to be really exasperated at OH being mugged tonight?

(125 Posts)
owhatashambles Wed 09-Oct-13 00:39:44

He lost his wallet, his phone, cash. Second phone lost in a month. Can't help thinking he gets himself into these situations. He is not auditioning for Jeremy Kyle as far as I know but meant to be a mature professional. Guess who has to clean up the mess - cancel the card, cancel the phone, replace said cards and phone? Oh and be parent and hold down a pretty stressful job. Just want to scream rather than offer sympathy. Well I will make soothing noises as soon as he's back but am not impressed. Evil woman.

MokuMoku Fri 11-Oct-13 09:59:08

I don't know but once I dropped my purse while out shopping. It got handed in but without the cash (all 1.20 pound of it). I didn't blame anyone except myself. I was careless. I can rant about how people are cunts and life is shit but people are cunts and life is shit. Maybe that is a weird way of thinking though. I have found wallets and purses on the street and I always hand them in intact. I would never take something that doesn't belong to me.

A guy I worked with said he found a wallet so took the cash. He didnt even think twice about it. I was shocked as he seemed like a good guy but that's the way some people think, I guess, if they see money lying around they just take it. Better to be careful with your stuff than risk running into someone like that.

complexnumber Fri 11-Oct-13 07:54:18

Moku Do you think that blame lies alongside responsibility?

Obviously your friend was responsible for her own bag, but can she (albeit partially) be blamed for it being nicked? Was it in anyway her fault?

MokuMoku Fri 11-Oct-13 01:37:10

By the way, a friend left her bag on her bike while she popped into the shops. Someone stole it. I do think she bears some responsibility for that as she knows it's a rough area. It was a silly thing to do.

Of course if she had been walking home from the shop and someone stole the bag at knifepoint it wouldn't be her fault at all but I think the scenarios are totally different.

For me, the idea of getting so drunk that you pass out on the street is very scary. I would never choose to put myself in that position.

MokuMoku Fri 11-Oct-13 01:31:20

It doesn't seem like the OP is coming back but I once got followed home by a very creepy guy when I was drunk. I luckily got away from him but it was a huge wake up call for me and I honestly think that was the last time I ever got drunk like that and that was about 10 years ago. I have no desire to put myself in those kinds of situations ever again. That's not to say that I will never get followed by a creepy guy again but it's about minimizing risks. I do think being so drunk made me vulnerable.

As an adult I take responsibility for my own actions. So, for me, if I had been mugged 4 times on nights out then I would question why this kept happening to me and what I could do to stop it happening again.

So, I think if bad things keep happening to the OP's OH when he is out drinking then perhaps he needs to rethink his lifestyle choices. Because drinking is a lifestyle choice and while many people are capable of going out and having a nice time, for some people alcohol is just not good for them. I was definitely one of those people. I don't miss it one little bit.

MissDD1971 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:31

I'd like the answer to this too Worra!

the amount of times I know friends/colleagues who've lost stuff or it's been stolen when they're pissed, ok maybe they shouldn't be so pissed to leave stuff in bars (like a colleague of mine, which has included purse, e-ring etc...) but then again are you supposed to be vigilant every time? and yes, of course I'm vigilant in places like All Bar One (bag snatch central). are you supposed to be very drunk? I do actually think my colleague who constantly loses things does drink too much but that's her look out. not going to lecture her. grin

I've been mugged in broad daylight (but purse was just swiped out of a bag) but I was SOBER. was this my fault?! Am I any less deserving of pity for that because I was sober?!

WorraLiberty Thu 10-Oct-13 15:32:26

So I think there is a VERY BIG difference from starting a fight whilst pissed or getting drunk/open to being mugged etc whilst not pissed.

The OP hasn't said her husband started any fights so ignoring that bit...when you say there is a VERY BIG difference from getting drunk/open to being mugged etc whilst not pissed, what do you actually mean?

Are you saying that if you get mugged when drunk, it's your own fault for getting drunk?

Genuine question btw, just trying to understand what you mean.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Thu 10-Oct-13 15:14:23

"If I saw someone passed out drunk I'd want to make sure they were okay, I would not relieve them of their possessions."

I'd check they were ok too.

Also - they might not be drunk. A couple of years ago my DS and friends (all HCPs) came across a man lying unconscious outside a club. The bouncers insisted he was drunk, but when they (DS and friends) checked on him, it turned out he wasn't drunk at all, he was dangerously ill and had to be rushed to A&E.

MissDD1971 Thu 10-Oct-13 13:24:19

Gonna add my 1p worth here.

My brother has started fights when drunk and also lost wallet when drunk which he lied about or avoided the issue. However his 2nd wife can see through his lies in a second so that doesn't happen anymore! but he can do stupid things when drunk - like he was goaded into fighting a man who was taunting him at a party but that's another story.

I have been mugged once, and attacked. I was coming home at say 11pm after work night out, was merry not drunk. I was walking through an area I thought was safe and I subsequently found out was a muggers' paradise at night. The police were annoyed they probably couldn't convict and they never caught the muggers (rabbit warren street near an estate but normally safe). The muggers (teenage school-kids) actually saw me walking home on resi street a few days later I saw the main one and he taunted me. nice eh? shock

ever since then I've made safer choices to avoid unsafe places after work or at night, eg get a cab etc. But no woman or man should feel at risk of being attacked, night or day.

So I think there is a VERY BIG difference from starting a fight whilst pissed or getting drunk/open to being mugged etc whilst not pissed.

Also want to add - for ages afterwards I jumped everytime a man walked behind me (I was attacked from behind). This was BEFORE London riots happened and what with change of gov etc I think a few areas/policing have been made safer or more police presence.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 10-Oct-13 09:48:53

No. Remember I have witnessed my exes decisions and choices and experienced repercussions of his choices myself. I know many people who drink every weekend and never get mugged or experience crime. If someone drinks till they're are insensible every week, or four or five times a week and repeatedly experiences crime and their pregnant wife is abused and threatened on one of those many occasions and that person STILL doesn't question or change their choices can you honestly say you wouldn't think "why the f*ck is he still making the choices that are allowing this to happen?".

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 10-Oct-13 09:45:22

SP - if your brother is just out on a normal night out then that blatantly isn't his fault, probably is just the type of blokes who have to prove they are alphas picking on someone they see as an easy target.

Repeatedly hanging about in a bar that has fights every night or in the park at 3am: would still not be his fault if he were mugged but I personally would start to feel he were a bit of a f*ckwit.

If you put your hand in a fire and get burnt then you don't keep doing it do you?

But if I had said he was drunk each time the answer would have been 'yes he needs to take responsibility'.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 10-Oct-13 09:34:23

No not at all SPs but that's not the same as my situation.

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 10-Oct-13 09:32:12

Your op came across as a bit unpleasant but is the gist of it now that he over drinks and gets himself into hassles when he's drunk? If that's the case then I guess he needs to sort himself out.

In the same way I would not blame a girl for being raped I wouldn't blame him for being mugged but if either continually put themselves in a situation there they are vulnerable to this then perhaps they need to reassess their attitudes to personal safety.

I am aware I am stirring up a hornets nest there but please note I said I would not blame a girl for being raped I wouldn't blame him for being mugged

My brother has been mugged a few times while out. He doesn't drink due to health issues but goes out with friends. He is always sober yet it always happens. Should he start taking responsibility for the muggings and start questioning why it happens to him? Maybe he should be locked up so the poor muggers dont get tempted.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 10-Oct-13 09:26:01

I said quite clearly in my last post that I was applying this to my situation and the OP only.

Lazyjaney Thu 10-Oct-13 09:23:27

NO ONE deserves to be a victim of crime but if you keep making the same poor choices time after time exposing yourself to risk, at what point do you have to take personal responsibility

Sparkly do you believe the same applies to sexual assault too, or is that somewhat different - and if so, why?

Sparklysilversequins Thu 10-Oct-13 09:16:44

You're absolutely right. NO ONE deserves to be a victim of crime but if you keep making the same poor choices time after time exposing yourself to risk, at what point do you have to take personal responsibility? And let me be quite clear I am talking about THIS situation and my own detailed previously in the thread. This is not a general rule.

Her OH chose to go out, he chose to get involved in a fight That was in the past. Once he did tried to break up a fight is all the OP has said.

A lot of reading between the lines on this thread.

So what if he was drunk. Whats that got to do with been mugged. You can get mugged while sober too. Getting pissed doesn't mean you are to blame if you get mugged!

Sparklysilversequins Thu 10-Oct-13 09:08:19

Agree entirely Moku.

MokuMoku Thu 10-Oct-13 08:46:15

You are not exactly showing a great deal if empathy for the OP yourself.

It sounds like she had a shit day and wanted to vent. She already said she was being unreasonable.

Her OH chose to go out, he chose to get involved in a fight. He could have just stepped back and used his phone to call the police and gone home to his wife and kids. That would have been the grown up thing to do.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 10-Oct-13 08:26:00

Do you have issues with empathy op?

roadwalker Thu 10-Oct-13 08:20:54

Was he hurt OP, just wondering how he is and how his confidence is
My confidence would be knocked if I was mugged

Sparklysilversequins Thu 10-Oct-13 08:15:47

I believe he does thebody but he AND his family just think he's a well meaning bloke who likes a drink and gets taken advantage of hmm.

thebody Thu 10-Oct-13 08:04:58

sorry my reply was to sparklys post.

op doesn't give enough info really to judge her situation.

thebody Thu 10-Oct-13 08:03:08

he sounds a tad feckless and childish op.

my lads manage to go out in the lash and have never got so drunk that they have been robbed. so have I for that matter.

does he have a genuine alcohol problem?

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