to use mobile phone spyware to spy on my teenager

[bankofmum]

Actually I dont care if I am BU I just want to know if anyone here has, how did it go and which do you recommend (most seem to be american)

[Latara]

Yes that is definitely BU.

[Famzilla]

Why do you need to do it?

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

Why would you do that.

[post]

I can't imagine the circumstances where totally jeopardising my relationship with my child like that would feel justified; I guess maybe if I had real fears of something life threatening and imminent, and there was absolutely nowhere else I could look for help, but even then it would be with a really heavy heart.
What's going on with them, op? Can you see no other way?

[Groovee]

Why do you feel the need to do that?

[CheeryCherry]

You can get tracking systems for mobile phones if that's what you mean. Are you fearing for their life?

[bankofmum]

No. I want to read text messages. Hes been smoking cannabis lost 1 college course 1 apprenticeship and has new job, swears he has stopped smoking but tells loads of lies

[bankofmum]

17

[mrsjay]

what would reading his texts achieve I know you are probably at the end of your tether but what are you looking for on his phone and if you use the evidence against him he would just push further away

[post]

Oh, op, you sound desperate. I echo mrs Jay, what will it achieve? I'm not at all saying do nothing, but losing even more trust between you is a big thing to decide to do; please make sure you think it's the best way, and worth it.

[FredFredGeorge]

You might as well just say good bye to your son now and realise you're not going to see him again, save a lot of pain as you completely destroy your relationship by spying on him.

Don't do it, he's old enough to make mistakes, he certainly doesn't need you interfering, support and help him.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

For an over 16 no way.

All my under 16's know that's the condition of having a mobile provided and funded by me.

[mrsjay]

yes when mine were younger teens I admit i did have a nosy at their mobiles especially if i thought something was going on but i don't understand why you would want to look at your 17 yr olds texts are you worried he is up to something illegal or dangerous ? or are you just needing to know what he texting and to who

[bankofmum]

He just passed his test and has a car and I dont want him driving under influence

[headlesslambrini]

I can understand your fears but why have you allowed him to have a car in the first place, if there are issues with drugs?

[mrsjay]

but by spying on his phone you won't know if he is driving under the influence did he buy his own car if its your car and you dont trust him dont give him it ,

[bankofmum]

He bought his own and I want him to stop altogether and hes promised he would. I am desperate and really just wanted to know if anyone had used this sort of spyware. Not a discussion of why I want to

[TheFallenNinja]

I think you may find yourself on legally shaky ground here.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

He's 17 Op.
Cut the apron strings, I wouldn't even dream at looking at my ds's texts, he's 18,much less spy on him.

[YouTheCat]

He's 17. He will find out you're doing this. He will resent you and leave home at the first opportunity.

One of my dd's friends has a father who does these kinds of things. His parents wanted him to go to a local uni so they could keep tabs on him and have him living at home. So he has gone to Scotland.

Your ds is a 17 year old - if he gets caught under the influence then he'll lose his license. He is old enough to accept the consequences of his actions.

[Stellarella123]

You can't spy on him, you have to accept that he is old enough to be making his own decisions and as difficult as it is you have to trust him, it will only ruin your relationship, I always look back at myself and my siblings as teenagers and wonder how my mum managed to give us freedom at a time when we were making mistakes and experimenting, my mum says it was very difficult, I do dread my kids growing up and having to let go.... You can only advise him, think positively, and talk to him without trying to control him, he will respect you :)

[mrsjay]

TBH I dont think many people will have used spyware for their 17 yr olds, maybe should have put it in techy stuff as you did put it in AIBU so by doing that you were asking people to comment on what and why you wanted to do it