To think I wasn't rude?

(138 Posts)
Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:04:58

I was out with some friends last night and the air con was in full blast, I was freezing so I put my jacket on. 2 of my friends who were a bit tipsy started laughing and said yeah we were wondering when you'd complain of cold (hadn't said anything just put my cost on). 1 said its cus you're a skinny Beatch. So I replied in the same "laughing" manner that neither of you will ever have that problem (and may have uttered fat cows).
Well it all went very quiet and one said well that was really rude! So I said why is it ok for you to comment on my weight but not the other way round?
I have health problems which mean I find it difficult to put weight on these people don't know that and to be honest they've got gorgeous figures and are pretty with the best skin ever to boot.
It's just I'm sick of people taking the piss. I may be thin but sometimes I look gaunt and ugly (actually I usually look like this).
It was then sort of swept over and they seemed ok when we left but wibu to be so rude?
They've all been told how I hate being so thin but they still carry on!

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Oct-13 00:34:51

"I think what is happening here is that thin women are thinking how they would feel in the OP's position and women who are not thin are thinking how much the 'fat cow' remark would have stung them"

I think that is exactly what is happening here, MrsDV, exactly. People are identifying with one or the other, and taking offence or thinking it was justified as appropriate.

People need to have a little more empathy and think about it all from the point of view MrsDV is making - weight and size just should not be commented upon! - rather than projecting their own feelings about their own size onto the discussion.

dubstarr73 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:40:54

No you werent rude and i say that as a fa person,if they can give it they should take it.Maybe they might think twice the next time.I hate this you can say anything to someone who is thin.I know i was very thin for years and i got the same sort of stuff said to me.If they can dish it,they should ake it

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 02:33:41

I have been every weight under the sun - from the 3.5 stone anorexic teenager, to the 13 stone mother of four.

I can tell you now, that the 'skinny bitch' comments cut me FAR deeper than any fat cow comments ever did.

Even when I got up to a size 6 and resumed normal life, I still got called 'twiglet', 'stick insect' on a daily basis.

I remained skinny (and I was skinny, a bag of bones) until I had my third child and simultaneously went on meds for epilepsy. At which point I got fat.

I still am fat, at 12 stone, but its not going to stop me eating what I want says the person who has just polished off a bag of Doritos and a double chocolate chip cookie...

I've lost a stone in the last two months - but only because I've moved more. And not through choice! grin

If someone calls me far, I can look at my spare tyre s, laugh and say yep, I am, but it beats the Hell out of the alternative, being made to feel like an outcast for being a skinny bitch, being the butt of everyone else's jealous digs when all I wanted was to be a normal weight.

I couldn't give two craps if someone called me fat right now, that isn't hurtful to me, it's true! But I got looked up on fb recently by one of my old school acquaintances, and the first thing they typed was "Hi Twiglet", and it brought all the pain rushing back. No, I didn't reply!

If you are fat, take a minute to think how you are affected by people calling you fat. Well, not many people that are 5 stone overweight like me can brush it off like I can. However, and its a BIG however, not all 'skinny' people can brush off your comments about their weight either. Very few might be like I am about being called fat - which tbh I see personally as FAR more of a compliment than being called skinny - but to the majority it is just as hurtful as someone calling you fat.

Why comment on people's weight anyway? Whether slim or curvy, someone will not be happy with their weight.

Call me fat, lardy, chubba, I don't care. Call me skinny, Twiglet, stick insect, I will be deeply hurt.

(My anorexia was through competing in a martial art based on weight categories and pure and simple food phobias, not 'fat' comments)

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 02:38:58

And NO, it isn't 'fortunate', or 'one less thing to worry about' if you are 'skinny'.

You have to worry that every time you are under stress that you might become dangerously underweight, that the diet you have to eat in order to look even remotely human rather than a skeleton with skin stretched over it is probably going to cause your arteries to be furred up by the time you are 35, and give you a heart attack.

There's never any clothing in shops that looks good on anyone smaller than a size 8, OR larger than a size 14. Believe me, I've been both.

It's no more 'fortunate' to be 'skinny' than it is to be 'fat'.

Lj8893 Sun 13-Oct-13 03:06:06

I wouldn't say 12 stone was fat at all.

I also would disagree with the comment about clothing not looking good on anyone under a size 8 or over a size 14.

I have a friend who is a size 6 and dresses very well for her size and shape, lots of clothing looks good on her and the same for myself at a size 16/18, I dress well for my size and shape and all my clothes look good on me (without being big headed) because i know what suits me and what doesn't.
Yes, it would probably be a lot easier to clothes shop if I was a size 10 but that doesn't mean there arnt clothes in the shops that don't look good on me just because I'm over a size 14.

I think commenting on anybody's weight is rude, fat or thin.

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 03:18:24

12 stone is fat when you're short...

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 03:19:32

According to my GP, I should weigh between 8.5 and 9.5 stone. Umm...nope.

nooka Sun 13-Oct-13 03:55:00

My son is very very thin and buying clothes for him is very difficult because if you get the length right then they fall off his waist. Literally. Of course he can wear a belt and he used to have trousers with the adjusters inside, but I'd have to pull them right the way up and it was very uncomfortable for him. He could not for example wear jeans. Now he is in adult sizes he can get better fitted clothes, but then they really show off his thinness, which makes him unhappy.

His best buddy is very overweight and has similar problems. Neither are within the norm, and it's an issue for both of them. I would think it just as wrong to call ds a skinny bastard as his buddy a fat bastard, although there is no doubt that ds is very thin and his mate is very fat.

Ironically ds eats an absolute ton, and his friend is very active. Both shapes are due mainly to their genetics, and no I don't consider ds fortunate when he gets so cold swimming that he has to get out way before his friends, or when he feels he needs to wear seven layers in the summer to look OK.

In the same way that 'eat less' is not generally a helpful thing to say to someone overweight, eat more is generally not a helpful thing to say to someone thin.

Lj8893 Sun 13-Oct-13 04:33:11

I'm not particularly tall myself, 5"5. According to Bmi I should weigh about 9st. If I weighed 9st I would look very very ill. My perfect weight would probably be about 11-12 stone. When I weighed 11st I was a perfect size 10. So no I wouldn't call 12st fat (unless your very very short that is!!!)

SlangKing Sun 13-Oct-13 05:45:53

There is no 'scoring' insults - gobshite 3.8, fuckwit 7.1 etc - cuz you never know how the recipient will feel.

Their insult began with "We wondered when,,,,". So, they were talking/laughing about her "skinny aversion to cold" earlier and were eagerly awaiting their opportunity. That's bullying, both overt and covert, which multiplies the effect of any insult.

When the OP responded they could've kept quiet but noooo,, they bonded before she got there. If one reacts the other will follow,, a second opportunity to bully the OP.

Fat cows? Utter cunts, more like. You want ppl like that for friends, OP? I wouldn't waste my breath on 'em.

differentnameforthis Sun 13-Oct-13 08:26:51

Out of interest ... and, humour me ... but why is it rude to call somone who's fat, 'fat'?

It's rude when it is an insult, or meant to hurt.

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Oct-13 14:29:23

Lj8893 - what you would or wouldn't say about Couthy's weight and size is utterly irrelevant to Couthy. And, in fact, me too. I am not short, I am the same height as you and I can assure you that at 12st, I am fat because I carry it all around my middle and have a waist measurement of 37", which is far too big.

Besides which, this thread is not at all about what you would call fat. It's about people's response to other people calling them skinny or fat.

Lj8893 Sun 13-Oct-13 14:36:07

Sorry I didn't mean it to come across that way at all. It was 4am in the morning after all, and I was being driven mad by pregnancy insomnia.

What I meant by what I said is that weight shouldn't really determine somebody's size and shape.

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