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AIBU?

To not know how to get DD to sleep?!

28 replies

HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump · 06/10/2013 20:18

I'm out of ideas. How do you all manage?!

She's 12 m/o and usually breastfeeds to sleep (albeit for about 30 minutes minimum.. But it works at least).
Tonight, 45 minutes in, she doesn't want to feed, or cuddle, or be in the bedroom (co-sleeps) or read books, or do anything remotely calm. She wants to climb, charge about, and wave her toy dog at me shrieking and giggling like she's got a megaphone.
Help!!

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notanyanymore · 06/10/2013 20:20

Does she sleep in a cot? She sounds over stimulated and like she needs to be left alone to go to sleep (I'm not being flippant, I learnt this from bitter experience with DD)

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CrohnicallyLurking · 06/10/2013 20:22

When my DD gets like that I switch her lullaby music on and leave her to it.

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HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump · 06/10/2013 20:25

We have a cot up, but she just screams when I put her in it (or stand next to it holding her) and I feel horrible!... Should I just put her in and let her cry for a few minutes?

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HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump · 06/10/2013 20:25

(She usually co sleeps, can only put her in the cot if she's already asleep)

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ringaringarosy · 06/10/2013 20:26

im in the same situation,i just get him up if it looks like hes really not going to sleep!and then he goes to sleep down here on me or dh.he is my 4th aswell,theyve all gone though it at this age.

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ringaringarosy · 06/10/2013 20:26

no dont let her cry!

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ringaringarosy · 06/10/2013 20:27

im not suggesting you do what i do either,as it wont suit most people and it would drive most mad but we are used to it.

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HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump · 06/10/2013 20:28

Nice to know it's not just me ring !
Am I getting her in awful habits letting her play to tire her out or did yours grow out of it?
I don't want to leave her to cry, but preferably don't want her up all night playing every evening if she learns it works!

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froken · 06/10/2013 20:28

I give ds a bath if he is like that. I turn the lights off, lightcandles and blow bubbles. I let him stay in the bathuntil he is rubbing his eyes.

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OvaryAction · 06/10/2013 20:29

I always found with DD when she'd have an unexplained second wind, that it was best just to let her play for a while and take her up when she did get tired, then make sure she got up at the usual time and try the next day to get back into the normal routine.

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catgirl1976 · 06/10/2013 20:31

Controlled Crying worked well for us

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FortyDoorsToNowhere · 06/10/2013 20:31

DS has always been a nightmare sleeper, no matter what i do the only time he sleeps is when he is very ill.

DD is thankfully a sleeper, i did the pick up put down method and it worked. It takes forever and be prepared to do it for up to a week if thats what you decide.

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StyleManual · 06/10/2013 20:37

Well, I believe at that age they're not traumatised by a little bit of crying. I know a lot of people disagree. We got into a stupid habit with my DD at around 15 months where she would be giddy at bedtime, so we would bring her down and let her play or watch telly. Then when she looked tired we'd take her up, but she learnt that it was more fun downstairs with us so would scream when we put her in her cot. It went from a nice calm bedtime at 7 to toddler wrangling till 10pm. We snapped one night and she went in her cot and there was no chance we were letting her out of the room. We just went in and laid her down every few minutes - no cuddles, no fun. It took 1 NIGHT! After that she just went to sleep nicely. She cried a bit on that one night, but she goes to bed like a dream now and I don't think she thinks mummy and daddy don't love her because we put our foot down and let her cry a bit. I actually believe she's happier now that we have a fixed bedtime that's the same every night, without all the shenanigans we had going on before.
It's just my opinion, but I think when they're over 1 you can get a bit tough about bedtime.

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notanyanymore · 06/10/2013 20:37

At 12 months I would put her in her bed and be prepared to let her cry it out for up to 15 mins, if you've always assisted her to sleep she's bound to cry initially, but it won't do her any harm and might be what she needs.

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maddening · 06/10/2013 20:40

ds bf to sleep till after 2yo, at 15mth I put a mattress on his bedroom floor as he was rolling out of my bed and we co-slept there (felt it would be better to get him used to his room rather than mine and then extract myself later) - it was also easier for me as he bf in the night too.

in April I had an op so couldn't cosleep for at least 2-3 weeks so defiance went in instead - ds started to sttn and went to sleep with df just lying next to him ! So delighted and we will do gradual removal - at first my mattress was right next to his toddler bed and am moving it away bit by bit.

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Safmellow · 06/10/2013 20:42

I would go with your instincts to be honest. My DD was exactly the same, could easily be awake till 10pm. We co-slept and she breastfed to sleep.

Now she is 2.5 she sleeps in her own bed absolutely fine, gave up BF without a fuss and rarely wants in with me! It was exhausting in the early days though. I didn't get many nights to myself and on my days off work I would nap in the afternoon when she did to catch up.

I never left her to cry even for a minute because it didn't feel right to me but I do have friends who swore by controlled crying. Each to their own.

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CrohnicallyLurking · 06/10/2013 20:43

My DD is almost 12 months, and sometimes will cry and scream when I put her in her cot. It's a protest rather than being truly upset, if I just continue with the routine (dummy, teddy etc) and leave the room she will calm down. If not, then the lullaby music will do it as she stops crying so she can hear.

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HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump · 06/10/2013 20:47

Just had a slight struggle to keep her on the bed, she won... We have the mattress on the floor, and she screamed her head of when I kept moving her away from the edges, we're now back in the living room and she's happily playing.
Reassuring to know other people have this issue. Everyones babies I know past 6 months seem to magically sleep through!

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CrohnicallyLurking · 06/10/2013 20:51

Just a thought, if she's not normally like this, maybe she's coming down with something? The other night DD went to bed beautifully but woke and wouldn't go back to sleep several times in the night and she was happily chatting away to herself (usually she wakes up to 3 times a night but a quick breastfeed sends her right back off). In the morning she wasn't herself and had a rash.

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Safmellow · 06/10/2013 20:58

She is a bit young perhaps but it also might be that she is starting to need a shorter daytime nap or give it up altogether?

My mattress was on the floor too and I remember lying on it for hours whilst DD ran round and round it at top speed. Surprised there isn't a track in the carpet :)

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HopLittleFroggiesHopSkipJump · 06/10/2013 21:09

Crohnically I hadn't thought of that as she's so cheerful still, hopefully it's not!

Saf She's only gone from 2 naps to 1 a few weeks back, I think she'd be screaming all afternoon without any at the moment!

She's playing with a balloon now. I thought she was going to fall asleep feeding on the sofa, instead she finished, bit me, laughed and tried to scratch my nose off!

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OHforDUCKScake · 06/10/2013 21:19

My son does this if he simply isnt tired enough.

Id shorten that one nap.

At 12 months my Ds was having 30 minutes at 1pm.

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Twattyzombiebollocks · 06/10/2013 21:19

You need routine routine routine. Do the same thing at the same time every night. As soon as you see rubbing of eyes it's bath time. Sounds like she is getting over stimulated and over tired, don't engage, no eye contact, minimal lighting etc. she will likely cry, which is to be expected because she wants to play and you are telling her the party is over. Don't worry, she won't melt. As long as she is clean, fed, warm and well, put her in the cot and sit there until she goes to sleep. Don't have toys in cot except fave teddy, cots are for sleeping not playtime. She will get the message soon.

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GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 06/10/2013 21:57

Whether or not you think a baby is traumatised by cc, I tried it for one night and it traumatised me and I will never ever do it again. Terrible and awful experience.
But I don't interact with her at bedtime. I put her in the cot and walk out. If she grizzles, I ignore. If she cries (and I mean proper crying) I go in, pick her up, immediately lay her back down and leave again. Repeat as many times as necessary. This seems to have taught her to self settle and that she has no option but to go to sleep, but also that she ok alone and I'm never far away. She's 11 months.
What kind of naps does your little one have and at what times? Maybe she's just not tired at bedtime so needs less sleep in the day or to be woken earlier? Or maybe you need to have a long and gradual calm hour or two before bed, massage, story, tinkley music etc?
You might get some good advice if you post in the Sleep section.
Yanbu by the way. Sleep's a fucker.

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ringaringarosy · 06/10/2013 23:19

Yes mine grew out of it,once they started pre school and definitely school they just naturally were ready for bed at a decent time,there was a tricky time between 1 and about 2 and a half where they didnt really want to sleep in the day,but obviously needed to,so would fall asleep quite late and stay up til late,but it just depends on how much these things bother you you really.

With the whole cc thing,one argument i hear for a it a lot is they dont remember it,but i dont really see why that matters,theres lots of awful things i could do to him that he wouldnt remember in a few years!