I have been accused of being a pushy mum, am I?

(30 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Mon 14-Oct-13 12:27:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dyslexicdespot Mon 14-Oct-13 12:37:59

You have answered your own question - no, you are not a pushy mum. Your friend is a hypocrite, ignore her!

Madratlady Mon 14-Oct-13 12:39:53

Ignore your friend, she sounds like she's oing exactly what she's accusing you of doing but more so!

pictish Mon 14-Oct-13 12:40:44

No you're not - and your friend has a bloody cheek!

YouTheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 12:42:40

Your friend sounds jealous.

FlapJackOLantern Mon 14-Oct-13 12:43:15

My friend has accused me of pushing my dd into a career at almost 11.

Just shrug and say 'whatever'. There's no point in getting het up about it.

ohforfoxsake Mon 14-Oct-13 12:43:24

Your friend is an idiot.

DoJo Mon 14-Oct-13 12:53:42

You know you aren't a pushy mum, so why do you care that she might think you are?

moldingsunbeams Mon 14-Oct-13 13:09:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzpig Mon 14-Oct-13 13:24:58

I did write a long post earlier but it disappeared angry

In short, no YANBU, it sounds like great fun and I would've loved that kind of thing. I think some people don't 'get' that people can enjoy academic stuff (which your DD's activity sounds like due to it being in a uni) just as much as any other activity (like dancing) and don't understand why people would actively choose to spend spare time doing it. Hence they assume somebody must be pushing them.

StanleyLambchop Mon 14-Oct-13 13:28:48

I don't think you are being pushy, it is fun and she enjoys it, and gets the advantage of the social side too. What's the problem with that? It sounds like the kind of thing my 11 year old would enjoy too. In the circumstances you describe I would also encourage mine to keep going if that is what she wanted- who gets to define what 'cool' is? Let her continue to enjoy it, ignore your friend!

CoffeeTea103 Mon 14-Oct-13 13:34:34

You have answered your own post. Surely you can see that?

shewhowines Mon 14-Oct-13 13:36:34

Friend has double standards, me thinks. Ignore

kerala Mon 14-Oct-13 13:37:06

You sound like a fabulous mum!

jedishelly1 Mon 14-Oct-13 13:38:38

You're not coming across as overly pushy. There's nothing wrong with supporting and encouraging your daughter in this interest of hers, once you have no problem in accepting it if she chooses not to pursue it when she's older.
Your friend sounds like a bit of a gobshite.

DoJo Mon 14-Oct-13 13:41:19

Precisely - so why are you worried about what she says? Either she doesn't understand the situation or is projecting her insecurities about her own choices, but either way this is a situation which hasn't even happened yet so definitely not worth worrying about.

thebody Mon 14-Oct-13 13:42:15

your friend is a dick head. my kids have been to after school and weekend activities in footi, art, swimming, brownies, woodland rangers, gardening ICT club and music lessons.

as long as they are having fun it's noones business but yours.

ChipAndSpud Mon 14-Oct-13 13:44:19

The main thing is that your DD is enjoying herself and if she's learning and gaining confidence then great! If she didn't enjoy it and you made her go, then you'd be pushy!!

moldingsunbeams Mon 14-Oct-13 13:49:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay Mon 14-Oct-13 13:50:53

that group sounds great it honestly does I am glad your dd is getting so much out of it ignore your friend she sounds a bit of a twat bet her children go to things

Your friend is being an idiot, plain and simple. It is not remotely 'pushy' to have half an eye on something being useful to your daughter in the future, as well as enjoyable now.

Your friend is -

a. one of those self-centred people who doesn't actually see that she is being a hypocrite - her own daughter's interests are of course totally different in her mind

b. a bit insecure - you're doing something far more likely to be useful than dance classes and she wants you to feel bad because you're making her feel guilty

c. doesn't think anything academic could ever be enjoyable

d. maybe a bit patronising because your daughter is not interested in the same things as her daughter, which would be 'normal' and 'understandable' to her

Don't sweat it.

misscph1973 Mon 14-Oct-13 13:52:31

I'd love my DD to do a club like the one you describe! How did you find it and will you tell me more about it?

A bit OT, but I think it's great to encourage girls to do things that are not "girly" and clique-creating (and by that I mean dance clubs, ballet and similar, sorry if I offend anyone), and I have always been very aware of encouraging my DD to do things that are either gender neutral or for boys. She is currently in gym club (both girls and boys) and maintenance club at school, where they work with the janitor and wear boiler suits. Last years she was in the schools Rangers club.

To a certain extent I do push her toward these activities, but I would never force her, she loves these clubs. I just steer her away from dance/ballet clubs, she's not very graceful anyway ;)

I think some people feel threatened if you enjoy academic activities. Some people think that leisure time has to be un-academic. Leisure time should be enjoyable, and there are many ways to enjoy yourself.

I think your last post says it really. Her little 'star' is being eclipsed by your daughter doing well at something. Sorry but maybe your daughter was picked out as a suitable friend for her daughter because she wasn't going to be 'competition'.

If she spouts this every time you see her, then see her a lot less.

moldingsunbeams Mon 14-Oct-13 13:58:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I did similar things from that age and loved it. I ended up on my local youth council at 16 and was practically running it (and getting no credit as it was a sham run by two wannabe councillors who wanted to use funds for personal gain) but we managed some good things locally in my time there which gave them the platform they needed to become even bigger dickheads than they were councillors.

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