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AIBU to just not go?(28 Posts)
I have 2 sisters. DS1 is pregnant and due any day pretty much. DS2 messaged me on Monday to ask if I was free for a baby shower for DS1. I said I could be.
The reason I had not organised anything is that I am not a fan. I just don't "get" them. I see DS1 all the time, I congratulated her and her OH on their pregnancy, I help with practical things like helping with her DC or taking her to hospital appts when her OH can't, when baby is born I will no doubt buy a gift for him.. whats the point of a party for her now? to which we are expected to bring a gift? what is it FOR?!
Anyway I didn't say any of this, just figured that if DS2 wanted to organise it (it being us meeting in the pub for a drink and cake) then I would go along and be supportive etc.
Anyway fast forward to tonight and I message DS2 to ask if she wants me to pick anything up on the way. message from DS2 to ask if I can go halves on the cake and should she make a game. I said ok to going halves unless she would rather I grab some balloons? and yes I guess if she wants to make a game then she could, I would but am busy working. She said she was busy too, she already had balloons and can I bring the money tomorrow for when the woman drops off the cake. I said "suppose so".
She then started saying I was making out that she was putting me out by not just saying yes to giving her money tomorrow (seriously I know you cannot read tone in a message but I JUST said suppose so as in I have no cash, will have to pick it up on the way.. not suppose so as in eughh its so unfair?)
She then said that I could sod off with my snotty attitude and she couldn't see anyone else getting off their arse to organise anything (again, her idea and didn't ask me for any help until today and even then it was just money). I basically said wtf was her problem? and if she didn't want me to be there then I wouldn't be. She said don't go then. I said suit yourself.
To expect someone to respond happily to "I suppose so" YABU
see that was what I thought Brandy. I would be pretty irritated if my sister decided to throw a baby shower and then sent me a message to ask for half the money for something which was ordered without any input from me? one thing to ask before but afterwards? and then to get shirty when OP wasn't gleeful about it?
I can kind of see where everyone is coming from on the "suppose so" front ... but am I the only person who thinks the sister was being unreasonable asking her to go halves on a cake for a shower she had thought up and arranged herself? That put the OP in a very difficult spot and why should she be expected to go halves on, what could possibly be, a very expensive baby shower cake?
You were being U OP by not communicating your actual thoughts to your sister about the whole thing but I think she was unreasonable to ask for money for the cake. If she wanted you to go halves, you should have both had input on picking it.
Life's too short for this shit. It really is. Yes, you should go because it's about your DS1 who will appreciate the fuss and effort, not about you and your other sis.
I don't understand why you didn't just say 'yes' when your sister asked about dropping the money over. You sounded sarcastic and moody about and I don't blame your sister for getting annoyed with you. YWBU.
I don't understand baby showers either so YANBU. (Are you in the UK OP?)
I would go, take enough money for your share of the cake and give it to DS2. Then concentrate your attention on DS1 who is, after all, the guest of honour.
If your DS2 is a bit off with you, just ignore her, she'll get over it.
NynaevesSister - it's mostly cultural, in the US (where I'm from) showers and gift lists are a big thing, and honestly they are quite grabby really, as most people want shower gifts then gifts for the main event, and most people I know have had more than one to make sure the pool of gifts is quite large! It's still more traditional in the UK to give the card and gift AFTER the baby is born, and personally I think that's better and makes more sense anyway. People can then buy something to suit and also meet the baby at the same time!
Maybe it is because I come from a country with a tradition of baby showers but to me they are a nice thing. You are going to be given a gift anyway usually so a shower is a nice way to give something back. Is it expected then in the UK that you give a present at the shower and then another after the birth?! That would be odd.
If I go to the shower I give them a card when go to see new baby that's all. If I don't go to shower I give a present at birth.
Or is it the giving of presents at all to the baby that people find objectionable? Is that not the done thing for those nearest and dearest (who are the ones you invite to the shower after all).
Am I missing some important culutural thing here?
I hate baby showers too but because I hate baby showers I would have said so when it was first mentioned, and maybe not have gone - it sounds as though you're giving her enough practical help anyway. Once you'd agreed to go it's a bit late to back out, just pay the cake and turn up smiling is my advice!
I'd have taken it the same way. You don't sound particularly close to your sisters tbh.
'Suppose so' Is what people say when they reluctantly agree to something so YABU.
I can't stand the tacky grabbiness of 'baby showers' so YANBU.
I can't stand the tacky grabbiness of 'baby showers' so YANBU.
you could have just said, "sure, will do". Agree with others that "suppose so" sounds reluctant. Whether you "get them" or not a baby shower is basically just a way of fussing over the mum-to-be for an hour or two, no big deal really. Maybe you could have offered to make a cake or just get a supermarket one - even the really lovely ones are less than a tenner. I think your other sis is overreacting a bit but it is annoying if you feel like you are dragging people along to something that they don't want to go to.
Yes suppose so comes across like that. Also, you should have said at the start that you personally don't get baby showers and it isn't your thing but of course you are happy to go along and join in. To be honest, your sister has known you her whole life. Of course she has sensed how reluctant you have been and it has sucked all the fun out of this event for her. She probably expected the party to be a fun thing you did as sister's and as you didn't say how you felt at the start is now feeling disappointed.
YANBU to not like baby showers, YABU to not tell your sister how you felt about them, and YABU to expect suppose so on its own to sound anything other than narky.
sup·pose - Verb:Used to make a reluctant or hesitant admission.
And that's how it would have come over.
I see DS1 all the time, I congratulated her and her OH on their pregnancy, I help with practical things like helping with her DC or taking her to hospital appts when her OH can't, when baby is born I will no doubt buy a gift for him..
Which bit of this OP sounds as though the poster has a 'bad attitude'?
Personally, nice though it is of her other sister to think of the baby shower, if it was me that was pregnant, I would prefer the practical, hands-on, help....
I suppose so will never come across well in a text message - even in rl conversation it is more likely to be said in a way which infers one is less than happy about the request that has been made.
I don't see where the OP has a bad attitude? she said she wanted to help?
Wow these are your sisters? You really have a bad attitude, surely it's her special time and you should be willing to make it so. Just because you don't get baby showers doesn't mean you have to be snarky about it.
Lucky you pregnant sister has the other sister.
I am narky about it now! I wasn't before, honestly!
I never said I didn't want to be involved, I said I didn't understand the point of baby showers generally but wanted to be supportive and messaged her in the first place to ask whether she wanted me to pick anything up on the way?
I don't know, I'm not a big fan of these showers, but go along with them for friends that want them. Ultimately you are going to be there for your sister when she really needs you, so I wouldn't worry about it. I would also suggest you phone your other sister rather than text, much easier for getting the tone right
The pair of you sound about 13.
Anyway, if you didn't want to be involved, you should have said straight away.
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