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To be FUMING that FiL has used racist language around ds.

(208 Posts)

Ds is 4.4 and has been to see my PiL this afternoon (without me). Dh took him. PIL are in their 70s and are quite ignorant in a lot of ways IMO.

Dh told me that today ds was playing shops with FIL. Apparently ds said to FIL "that will be ten pounds please." To which FIL replied "that's expensive, that's more than the p**is charge."

Dh told FIL not to say that again and ds hasn't repeated it (yet) but I am fuming! Fuming! As well as it being totally disgusting and offensive language I do not want ds repeating it unwittingly at school and being branded a racist. Or them thinking it's something we have said. I am genuinely quite horrified. Am I overreacting to this? Should I say something to FIL next time I see him too? Apparently he wasn't very apologetic and actually didn't seem to think he'd said anything wrong. I suppose partly it's generational but seriously, has this every been acceptable as a phrase? I think not.

crazynanna Mon 07-Oct-13 19:40:18

Describing someone as black is fine, but dropping that descriptive term to enforce a negativity about a person...ie being a 'bitch'...is not fine...it's racist

allforoneandoneforall Mon 07-Oct-13 19:40:27

She would of been described as a bitch no matter what, but physical descriptions are normally always placed when describing an incindent

allforoneandoneforall Mon 07-Oct-13 19:42:02

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crazynanna Mon 07-Oct-13 19:43:47

And using every racist term in the book on this thread by you is encouraging integration? Right.

nomorecrumbs Mon 07-Oct-13 19:47:53

allfor I get your point, I don't think you're racist, but I do think you're sounding a tad naive.

Of course it's not racist to use the term 'black' or whatever to describe someone in ordinary conversation. You're right that 'Paki' should be a neutral adjective. But because certain ethnic groups have been discriminated against through use of racist language which includes these adjectives, we have to be extra-careful how we use them now in our descriptions.

Good on you for wanting to change the connotations of those words to something more neutral, though. Maybe it'll happen over time.

ems1910 Mon 07-Oct-13 20:00:28

I regularly hear the word dyke from my mil and sil. I hate it. OH couldn't understand why until I explained, he genuinely didn't know why it was so offensive. Now he will pick them up on it should they ever say it in front of our children.

I wouldn't feel the need to say anything now if your H has but I would if he kept repeating it. My mum still says coloured, it's force of habit and I correct her everytime!

tethersend Mon 07-Oct-13 20:11:20

An individual can't change the meaning of a word- what a word signifies is 'agreed' by a group of people/society. Consensus is reached as to its meaning- (mostly) everyone understands what the word means, thus language still functions and communication is achieved.

An individual refusing to recognise commonly received meanings of words is ineffectual. It's like me saying the the words massive, racist' with, a, made-up and husband actually mean that I value and respect everybody's opinion on the topic of this thread, as that is my intention.

Which of course would be absurd.

Of course, anyone can say whatever the fuck they like. Anytime they want. I don't want to 'police' people, or censor them. But if they are offensive and racist then they should be told that that is what they are.

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