AIBU to collect those back-handed compliments?

(51 Posts)
oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 11:43:36

I want to make a collection of MNetters’ back-handed compliments. I’ll start off with some I’ve received:

Cheeky painter doing my kitchen: ‘Oldgrandma, you must have been quite attractive when you were much younger …’ [Bastard! It was the ‘quite’ that got me]

Yummy mummy type friend of a friend, looking at my hair: ‘I didn’t realise you could still get perms like that – very ‘retro’.’ Oldgrandmama: ‘Er, my hair’s naturally curly.’

Seven year old grandkid: ‘We’re doing the Romans at school. I told my teacher you’d be really good to come and give a talk on what it was like to live in those times.’

Disastrous blind date with repugnant bloke – after a couple of drinks, I politely asked what time his train left. Repugnant bloke, leering: ‘Aren’t we going back to your place?’
Oldgrandmama: ‘No chance.’
Repugnant bloke: ‘I don’t mind banging old women. And anyway, at your age, how many more chances do you think you’ll get?’

Grennie Sun 06-Oct-13 12:53:19

"I admire you for not really caring how you look"

BookFairy Sun 06-Oct-13 13:03:31

I've been a bit sensitive about putting some weight on recently.
Me: "Mum do you like my new dress?"
Mum: "Yes, give me a twirl.... You know you have put weight on your bottom."

'Ooh, you look nice today, it makes such a DIFFERENCE when you bother about your appearance!'

'Hmmm....make up would definitely help....'

'I wish I was like you! You never have to worry about random guys slavering over you...Or random stares in the street...' (She realised she'd just basically said I wasn't attractive and apologised over and over and was absolutely mortified).

MalcolmTuckersMistress Sun 06-Oct-13 13:30:41

I remember my "best friend" at school staying for a sleepover at mine once. She was shining a torch in my face and I asked her what she was doing "trying to decide if you're pretty or not...yeah you're pretty".

She moved not long afterwards. I never missed her!

FreyaFridays Sun 06-Oct-13 13:36:52

My wonderful mother (who is genuinely lovely, just a bit daft at times), on looking at photos of teenage me:

"Thank god you blossomed when you turned 18, I thought you were going to look like your dad forever!"

Cheers, ma.

oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 13:55:33

I just remembered another real snorter: Me, at fifteen, tall, gawky, acne-ridden, in a quite famous girls' choir. We were to perform at the town's municipal theatre. Blessed and beautiful Head Girl at my school singles me out for attention (first time ever) and says: 'Oh, well done, oldgrandmama, My mother is going to the concert and I told her you're in it because you've got such a beautiful voice. I said she'd be able to recognise you, as you'd be the very spotty tall skinny one in the back row.' Bitch!

oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 14:05:08

Mrs. BertM, The 'racist cat' thread is here: http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1873574-To-think-my-cat-is-racist

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Sun 06-Oct-13 14:06:54

'You're so lucky, your boobs won't sag at all after DTs are born because they haven't gotten any bigger!'

MaddAddam Sun 06-Oct-13 14:19:35

"I think of you as like the sensible sister in Sense and Sensibility. Not the sensitive one, the other one". hmm

GruffBillyGoat Mon 07-Oct-13 02:40:21

"You're looking pretty today (sounding surprised), are you wearing makeup?"

I wasn't.

SourSweets Mon 07-Oct-13 04:20:45

"You look great, considering you've just had a baby"

Or

"...considering your age" (I'm 26!)

Just stop at great.

SecretWitch Mon 07-Oct-13 04:34:19

Secret's it's so difficult to believe you are 48! It is true that a bit of extra weight keeps one one from looking gaunt and drawn!

Said by my lovely Auntie...every blessed time she visits...

DaleyBump Mon 07-Oct-13 04:40:55

"Not many people can pull off a gap between their teeth but on you it's... cute!" Well I like it [gap toothed smiley]

MamaPingu Mon 07-Oct-13 05:02:02

The first time I went out for one of these things up town where everyone from college went I had people coming up to me all night saying things like "I've seen you at college I love your hair!!" (I had weird hair at the time, hence the approaches)

One girl in the toilets said "I love your hair and the way you dress. Because you're not skinny are you? But it's nice to see someone bigger pulling it off"

PARDON

I'm only a 12 sad
I'm kind of a big 12 though cause I'm short, I think an 8 would suit my frame confused

MamaPingu Mon 07-Oct-13 05:04:02

I should add she did genuinely mean it, she was some sort of secret fan of me shock that night was a shock really, as I hadn't realised so many people had noticed me around! That in itself should be a big compliment they bothered to say such nice things!!

Mimishimi Mon 07-Oct-13 07:55:01

My grandfather is the master of them and the sad thing is I believe he thinks he is genuinely complimenting me sad

You look nice today Mimi. Did you brush your hair?

First thing on meeting him last week in front of my aunty who was over from the other side of the country. "You look well! You've lost weight!!" Um, thanks Pa?

Told a neighbour laughingly in front of me but as though I wasn't there "well yes, Mimi used to be very good looking when she was younger". Neighbour, equally thoughtful, replied "well she has a pretty face".

NynaevesSister Mon 07-Oct-13 08:07:34

At school, I was 14. Friend, who was lovely and meant really well, told me "you know I don't care what everyone else says I think you are much prettier than your sister".

So so many levels ...

JessicaLundge Mon 07-Oct-13 08:22:11

Paul Calf : " what your daughter lacks in looks, she makes up for in stamina."
grin

monkeymamma Mon 07-Oct-13 08:35:18

Arf arf. My ex boss once confided that he'd almost decided not to employ one of my colleagues (recruited around the same time as me) because she was 'too attractive' and he couldn't trust our (apparently lothario) male colleague around her. The same male colleague he'd sat me next to. obviously he had no such concerns about me! Actually I'm not sure which of the three if us this comment was more offensive towards really! He was a nice man though and in his defence drink had been taken when he said it. But I've imagined myself to look like Peggy from mad men ever since

freddiefrog Mon 07-Oct-13 09:08:31

"I like your hair...of course I'd much rather spend time with my kids than worry about stuff like that"

From another mum at a PTA meeting

motherinferior Mon 07-Oct-13 09:36:32

Actually my mother's frequent "have you lost weight" is in this group too. No, mother, I have not lost weight. I just don't look like the vast blimp you clearly think I am.

LaBelleMadamePingouinSansMerci Mon 07-Oct-13 09:40:23

Very pretty girl at school: You know, I'm quite envious of the way you look.
Me: Really?!
Pretty Girl: Yeah, if any guy ever likes you, you'll know it must be because of your personality.
Me: hmm

welshnat Mon 07-Oct-13 10:02:09

At Sunday Lunch with family yesterday 3 separate people did the

"Oh you look really nice today!!"

With raised eyebrows and complete shock. By the 3rd remark I did actually say

"What compared to the pile of shit I usually look like?!"

Tailtwister Mon 07-Oct-13 10:10:38

DS1 yesterday morning when I was in the bath.

"Mummy, your breasts look like chickens and you nipples look like the beaks".

There goes my body confidence!

MsVestibule Mon 07-Oct-13 10:18:30

Dad, a few days after my wedding:
"You looked very nice on your wedding day...your sister is a very good make up artist, isn't she?"

and

"Oh, have you lost some weight?" "Yes, I have Dad" "Thought so; you were getting quite a tummy, weren't you?"

And not a backhanded compliment, just a ridiculous thing to say to a pregnant woman. At 17 weeks, I was barely showing. He thought it would be funny to say "You're still so small - I hope the poor little thing isn't dead!" shock shock shock

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