to ask sahms

(159 Posts)
rosieposey78 Fri 04-Oct-13 19:49:07

If your working dh/dpis hands on in the evening.
Most evenings he does nothing because he does 13 hour dqys normally including commute.
Whenever I talk to other mums their partner appear to take over or at leat support in the evening.
What happens in your home?
I suspect he is being unreasonable.
We have 2 primary aged dc and an 11 month old.

rosieposey78 Sun 06-Oct-13 11:52:53

Sorry not had time to check back. Been a busy weekend. Dh was out most of the day doing his hobby and ferrying dc to activities. I was home looking after baby and tackling the house as I had visitors last night.
That is not typical. Most weekends he does diy. Finance bits and cooks one of the evening meals. I am still always the one getting baby dressed and making breakfast fo dc whilst he dozes or plays on tablet. He does get up really early during the week so he does normally get one lie in. I used to get the other but i now have a commitment which means it doesn't often happen.
I guess i would feel less fed up if what i do was appreciated. He never comments how nice house looks but does complain if its untidy.
What am i looking for. I guess i am looking for confirmation that he is unreasonable so i can challenge him again. Last time i probably wasn't specific enough and it just ended in a row.
Thank you for your responses.

rosieposey78 Sun 06-Oct-13 11:54:05

Although garden and diy are not every day or even every week tasks. Hence why he does them.

SpiritOfTheBuskersCat Sun 06-Oct-13 11:57:00

dp comes home from work, cooks tea and entertains dd while I put my feet up. He gets up with her everyday at 7 gives her breakfast while I sleep till 8 when he goes to work. If I get up with dd and him he makes my breakfast and tea too. Weekends he washes up and Hoovers

My dh is a shift worker too. When he is home he helps out with bed and baths and cleaning up after tea. But if I want something specific done like hoovering I would have to ask him.
I do all the laundry and cleaning unless we have visitors coming and I might ask him to go and clean the bathrooms or Hoover upstairs etc.
He works long hours and so do I. He also helps out with night wakings when he is at home and night time.
He does the nursery run and shopping as often as I do and maintains and cleans the cars every week.
I often think he doesn't do very much but looking at this I realise that is unreasonable! grin

BooCanary Sun 06-Oct-13 12:40:56

What would they be like if they lived on their own. Who would do the cooking, washing, cleaning, childcare? Of course they can do it. They just don't want to

I know exactly what my DH would be like if he lived on his own. I know this because there are bits of the house that I have washed my hands of (namely the loft and garage) and they are a frigging mess. Like obsessive compulsive hoarder type messy! Also I go away for the weekend a few times a year, and DH eats crap whilst I'm away. If he lived on his own, it would be oven chips and sausages every night probably! He would clean the house eventually and would wash clothes when everything had been worn, and probably then leave the washing in the machine or on the line for 3 days before putting away.

He tries hard to be less messy because he knows how much I hate it, and our house is fairly tidy as a result. However, I'm under no illusions that this would not be the case if DH lived alone.

Everyone has different standards.....

rosieposey78 Sun 06-Oct-13 15:08:26

I do think it is the child interaction bit that upsets me most. Today me and the dc were laughing and joking about something or other. Dh comes in the room puts tv on and moans that we can't hear the grand prix. No interest in what was funny. Also ds came home with some fantastic test results the other day. I was so impressed i wanted to show dh. But again watching something on tv took priority.

rosieposey78 Sun 06-Oct-13 15:09:03

Sorry he can't hear.

Thumbwitch Sun 06-Oct-13 15:38:29

Ah rosie, that IS shit.
DH has tried this with the News. I tell him straight that the News is not more important than his sons, especially as chances are he's already listened to it in the car anyway - he just has a "thing" about watching the 6pm News, as did his Dad. I just turn it off/down and get him to listen to DS1/look at DS2 as appropriate.

What would happen if you did that?

rosieposey78 Sun 06-Oct-13 16:54:59

Would probably moan.

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