To expect dh to get the dc out the house once a week?

(22 Posts)
Dancergirl Sun 13-Oct-13 10:34:22

Dh goes to work early so I get the dc up, breakfast, school stuff etc and out the house for school Mon-Fri. We're usually quite organised and we get to school in time without any fuss.

They go to Sunday school every week and dh is responsible for taking them. He goes swimming on Sunday mornings so drops them off then goes.

But almost every week without fail there's some sort of problem. He doesn't allow enough time so things get frantic or he shouts, faffing around with their bags, snacks etc, they are often late so he's late for swimming. He's asked me to be around in the mornings to help with their hair and help get dd2 (6) dressed which I have been doing.

This morning all seemed to be going to plan, but dh came home again after realising dd2 had left her bag at home! So he's now got to drop it in and then either be late for swimming or not go.

AIBU to think he should be able to do this task when I do it all week?

CaptainSweatPants Sun 13-Oct-13 10:35:37

What bag would you need for Sunday school??!

Dancergirl Sun 13-Oct-13 10:36:56

They've got a folder and books they take plus a snack and drink.

Cluffyflump Sun 13-Oct-13 10:40:03

Sounds stressful for everyone, especially the Dc!

If they must go to Sunday school then can't you and Dh sort all stuff out the evening before?
Sounds like a nightmare!

BillyBanter Sun 13-Oct-13 10:40:38

Put up a laminated check list and yell him to get up earlier and/or prepare as much stuff the night before as possible. Practice makes perfect!

BillyBanter Sun 13-Oct-13 10:41:01

Tell not yell.

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 10:42:45

My DH takes my two to the park every Sunday. I must confess I pack the bag of snacks and nappies the night before and get up briefly to help dress them. It's just easier that way for us!

Threalamandaclarke Sun 13-Oct-13 10:46:37

YANBU
Help him by encouraging him to get their stuff ready - completely ready, on Saturday night. He just needs more practice.

Get their bags ready the night before.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Sun 13-Oct-13 11:14:50

YANBU Surely as an adult he should be able to organise them one day a week.

Dancergirl Sun 13-Oct-13 11:17:15

Yes will try to get bags ready the night before. I just feel I shouldn't have to organise him, he's an adult!

redmayneslips Sun 13-Oct-13 11:18:05

See, this is one of the things that pisses me off, no-one gives the mums 'lessons' in how to get organised to get the kids to school / nursery whatever and yet is it amazing how many dads are incapable of getting their own children up and out of the house without hand-holding and support. I think they don't think about these things because they don't HAVE to. OP I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. But I don't know the solution either. Perhaps as others have suggested you should ask him to get their stuff ready the night before?

It also bothers me that dh can just swan out of the house to work or meetings or to meet friends etc without a care in the world and if i want to do the same it involves so much forward planning. I COULD just walk out but then I run the risk of dc not having what they need and dh not noticing GRRR

Dancergirl Sun 13-Oct-13 11:26:26

Yes, we haven't exactly come a long way in terms of equality have we?

Maybe gender neutral kinder eggs are the answer wink, sorry!

Dancergirl Sun 13-Oct-13 11:28:06

Seriously though, I suppose there are things dh does regularly that I would find difficult.

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 11:35:49

DH can do it, but it takes him forever and the bashing and crashing does my head in! Not making excuses but her works away during the week so doesn't always know where their stuff is, where the muddy boots are....whether DD has taken a dislike to the snack she willingly scoffed last week and so on.

On one level is does irritate me, but we bring different skill sets to the marriage. Yes they are HIS children but he's doesn't always know the tiny details of stuff that matters. In the same way that this is also MY house but I wouldn't know where to start with some of the DIY jobs he does if that makes sense. That sounds terribly gender roled but it's me that always fixes the dishwasher and he choose the colour palette for the rooms so maybe it evens up a bit?!?

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 11:36:22

Typos blush

Threalamandaclarke Sun 13-Oct-13 11:54:40

I don't think it's really a male/ female thing.
But he only does it once a week and he's not very good at it is he?
There are tasks that i'm better at and those which my Dh is better at and things run more smoothly if we help each other with them or share tips as long as i never have to change over the car sets by myself

BillyBanter Sun 13-Oct-13 12:05:39

I don't have kids and when I take charge of someone else's they sort out what they need. I'm not doing it all the time so I don't know.

You do this on a daily basis and have perfected the technique over x number of events. If you're only doing it once a week it is easier to forget between events and it take much longer to get to the x number of times it needs to get the process down pat.

That's the same for anything and everyone.

Help him get organised by all means. If you were not there he would just have to muddle through like you did at first. But as you are you can help. But I'd help in a way to support him getting to the point he can manage himself and also accept that he won't necessarily do things quite how you would but that's ok.

Pooka Sun 13-Oct-13 13:16:40

Why does he need help with the hair of a 6 year old and older sister? And why does the 6 year old need help getting dressed.

Just get clothes and bags ready might before and leave him to it!

Fairenuff Sun 13-Oct-13 13:42:16

YANBU stick your head under the covers and let him get on with it. You never know, at some point it might occur to him to get some things ready the night before.

Rowgtfc72 Sun 13-Oct-13 15:49:22

Get things ready the night before for a few weeks, teach DH how to do it and leave him to it after that in case hes going for the old "if I drag my feet DW will do it for me" routine. Dont think its a gender thing as Ive always until recently worked mornings and DH has always had to deal with DD in the morning. When we switched over Ive discovered I dont have to do anything as the routine runs with military precision! grin

coldwinter Sun 13-Oct-13 15:54:17

YANBU I would suggest he gets the bags ready the night before, and then just leave him to it. We don't help other adults by constantly taking responsibility for pretty basic jobs they should be perfectly capable of.

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