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to be upset with DPs behaviour and hang up on him

(13 Posts)
complexnumber Mon 14-Oct-13 09:23:09

I think he just felt you were pissing on his parade and got upset as he felt it should have been a happy exciting thing to discuss.

His overall response was childish though.

You will both make up.

Loosingthebigkickers Mon 14-Oct-13 08:00:43

im with hissy. This screams the beginning of EA.

Hissy Mon 14-Oct-13 07:25:34

So he shouted at you, (what did he actually shout) and then he texted you completely re-writing what happened, and justifying his (poor) behaviour.

For good measure he threw in the 'won't sleep now anyway'.

Love, don't move in with this guy. He's not a good man.

CharityFunDay Mon 14-Oct-13 07:17:57

No, Charity, it's not men who find it hard to back down after disagreements, it's people.

In my experience, many men find it difficult to vocalise regret, possibly because it threatens their self-image. That's all I meant.

Obviously this is not limited to males, and I apologise for any suggestion that it might be.

I don't think it was unreasonable of him to assume that you'd move in together when you find a house so that he can be there to see his child growing up. Have you explained to him why this isn't possible?

Overreaction from you both, I think.

SanityClause Mon 14-Oct-13 06:49:05

No, Charity, it's not men who find it hard to back down after disagreements, it's people.

The OP managed to do it, and so could her DP.

OP, you cried and his response was to shout at you. He hasn't apologised for upsetting you, and his texts are all "me, me, me!"

I think you need to explain to him that you expect an apology for his nastiness. Listen to what he says. If its "sorry, but you made me do it", again, then he is not taking responsibility for his actions. If its, "yes, I'm sorry, I was out of line. I was tired and emotional, but that's no excuse for shouting at you" that's starting to sound a bit more like he understands that it's not okay to treat you like that.

You are having a baby, and you need him to be an adult to support you. If he's going to be a second child, then you could probably do without him, at this point.

KepekCrumbs Mon 14-Oct-13 06:46:50

What are the issues about why you can't move in together when you find a house? Have you discussed them- does he understand them?

CharityFunDay Mon 14-Oct-13 05:22:34

Sounds like you are both a bit overwrought. I hope things are better next time you talk/meet.

Men often find it difficult to back down over disagreements, so he might not apologise directly. If he's sorry, though, he will make it up to you.

But if your relationship is full of nothing but him shouting/you in tears, then you might want to have a think about whether or not this relationship is good for you.

Plenty of couples get along OK with the occasional row or flare-up.

Only you know whether you're in a healthy relationship or not. Trust your instincts.

I wish you all the luck in the world for the future, whatever it holds.

KeatsiePie Mon 14-Oct-13 01:30:58

If it's just that you're both a bit stressed and tired right now then you were both BU but understandably -- just everyone apologize in the morning. If he shouts at you generally and then blames you for making him shout, that's no good. Hope this is not typical behavior for him.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 14-Oct-13 00:57:44

Why do you want to share a home with a man who shouts at you, and doesn't listen to you? I understand that you're doubly-vulnerable, with Ld and being pregnant, but you most definitely don't deserve this shit. What rl support do you have? You owe him nothing btw.

tiredandtiredandtired Mon 14-Oct-13 00:52:54

YANBU. He is being v silly. Nloming you for his emotions and the way he behaved is classic controlling behaviour in his part too

sounds like you both need a good sleep.

the conversation went a bit ott.

I was on the phone to DP to have a quick chat and say goodnight, and we got onto the subject of when we move in together. He seemed to think that as soon as we find a house we like, we can just move in straight away. I started explaining to him that it's not quite as simple as that, and he started moaning and not paying attention. Bearing in mind that I am pregnant and I have a minor learning difficulty which means I can struggle with social interactions, I got upset that he wasn't listening and started crying. He immediately began shouting at me, so I said that I didn't deserve it and hung up on him.
He then texted me and said 'You are being horrible to me when all I am is upset that I can't be with you. It is not fair. I love you xxxx I feel like I'm being punished for wanting nothing more than to be with my child as she is growing up. I can't sleep now anyway. Good night xxxx' so I apologised for overreacting and said that I was going to bed because I felt stressed and that isn't good for the baby, and he just responded with more of the above.
I understand that he is upset but when I am pregnant and sad surely he should be able to keep his emotions under wraps until I feel a bit calmer? Also we both did something wrong, but I was the only one to apologise and he ignored it.
Aibu or has he been a bit silly?

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