Husband sending photo to PIL(81 Posts)
I've lurked for ages on this site but never actually posted, however I now really need to know if iabu as I am so pissed off I cannot decide whether my husband really is an insensitive dick or if I am being totally over sensitive.
We are going to a family wedding later in the month, I was really worried about finding something to wear but was quite excited to find something the other day really quickly. My sister lives in a different part of the country and is also attending the wedding, she asked me to send a picture of me in the dress, so I duly get my husband to take various shots of me in said dress on the ipad. When I see the pictures I hate them. I am very critical of myself anyway and hate photos of myself so I should have known I wouldn't like them, but in the changing room I thought I looked ok in it. I said that I hated the photos, that I thought I looked huge round the middle and went on about how depressing I found it looking at the photo especially as I liked the dress when I tried it on. Anyway I told my sister I wouldn't be sending the photos as I hated the way I looked, she said she was sure I looked great, blah, blah, blah. So to clarify my husband was well aware of how I felt about the photo. I realise at this point that I should have deleted them but I didn't.
Fast forward to tonight and I happen to be going through my mail outbox and what do I find but an e-mail to his parents of ME IN THE DRESS! He wan sitting next to me at the time, when I asked why he had done it he didn't even have the grace to admit he'd done it. When he ( sort) of admitted he had and I told him how upset I was about it (added to the fact I do not get on with his Mum and Dad) he did not even apologise, he just tried to make out that I was making a huge fuss.
Now I know people will probably flame me and tell me to get a grip, that there are real problems in the world, but I am so upset by it, I just can't believe he could be so insensitive. Actually I can believe it and that is probably the problem. Is it just me or would you have been upset too? To know how strongly I felt about it, to know I don't get on with his parents and to then forward it to them! I suppose it just makes me question my relationship with him if he thinks it is ok to do this and doesn't even see the need to apologise ! Bearing in mind we've been together 21 years, aibu to have expected more or have I blown this up into something ridiculous?
feckless I like your style!
Until we discover why he emailed the photo, this is the Thread of Frustration.
Did he think 'I want to retch looking at his frock, controlled experiment time, let's see if my folks hurl when they look at it too'?
I imagine after 20 years, OP, only you know if he is capable of that level of cruelty.
Perhaps, in the kindest way, you could spend some time and effort on your own self-esteem, image, wardrobe, exercise plan, whatever it takes to get you to a place where you feel proud to see photos of yourself, and if your OH emails them to anyone you automatically know its because he wants everyone to see his gorgeous wife.
I'm really sensitive about photos of myself, and I would be irritated if my OH did this, but I can honestly say that one member of my family sending another member of my family a photo of me, fully clothed and uncontroversial, that I considered to be unflattering and would not have wanted people to see, would not cause me to seriously "question my relationship" with either of them.
Depends on whether or not you see your ILs who you don't get on with as your family, doesn't it though, spindly. Assuming you had ILs who you didn't get on with, that is.
That was mean of him.
But what really confuses me is how it sounds like he lied about sending the email but then admitted it. (Bit like a 4 year old). So now I don't understand why he sent it, why he lied or why you didn't ask him why he sent it (or lied about sending it).
He might have done it because he's proud of you and wanted his folks to see you looking (as he may have thought) at your best. I agree it was insensitive, immature and somewhat dishonest. But at the same time, there could have been some nicer feelings in there too. Otherwise, I can't see why he would have bothered. Does he feel the need to seek his parents' approval? Or does he want to give them positive information about you because he wants you to get on better with them? Someone who hasn't detached from his parents might well be too immature to realise he was offending you. But that's idle speculation...
My mum is too vain to ever think there' a good photo of herself. We tried not to have any she didn't like but it was impossible and in the end I felt that the feelings of the people who love her should also be factored into the decision about whether or not to have photographs about. That's not to suggest your husband was right to do what he did, though.
How very odd - no explanation whatever as to why he did it? And yes, he had no right to send it to anyone - it's a picture of you, and just you, and whether you like it or not is not the issue. Whether he thought you looked good in it isn't the issue. This issue is that he didn't respect your feelings - which is a substantial issue. He may not have meant it but he was insensitive and then doubly so to not hear you and project his own ideals onto you.
Can I just say though that since the photo was taken with an iPad it's likely that it's not a true "real-eye" representation to how you look to others and you likely look far slimmer than you think you look in the photo.
Hope the talk goes well.
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