to go to the GP?

(30 Posts)
redredeyes Sat 05-Oct-13 23:01:24

Warning: looooong!

I gave birth to a healthy DD two months ago. The pregnancy was stressful because I ended up on bed rest for nearly three months after moving to a new country - so absolutely no support network.

My DS is 2. He's FULL of energy. He goes to nursery in the mornings and the carers comment on his enthusiasm for life (no hint of SN, just exuberant).

The first month after DS's birth I stayed in bed most days, gradually getting up and out more towards the end as DH was on holiday and going back to work. I felt pretty good at the end of that time, better than expected, but not 100% (not up to running for example).

My week days are spent in bed in the mornings with DD feeding and out walking from 2-5hrs in the afternoon. I have a double buggy and it's easier to walk 5hrs with DS in it than to chase him at the park whilst trying to breast feed DD. I sometimes take them to the park, but I need to muster energy. DS won't nap in his bed with me as he gets too excited by DD. being there, who cries if put down for more than 5-10 mins. The baby carrier works well, but not for getting DS in bed, as I can't lift him (he climbs out and can undo sleeping bags, so nothing to keep him in. He likes to go to sleep striking my or DH's cheek, and then there's often little problem.

I'm so exhausted now, I cannot cope with DS hitting my legs (not hard, more like v string pat) at the end of the day. I've got a bad cough that sometimes (TMI alert) makes me vomit, which I've had for three weeks and its not getting better and this weekend I've developed what I think is conjunctivitis in both eyes.

I think I should go to the dr, because I feel so crap, but I don't really know what I expect to be the outcome. Everybody is tired, lots of people have colds. I'm pretty sure I'm not depressed (yet!) either. As a bit of back story, I've had various health problems over the last three-four years, which have meant I've had very few weeks of actually feeling healthy during that time. They have been in the last country I lived in though and were handled by my AMAZING GP who had 45min appointments! My current country has a system more like the UK and appointments are 5-7 mins. I take a double, but they're not long enough for much other than a brief overview of the issue.

Sorry that is RIDICULOUSLY long. Tried cutting some out. No drip feeding though as there's not much more to add!

Yes love, I'd go to see the doctor if I was you. And track down sure start or whatever's local to you.

Would it help to reconsider your mindset slightly? I mean, if he has a pen and is heading to a wall, what's the worst that could happen? Are there any enclosed parks/open space / soft play (some Mcdonalds have mini soft plays) you can go to? I'm just trying to think of ways that he can get exercise (&therefore maybe sleep better? ) but that you'd still feel in control.

redredeyes Sun 06-Oct-13 16:25:52

Thanks.

The thing about doing things at home right now is that I'm honestly too tired to think. My brain realised he's got the pen and heading towards the wall by the time he's nearly there. And I didn't see it in the first place.

I'm quite big on crafting myself and I'd LOVE to do loads of seasonal things with him as well as painting, sticking, whatever, I just can't manage it right now.

It's been helpful to see what posters are suggesting though, because it's making me realise just how much I can't (and it's really "can't" as opposed to "can't be bothered" or "don't want") to do. I'm thinking I really should mention it to the dr because it doesn't sound "normal" to be this tired.

Sorry for not replying quickly - my eyes are getting better, but it's too sore to look at the screen as often as normal.

absentmindeddooooodles Sun 06-Oct-13 11:28:31

Another vote here for reins and a baby carrier. Cant imagine a 2yo being happy in a buggy for 5 hours.

Take a bit more time in the afternoon to be at home. Do crafty rhings. If your ds is at nuesery in the mornings then it wont hurt to be at home a bit more. Go for a nice hour walk in the afternoon and then make it fun at home.
I hope you feel better. Gwt to the gp about the cough too. X

redredeyes Sun 06-Oct-13 11:24:53

..bloody phone!

It's really helpful to see others' thoughts. I don't know about sure start (and I'm not exactly sure what it is, but will google). I'm guessing the dr might have an idea though, so I'll ask when I go.

redredeyes Sun 06-Oct-13 11:22:31

Thank you all. I can't reply individually right now, but all your thoughts and suggestions are helping. I think I'm just so drained it's been too much energy to think about some ways around the problems, rather than direct solutions. It's really he

arethereanyleftatall Sun 06-Oct-13 08:24:09

Something needs to change because you are absolutely exhausted, and you will continue to be, unless something changes. You are in charge, you are the adult. Tell your 2 yr old he is not allowed to go go out of your sight at the park. And discipline him until he adheres to this. Put him on reins when you walk if needs be. Your dd should have a sleep in the mornings, without you, so you get 2 hours off. This needs to start happening so that you get a break.

BeckAndCall Sun 06-Oct-13 08:13:43

How about a single buggy for your DD and your son walks on reins? He'd get more exercise and you'd still have your hands free.....

HicDraconis Sun 06-Oct-13 08:12:44

Sorry - reread your OP & saw about nursery in mornings. Can that suggestion then!

HicDraconis Sun 06-Oct-13 08:10:48

Not sure which country you're in but there should be some kind of mum support network you can tap into (there are MNers all over the world!)

When my boys were younger I had them in a double buggy to the park, but then sat on a bench with the baby while DS1 ran to a landmark (tree, slide, log of wood) and back again. The temptation to run off was lessened because he knew I was timing him - made a big thing of seeing the seconds when he got back. 2-5h a day walking will soon cure the bed rest inactivity weakness but it'll exhaust you.

Yes a 3 week cough needs checking out. There's a nasty flu strain here which is leaving people with a 6 week cough, plus as someone said up thread if it's bad enough to make you vomit it may be whooping cough.

Does he get free Kindy hours from 3?

Could you take him to a toddler group in the morning and let him play there while you feed DD? Then he'll be more tired for the afternoon and may chill out with building blocks / scribble activities. Do you have a garden or yard he could run around in safely? (catching bubbles from the bubble machine was always a favourite with ours). Failing that, 45 mins on public transport might be fun for him once a week to soft play and it'll give you a rest.

HappySeven Sun 06-Oct-13 08:08:32

Which country are you in? Is there an equivalent to Home start? It sounds like you could do with some support. Also, I'd be tempted to try play groups even if you can't take your son as you may start to make friends whom you can meet up with and share the chasing of toddlers while one of you is feeding.

Definitely don't feel bad about being drained. You have two little ones. You're a star to even have the energy to write this.

Does ds ever respond to being told to do something? I mean, if you said 'no' to him climbing up the frame or called him back from the woods? My ds also runs off but stops immediately if I call 'wait!'

As for bedtime, stairgate on his door? Then it doesn't matter so much if he does get out of bed. I also use a lot of negotiation at bedtime - 'if you get in bed yourself then I'll read one more story' type thing.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 06-Oct-13 07:48:25

Don't feel bad for being drained. You have obviously been unwell..takes it out of you even without kids.

Valdeeves Sun 06-Oct-13 07:45:32

I really sympathised with your post - having moved to a place where I knew no one, then having a very energetic DS, falling pregnant and having a DD. Mine have a nearly three year gap but I find it hard and at the end of the day I'm exhausted. I was poorly too for a while so I know how that is.
Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get by. Sounds to me like you make his buggy as interesting as you can. Where do you live?

Kveta Sun 06-Oct-13 07:41:32

Do you have an enclosed garden? I used to let DS run rings round the garden whilst I fed baby DD. Also, could you put him on toddler reins whilst out walking, and walk his energy off a bit? It sounds really hard, and like you need loads more support than you are getting, so a mother's help is definitely worth investigating!

JollyScaryGiant Sun 06-Oct-13 07:32:49

What about toddler groups? My DS is pretty good at coming back so I don't have to worry about him running off, but if I did I'd spend more time at soft play and at toddler groups where there are 4 walls.

redredeyes Sun 06-Oct-13 07:27:31

Atruth - I can't carry DS when baby is in sling, so I can't put him back in bed.

There are loads of toddlers groups and they're all in the morning! Can't put DS in nursery only afternoons just now because there's not space in afternoons.

redredeyes Sun 06-Oct-13 07:25:01

There is a great local park, in terms of play things, but it's not enclosed, so DS runs off if he sees something interesting/I'm feeding DD. There are lots of trees around - like a small forest, so he disappears out of sight quickly. The playground also has little mounds in it, which the kids run up and down, roll down etc, in the middle of it, which means there is no one place you can sit and see the whole park. There are also mixed age-group things, so he can climb up high on the climbing frame and not get down. If I have DD in a sling, I can't carry him from above my head (I'm weak from bed rest inactivity and he's 2.5 stone of muscle) and if I'm feeding her, it's impossible to get him down.

Swimming would be hard with the two of them and to ne honest, im too exhausted to take DS alone right now too, if/when the mother's help is arranged.

I sound really pathetic. I'm actually embarrassed about this situation. I'm just so drained.

DS isn't happy in the buggy, but he is really into things that move, so isn't totally unhappy. I'm unhappy that he's not racing around and that I'm so crap. He does sometimes have a nap in the buggy.

I don't drive and things like swimming or soft play take a good 45 -60 mins on public transport, none direct.

DH said last night that he finds it tiring with the two of them, when I nip out.

DD will move out of this phase, I know - that's what I tell myself - and I don't for a second wish it differently because we were SO lucky that she was born healthy in all ways, on time AND the birth was good - and she sleeps well.

Which all makes me feel worse for being this drained.

I'll make an appointment for the cough and eyes.

Honestly? I think you should see gp as you seem quite overwhelmed.

Fwiw, i have a two year old who is also full of energy (aren't they all?!) and I have to do something active with him morning and afternoon. Here it is usually soft play or swimming in the morning and park /ducks/coffee shop in the afternoon. Are there any toddler groups you could take yours to?

There's also no way that mine would stay in a sleeping bag and he definitely needs help (stories, cuddles etc) to go to sleep so that sounds normal too. Could you keep baby with you in a sling while you do ds' s bedtime?

LIZS Sun 06-Oct-13 06:49:46

Yes go to dr and get the cough etc looked at , probably viral but I developed a form of asthma while living aboard and having similar.

Do you live somewhere with other families nearby ? Do you have any outdoor space in your accommodation ? I think you are exhausting yourself by being out so long. Once your dd also wants to be active it will be very hard to keep both entertained in a buggy. depending on the climate it may become difficult when it is high summer or during a chilly winter. Not everywhere has indoor soft play but short playmates , swimming and playgroups may ease your burden. Could you use a babysitter occasionally to take your ds out for a run in the park or watch your dd for an hour or two while you took him swimming ?

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 06-Oct-13 06:45:24

Oh and yes, go to the gp for the cough and conjunctivitis. Maybe you have a chest infection. After nursery and two hours or so racing round the park, your ds should be happy playing with his toys at home or snuggled up with you watching a DVD, while you have an all important rest.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 06-Oct-13 06:43:08

Another one who thinks you should let your ds run off some energy in the afternoons; can't imagine my two year old being happy stuck in his buggy for 2, never mind 5, hours! Look up small soft plays and parks where he can happily play while you watch him and bf dd or follow him round with her in the sling. It does get easier.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 06-Oct-13 06:39:59

2 to 5 hours a day walking while suffering a cough is too much. You need more rest to recover.

Cough that makes you vomit could be whooping cough so I'd get checked out. Also get conjunctivitis checked.

Hope you feel better soon

ilovechips Sun 06-Oct-13 06:34:12

Do both kids stay in the buggy for up to 5hrs? Or have I read that wrong? If so then I'm not surprised the toddler is full of energy, I can't imagine a toddler being happy to be in the buggy that long...but apologies if I've read that wrong. What about weekends/evenings, any support available at all?

TallGiraffe Sun 06-Oct-13 06:33:44

X-post!

TallGiraffe Sun 06-Oct-13 06:33:17

Is your toddler not frustrated by being in a pushchair for that long? Would it not be easier to let him burn off some energy running around and then play inside at home? Could you bf in a sling at the park?

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