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AIBU?

using a nursery for 5 month old

128 replies

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 16:17

Hi, my first baby is due in March. Unfortunately, due to redundancy and a big hit on our savings (but didn't want to wait to TTC due to my age) I'm not going to be able to afford a lot of time off for maternity leave and will be looking to go back to work in September when the baby will be 5 months.

I have looked around a lovely nursery (rated outstanding) and had more or less decided to put the baby there but have been open to criticism, some of it direct ("I couldn't do that!" with teeth-sucking) and some less explicit, just head-shaking and tut-tuts.

It's really upsetting and I wondered if anyone had any 'comebacks' as I know Mumsnet is good for these!

OP posts:

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PeepingTomcat · 13/10/2013 16:18

It's none of their business, baby will be fine. :)

eltsihT · 13/10/2013 16:20

I went back to work at 4 months with ds1 I had pnd and work saved me.

You don't need comebacks you are just doing what's right for you and your family and everyone else can suck their teeth as much as they like

YDdraigGoch · 13/10/2013 16:22

I went back to work when each DD was 4 months, out of necessity. I used a child minder, as I preferred the girls to be with a "mum". They've both turned out ok, and neither if them hates me

rachyconks · 13/10/2013 16:22

Yes totally fine. My DD goes to a nursery with babies that age (she's 10mo) and they are a lot more settled and happy than she is at the moment! Just make sure you start the baby a couple of weeks before you return to work so help you both settle into the routine.

gordyslovesheep · 13/10/2013 16:24

all 3 of mine where in nursery from 4,6 and 10 mths old - none have grown a new head as a result or turned semi feral

I chose nursery because it is more reliable - you don;t have to worry about holiday or sickness cover like you do with childminder

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 16:27

Our first went to nursery at 4 months. It was that or being on benefits, and I wasnt the type to choose the second. DD is and was fine. Dont worry in the slightest.

Choos123 · 13/10/2013 16:35

Ask them if they're offering an alternative that doesn't involve you not working....Dd went part time to nursery at 3 months, the only thing I would say is that it may be tough on you, will you have some flexibility in your job?

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 16:37

Thanks. Choos, how do you mean with flexibility? No, it's full time, unfortunately - to be honest I haven't been all that worried as it was that or not having children and the latter option wasn't an option. It's more the attitudes of others winding me up!

OP posts:

uselessinformation · 13/10/2013 16:37

My ds went to nursery at six months as that was the maximum leave at that time. Never had any problems and he's grown up fine. I choose a nursery due to the amount of staff as I can't take random days off (teacher).

mikkii · 13/10/2013 16:37

I went back to work when DC3 was 3.5 months old. They nursery staff doted on her and loved having her there.

She is 3 today and still loves nursery.

moustachio · 13/10/2013 16:39

I fucking hate preachy people. Your DC will be fine.

In fact its easier for them to settle at that age. D's went to nursery at 6mo, I got made redundant when he was 2. Now have a new job and trying to get him settled is 1000 times harder now he's more aware.

mikkii · 13/10/2013 16:40

The flexibility with the nursery is that staff holidays or illness do not require you to make alternate arrangements. That is their responsibility.

moustachio · 13/10/2013 16:40

The nursery workers love the littlest ones. At DS's nursery they argued about who got to have a five minute cuddle/break and give the baby its bottle!

LingDiLong · 13/10/2013 16:42

Have you considered a childminder? A good childminder can work out really well for younger children.

I'm crap at comebacks though. I think I'd just make the person who said 'I couldn't do that' squirm by asking them 'why?' and getting them to explain themselves.

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 16:44

No, we definitely don't want a childminder - thanks, though. Thanks for replies: very reassuring.

OP posts:

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 16:44

I wouldnt go for a childminder personally. I prefer nursery a lot more for my own. If your happy stick with nursery.

valiumredhead · 13/10/2013 16:46

You need to practise the phrase 'it works for us,' said with a patient smile, like this

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 16:50

I agree with moustachio the younger they are then the less they cry and much easier to settle. Past about 10 months it gets harder and harder.

LingDiLong · 13/10/2013 16:50

The only reason I say a childminder (apart from the fact that I am one!) is that I used a nursery for my then 6 month old and the baby room was fantastic. The staff were amazing, bonded really well with her and were great at communicating with me. Then she moved rooms when she started walking and it all turned to shit. The staff I'd seen when I'd been there 9 or 10 months previously to view the nursery had been moved or left and the ones left couldn't have contrasted more strongly with the baby room staff.

That is one of the problems with using a nursery for a young baby, they are going to end up moving up through the different age rooms and it's almost like starting again each time - different staff members to deal with. Find a good childminder and you're more likely to be sorted in the long run.

Anyway, wherever you choose a 5 month old will probably settle more happily and easily than an older child and baby!

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 16:52

LingdiLong - A large proportion of nurseries I know they have all the age ranges in one room. It depends on your location.

Meglet · 13/10/2013 16:53

Remember, if they go to nursery you never have to do messy play at home .

She'll be fine. Ignore anyone who snips at you about it.

HSMMaCM · 13/10/2013 16:55

As others have said a 5 month old will settle really quickly. Find somewhere (nursery, childminder or whatever) you are happy with and it will be fine.

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LingDiLong · 13/10/2013 16:55

Olive, it must do. There were no nurseries like that where we used to live and there are none like that round here either.

Choos123 · 13/10/2013 16:56

I mean when you or they get sick, if you can wfh some hours in the evenings it'll help you have a bit more flexibility, or can you arrange to go home at 3pm some Fridays or take the odd half day? Things like that can make you feel a bit happier, I worked ft from 10 months and it did get to me a bit that my dd was always one if the first in and last out. I don't think it affected her though, she loves her nursery. Hope you have a cleaner, hard to fit it all in...don't listen to the 'couldn't do that' people though, unless they are offering help they should keep quiet!

missmapp · 13/10/2013 16:59

Both mine were in nursery from a similar age ( 6mths and 9mths) I trusted the nursery and the staff were brilliant. Yes, you get comments and you need to grow a tough skin BUT if you trust the nursery, the tough skin is much easier to grow.

Oh and my dcs are now 6 and 8yrs and seem to have suffered no ill effects

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