Who is BU, me or DH?

(99 Posts)
OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 22:54:05

My Dh has asked me to put this to the vote on MN because he thinks I am being silly about something. Here's the problem:

We have a 2.5 yr old. He is a real little worrier, gets quite anxious and timid about stuff and needs a lot of reassurance about quite small things, like someone standing near him in a shop. On of his biggest things is that every night before bed, I have to spend ages reassuring him that animals are not going to come into the bedroom and 'get' him. I don't know where he got this fear from, but it is very real for him.

Anyway, earlier, I went to the loo before we started bedtime, and I came back into the living room to find him showing DS a YouTube video of a crocodile about to attack a baby gazelle. I took the iPad away and pretended it was a game, which DS fell for. I've watched the video since and the attack itself, which DS didn't see, is really brutal, bloody and horrible. Ds has just got a crocodile cuddly toy, and DH's reasoning is that it would be interesting for Ds to see what crocs are like. As though that's the only possible way of finding out more about crocodiles hmm

Dh says IABU for thinking this was a problem. I say he is out of his tiny mind to show such a video to a child of that age full stop, never mind to a tot who has a terror that animals are going to attack him. I must add that DH is an otherwise sensible chap, who is usually quite judgey about stuff like parents letting kids play age-unsuitable videogames, etc. I also pointed out that as it's always me who does the end of bedtime, it's all too easy for him to not worry about Ds being upset, as he won't be the one dealing with it (I don't begrudge doing this for Ds, please don't comment about that).

Who is BU?!

Thanks.

viperslast Sun 06-Oct-13 18:49:28

Hehe aibu is ace! Your poor dh op! Hope he can take the hard liners on the chin.

I like these threads (hysterics aside) op says is it me or him? Everyone says him. He says er yep I was actually oops lesson learned. How fantastic is that?!

Op you and dh sound wonderful, I am sure your ds is going to do great. Team work means you do occasionally have to field a few unintentional curve balls and you two clearly have each others back.

With the night fears, they will pass, this age is huge for imagination so keep swimming smile if you can find something ds loves/understands who will protect him it can help. For us it was accidentally the spirit of our family dog. She passed so we read the where's mog book which describes mog watching over the family. Dd decided that this meant she was protected at all times! Worked a a treat although it wasn't our plan.

oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 18:26:17

can't even kill a spider? DEFINITELY LTB grin
BTW, that is a joke

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 14:37:10

Thanks, Wanda, I appreciate you coming back to say this. He really is just a bit dense at times, and he accepts he needs to engage his brain a bit more and will stick to old clips of Bagpuss and Ivor The Engine, etc., in the future! DH doesn't have a nasty bone in his body, he is soft as shit. Can't even kill a spider.

WandaDoff Sun 06-Oct-13 14:18:33

I was the one that posted the 'nasty cunt' post.

Reading through, he sounds more daft than nasty. The comment was posted 20 secs after your 2nd post & we hadn't seen it & were going only on the OP.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:56:43

grin Oxford

ScrambledSmegs Sun 06-Oct-13 10:41:06

grin at BillyBanter.

I have to admit I haven't read all of the thread, just the OP's posts, so had missed some of the more extreme reactions.

I have to admit my DH can argue the sky is pink if he's feeling defensive. We both have stubborn personalities and neither of us like to feel like we did something stupid/wrong, so it makes for some veeeeeeeery drawn-out arguments about complete nonsense.

Whocansay Sun 06-Oct-13 10:39:52

blush Apologies, OP. I misunderstood your last post and thought he closed it when you came in.

I will step away from the pc now....

Dobbiesmum Sun 06-Oct-13 10:39:39

careful oxford you'll get accused of minimising it next...
is DS scared of dreams about animals or actual animals coming to get him? just having a think about what worked for my DC's when they were younger.

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 10:36:25

No. That sounds perfectly reasonable.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:34:43

Shit. I didn't read the whole thread. Good grief!
Poor Oxford
Aren't all DH's a bit annoying at times? I thought that was just married life. grin

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 10:34:43

BillyBanter, was he wrong to get that tattoo of Jimmy Savile on his forehead too... ?

Scrambled, no, he isn't a sexist knob, I wouldn't touch any man who thought I was 'only' a female anything with a bargepole. Everyone gets stubborn and defensive over something they should concede to, now and again.

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 10:33:51

YABU. You shouldn't show your child video of your husband gnawing on the bones of his victims.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 10:31:53

Sweet Jesus, what is wrong with people? I shut the iPad, not him. I heard the voiceover talking about unsuspecting gazelles, looked at it, thought Ds didn't need to see a gazelle die, and flipped the cover. DH wasn't arsey about it (only after Ds had gone to bed and got defensive when I told him he should have put more thought into the choice of vids). He certainly wasn't sinisterly trying to show him scenes of horror behind my back for some sick reason!

And raisah, you are being utterly hysterical. Utterly ridiculous. My DH thought he'd show our son a video of a crocodile because he was given a toy croc as a present, and he didn't think to turn it off when it became obvious that an animal was going to get attacked by a crocodile. To suggest that the next step would be for him to show our son human executions is absolutely disgusting and highly offensive. That you would make that sort of leap makes me more worried about your state of mind than my DH's!

And I have clearly stated already that Dh hates macho men who think boys should 'man up, and all that shit. He encourages Ds to play with whatever he likes, be it a pushchair or a doll, or whatever. Dh is the least macho guy I've ever met, if anyone who knew him heard that people were accusing him of having a 'man up' attitude, they would be weeping with laughter at the veryidea!

I have been incredibly naive to think that people wouldn't become hysterical and leap to preposterous presumptions on AIBU, haven't I? FFS...

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 10:26:04

I think the fact he killed your neighbours over the last malteser is the most telling sign that you should ltb.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:23:35

Yes. Hide and have a good Sunday.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:22:36

He is BU.

Phew. That was easy.

ScrambledSmegs Sun 06-Oct-13 10:11:40

To be honest he just sounds a bit thoughtless, albeit well-intentioned. I wonder if it will make him stop and think next time he has a bright idea like that.

However, did he really not admit he was wrong until a bunch of people on the internet agreed with you? Why on earth can he not accept it when you'd explained it to him? Is it because you're 'only' his wife?

That would have my blood boiling.

pictish Sun 06-Oct-13 10:05:19

The fact he shut it down when he heard you coming

Fact?
OP shut it down when she realised what was going on. She said as much.
Your version is more exciting...but it's not 'fact'...it's fiction.

Why do people do this? confused

Dobbiesmum Sun 06-Oct-13 09:59:52

I thought the OP shut it down, not her husband?

Whocansay Sun 06-Oct-13 09:57:49

The fact he shut it down when he heard you coming says to me he knew what he was doing and didn't want you to see.

I'm not sure he's as naïve as he's making out here.

Dobbiesmum Sun 06-Oct-13 09:55:16

Well he knows he's being U now but seriously calling him all these names? Come on people all we need now is for someone to use the words 'abuse' or 'neglect' and we have a full house in MN bingo! Total hysteria over a dumb thing done once by someone who didn't think through to the logical conclusion and will remember next time to pre watch anything he shares with his son.
Oxford when my DS was younger he spent a lot of time pretending to be a shark so we let him watch the Blue Planet series. Cue a week of nightmares about Angler Fish and other ocean uglies.. blush

ExcuseTypos Sun 06-Oct-13 09:50:08

I agree with Te, hide the thread Oxford and go and have a lovely day with your family.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 06-Oct-13 09:45:01

DH can be a bit like this - it's not purposeful, just a lack of thought, small argument, sees he was daft, end of debate. I think the main thing is that he gets wrapped up in something new/interesting to share with DC and forgets to keep one eye on the DC to see how they are coping/whether they understand. The older the kids are the easier it is, because if you miss judge something at least you can explain.

With explanations I am guilty of the same! It took both of us a while to get used to doing 1 sentence explanations and then waiting to see if they asked more.

So if he's sorry now I would give him a break and hide the thread, because this is AIBU and people will keep pilling on well after the point someone has said they are wrong.

pictish Sun 06-Oct-13 09:41:50

This is actually becoming funny now. grin

raisah Sun 06-Oct-13 09:41:05

What's he going to do next? Show your ds videos og exrcutions on you tube to make him 'man up'? What a cruel man.

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