My employer wants me to work away for a few days

(239 Posts)
Missfloweryname Mon 07-Oct-13 09:12:35

Hi, I am going back to work part time after having my DS. Once a year there is an event which involves working away for a few days. It's not mandatory but it's expected. Two of the 3 day event are my working days so I am expected to go. I would be a 2-3 hour drive away and I don't feel comfortable driving on the motorway so I would probably have to use public transport if I went. But basically I don't want to go!! Working 9-5 3 days a week is one thing but to be hours away from home and stay away over night is too much I think! My priorities are different now and I would hate to be that far away from my DS who would only be 11 months old at the time!! Going back to work is bad enough but we need the money. Am I being un reasonable not wanting to go? Or is it unreasonable them expecting me to go now I'm a mum? I would be grateful for your thoughts on this :-)

KatoPotato Mon 07-Oct-13 15:09:30

Every hairy car journey I do, I chalk up as EXP points!

Drove to Edinburgh for work, got lost in road works, phoned venue brink of tears... EXP points! I did it! It was awful but I did it!

Only way to learn is to gain experience!

KellyElly Mon 07-Oct-13 15:09:52

You cannot blame this on her employer, they have expected her to go just as they have expected everyone else to go. I'm not blaming it on her employer confused. I'm simply pointing out that while women work and take on the majority of child care responsibilities, in the OP's case to the point she feels she doesn't want to leave her child for a few days with her partner, they will have more issues in the workplace than the majority of men for whom having a child does not affect their career.

flipchart Mon 07-Oct-13 15:12:34

No one has an obligation to work uncontracted antisocial hours. It is great if you can or want to but you don't have to.

*Just because your employer pays your wage doesn't mean they own your life. If a person doesn't want to go away on a work trip they shouldn't be made to feel guilty.

Of course she has to go on a work trip if she is expected to. She isn't obliged in this case to stop over. She doesn't want to. So she has the optin of coming home.
The choice is hers. What's the drama?

it is this sentence Or is it unreasonable them expecting me to go now I'm a mum? that is bonkers.

SilverApples Mon 07-Oct-13 15:16:03

Oh, about the driving thing.
If you have a child in trouble several hundred miles away, the fastest way to get to them is usually by motorway.
I've done this several times, sometimes in the middle of the night. No way would my child be put in more distress by my inability to cope with a challenging drive.
If it really matters to you, if it is hugely important, then you can do it.

VivClicquot Mon 07-Oct-13 15:32:26

I have a breastfed, bottle-refusing co-sleeping 11 month old and I still managed to go away with work for one night last week. She ate regular food and drank water. I expressed. She co-slept with my husband and 2yo. And gave me enormous amounts of cuddles when I came home. It was all fine. I just don't get all this drama.

I'm ignoring all the film flam. The basics are the trip is once a year.

That's it.

Once a year.

So once done it's not expected for another 300+ days?! Plenty of time to look for a new job then. Stop moaning. Get used to compromise, and in terms of that you appear to have it fairly good don't you.

I'm ignoring all the film flam. The basics are the trip is once a year.

That's it.

Once a year.

So once done it's not expected for another 300+ days?! Plenty of time to look for a new job then. Stop moaning. Get used to compromise, and in terms of that you appear to have it fairly good don't you.

So good it appears iPhone posted it twice..... :0/

Ragwort Mon 07-Oct-13 15:41:52

Faithless - are you still with your DH, did he want to become a Dad? He sounds like a throwback to the 1950s. But did your behaviour in any way enable him to act like that? Did you never just go out and leave your baby with his own father?
From the minute (literally grin) that we got home from hospital (EMCS/serious health issues with our baby so fairly traumatic) I made sure that I was never, ever going to be the 'most important' carer to my child - my husband wanted a baby and therefore he knew he had to get involved in everything (except breast feeding wink).

Faithless12 Mon 07-Oct-13 16:05:49

Yep DH wanted a child a DD to be exact but hey ho. The only way I enabled his behaviour was he said he needed his sleep which I agreed with during the week during the weekend I expected his help at night. The only thing he would do is bath him but then make a big deal about he baths DS. My first day at work was a shock to him as he stayed at home with DS. I asked for so much help in the first year I hate even thinking about it.

flipchart Mon 07-Oct-13 16:43:38

I think the posters who have a downer on the employer saying they shouldn't be asking employees to go away seem to forget some of the nights away COULD actually be in the employees interest.

I have been away to gain qualifications in outdoor stuff, which resulted in promotion, in other jobs I have been away to attend conferences on change in legislation which was very relevant to what I was doing.

Turniptwirl Mon 07-Oct-13 16:59:27

Yabu

Things like this contributes to the negative attitude towards part time workers, especially women with children. We all know children are more important than work, and should be to dads as well. But work is important and if you're not going to commit to a reasonable level (three days, once a year is perfectly reasonable), then it can lead to a lot of resentment

Lililly Mon 07-Oct-13 17:51:56

YANBU at all, it sounds like you are both very attached to each other. I have had to go to events requiring one or two nights stay, and have payed extra for OH to come and stay with me. Perhaps you can do this?

pixiepotter Mon 07-Oct-13 17:52:23

Have you actually discussed it with your manager?

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