going to take 2.5 hours and you only have 2 hrs 20 mins between the hairdresser arriving and having to leave.

TBH, I'd be as disappointed in the hairdresser friend who cancelled the appt - can't you ask her to come earlier, or the night before (to do your friend's cut and colour - not your hair!)

BrokenSunglasses Mon 14-Oct-13 20:00:19

To be fair to her, it's not her fault that the hairdresser cancelled and now wants to do it on your wedding morning. It's understandable that she wants her hair done for your wedding, presumably she will be having her picture taken while she's all done up to be a bridesmaid and just wants to look her best.

Can you talk to the hairdresser friend about it and see what she suggests?

Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 20:02:54

Oh I should obviously say that if I said "no, I don't want this to happen", she wouldn't do it. I just don't want to create an atmosphere or look back in a few months and think I've been an uber self absorbed bitch.

Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 20:06:01

Her plan is that I'll be getting my hair styled whilst her colour is setting, but obviously I'd need my make up done by the time that happens. I could get up before DD at 6am and do my make up but I'd look crapola by 12. Not to mention knackered.

Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 20:11:44

Oh and I fully agree that it's the hairdressers fault.

I have asked if she can get it done any other evening and even offered to drive her to and from the hairdressers house. Have also spelled out how difficult it will be with DD.

Feeling pretty shitty now tbh. Have tried to be so laid back, letting her pick her own dress etc and now I just can't be arsed. DP's mates have started asking if they can bring other people I don't like and it's all getting so far removed from my peaceful stress free wedding I'm not looking forward to it.

PumpkinGuts Mon 14-Oct-13 20:14:18

Agree with WhoNickedMyName I'm afraid.

ImperialBlether Mon 14-Oct-13 20:14:42

She's being really selfish. It's your day and she's there to help you.

Ask her to please get it done beforehand because you'll need her to help you. If she refuses, I think you'll be better off without her at your house, tbh.

Maybe consider dropping your DD off at the childminder's for a couple of hours?

ImperialBlether Mon 14-Oct-13 20:15:30

Tell your DP to tell his mates NO they can't bring whoever they like - it's a wedding ffs!

misspontypine Mon 14-Oct-13 20:19:53

Could you send the baby and a bottle of expressed milk with your dp? Men don't really have to do much to get ready for a wedding.

stiffstink Mon 14-Oct-13 20:24:31

YANBU.

My friend is getting married next year and will have a 9m old. I don't expect to be asked to be a BM but if I was I sure as shit wouldn't be organising my own hair & beauty appointments on the wedding day. It'd be mad. Its meant to be relaxing for the bride!

I can't imagine having a woman in a wedding dress, a baby, an airhead and hair dye in the same location either. That will go tits up.

cingolimama Mon 14-Oct-13 20:49:35

YANBU. It is perfectly reasonable to expect your bridesmaid to help you a bit with the baby while you're getting fabulous. Far far too much time will be spent on colouring and cutting your friends hair, and for me, the timing just doesn't work. Instead of a lovely relaxed and exciting time, you'll be stressed. You don't need it. Your friend can get a cut and colour another day. Please just tell her no (nicely) that will not work.

Congratulations by the way, and have a lovely day!

KirjavaTheCorpse Mon 14-Oct-13 20:51:51

Also, at the risk of sounding like a bridezilla myself, isn't it your day to be pampered?

kali110 Mon 14-Oct-13 21:13:48

Not sure which to be honest. Yes a bm is to help the bride, however its not her job to be a babysitter which from your post only really sounds like you want her there just to do that.

Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 21:37:00

I can promise you there are many more reasons I want my lifelong best friend to be present throughout my wedding day, not just to look after my baby for an hour. hmm

cakebar Mon 14-Oct-13 21:49:46

YANBU and you should tell her to rearrange but really, the suggestion of your dp looking after baby instead of you sounds a really good one - what are his plans?

YoureBeingADick Mon 14-Oct-13 21:55:01

why cant DD spend the morning with your fiancé who wont have the whole hair, make-up, getting into a dress issue to deal with? express some milk and send her off to him for the morning. surely the child's father would be the first person you'd ask to look after her if you need to get ready?

Famzilla Mon 14-Oct-13 22:15:22

Well he was staying away to sort of follow the tradition of not seeing each other etc, plus I wanted to arrive with DD as a little flower girl and walk in with her IYSWIM. It's a good idea though, bridesmaid is going to try and get it done Thursday (after some spelling out) but if it doesn't work out then I may well just thrust her in his general direction.

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