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To be really offended...

(34 Posts)
welshinexile Thu 03-Oct-13 23:34:57

I am embarrassed to be offended by this but I really was!

My 6 year old has a little gang of school mates and we rotate tea & play. Was organising play dates and its my turn to have the gang of 4 mates for tea. One of the kids said to me and another Mum immediately that he wouldnt come for tea if it was at my house!

Am offended!! WTF is wrong with my house?! Kids are horrible!

Jinty64 Fri 04-Oct-13 14:16:56

I would just have invited the other two!

Laurel1979 Fri 04-Oct-13 13:48:35

Yes I agree that it was rude, at that age they should know not to say it aloud to offend anyone. My DD just turned 7 and I can't think of any of her friends who would be likely to say this.

BillyBanter Fri 04-Oct-13 13:38:16

I think the best thing would have been to say then, or now. Well the invitation is open for you if you change your mind.

CeliaFate Fri 04-Oct-13 13:11:09

Yanbu to be offended, he was rude.

If you and your family are happy with your house and are welcoming to visitors, then there isn't a problem.

If your dc are embarrassed by it and it's causing issues with friends then I'd try and do something about it for my dc's sake.

Hoojimiflip Fri 04-Oct-13 11:40:19

How did the mother react when asked? Is your little boy ok? Hopefully he hasn't noticed anything smile

welshinexile Fri 04-Oct-13 11:03:37

I did mention it- i just wanted to find out that we hadnt done anything to upset him as feeling really mortified about it! Its all fine I think!

WahIzzit Fri 04-Oct-13 10:53:47

Hmm. No I dont think I would mention it to be honest. She may feel embarrassed and force strongly encourage the child to go to yours, even if he doesn't want to. As I mentioned kids are fickle and he may well be happy to go later on, but if he does not change his mind then he can go ahead and tell his mum who can then inform you.

DeWe Fri 04-Oct-13 10:46:44

I would say to her "your dc said he didn't want to come to my house, could you see if something's upset him because my dc would love him to come."
Chances are she'll coem back wither saying he does want to come or with something really little from our eyes but big to a 6yo.

welshinexile Fri 04-Oct-13 10:35:30

I need to say to the mum that i have offered to have them all over for tea- should I mention to her that her child said he didnt want to come?

spongebob13 Fri 04-Oct-13 10:18:37

my 5 year old niece was holding my hands and swinging off me and being affectionate and then said with a smile "why are you so fat"? I wanted to smack her. I just said " I don't know pet, ask you mum she will know!". she happily skipped over to her mum (who is lovely but also very slim and beautiful) and saw he smile, lean down to her daughter, then looked horrified and put her in the car then mouthed sorry. I waved at her in a "its ok" sort of wave then turned and smiled smugly to myself.

DeWe Fri 04-Oct-13 10:12:37

I don't think that's a big deal in a 6yo. At that age something quite small can set them off.
I had a friend's house I hated going to straight from school because they ate really late. We usually ate about 5:00, they ate at 8:00. I would always come back feeling migrainy and sick. I eventually used to take some biscuits and eat them in the toilet when they didn't know. Looking back, I should have said something, and I'm sure they would have happily got me a snack and, probably even felt embarrassed that they hadn't offered. But at that age, I didn't have the confidence to ask.

I would have asked why, and tried to resolve it though.

WahIzzit Fri 04-Oct-13 10:12:11

Haha 'make one feel embarrassed' grin meant make me feel embarrassed. Not a posh person at all

WahIzzit Fri 04-Oct-13 10:09:47

Aw yanbu

I am rather sensitive like this too, and get upset/embarrassed. Kids speak their mind, say irrational things too. But he may well say he doesn't want to go to your house one day, and be quite happy to go the next. Kids are strange little creatures grin

A cousin has a ds who always speaks his mind, even now at 11 he has no 'control switch' or proper awareness of what's inappropriate to say. I always cringe when he tries speaking to me in a room full of people, as he comes out with some rubbish or another to make one feel embarrassed. (Things like 'why does that old woman have a moustache' in a VERY loud voice. 'Urgh you have so many spots' 'How old are you? You look about 50' to a 30 year old.

FunnyRunner Fri 04-Oct-13 09:56:57

Best thing is probably to calmly say, 'Why is that, little shit Jimmy?' in a kindly tone. And then explain that it is his choice whether he comes or not.

But I appreciate that you were caught on the hop. It's all very well thinking these lines up after the fact isn't it?!

FWIW I am / was quite an emotional person too but I had one friend who didn't like my house 'because there were crumbs on the table' and I was hmm rather than upset. My mother was no domestic goddess to be fair. But seriously, they were crumbs, not killer bees.

MummyPig24 Fri 04-Oct-13 09:47:26

Did you ask him why he wouldn't come? Cheeky little thing!

treas Fri 04-Oct-13 09:45:45

Oh he definitely deserved a "Did you mean to be so rude"grin

shellbot Fri 04-Oct-13 09:34:13

I wouldn't worry as it might not be anything to do with your house. As others have said it could be any number of things.

I know what you mean though. One of ds friends (7 at the time) called my car old and silly looking. I was gutted but slightly relieved as for a minute I thought he meant me! Although he might have had a point grin

CoffeeTea103 Fri 04-Oct-13 07:53:25

Sorry at 6 that is rude. I know plenty of kids who do not say things like that, lack of manners.

welshinexile Fri 04-Oct-13 07:14:19

Our house is small & messy so maybe the kid doesnt like that. I am upset for my DS though as he heard his 'friend' say this. I have always wondered if this boy actually likes my son but as my son has asked to have him round, I have gone with that. My son is a very emotional little boy and this child is the opposite so maybe they aren't very compatible. Am still upset about it though.

Hoojimiflip Fri 04-Oct-13 01:38:53

Are you more strict/do you have higher standards than the other parents? Conversely is your home untidier than others? Has he visited before? Did you provide snacks which he didn't enjoy? Or is he just a selfish, ill mannered little so-and-so?!? I've had children visit who I'd happily never see again but I've also been to a house that I'd prefer not to let my children visit again. I had a little boy (4?) tell me once that my party bags weren't very good grin

BillyBanter Fri 04-Oct-13 01:30:14

I couldn't have asked. What if he'd said in front of everyone 'because auntie Billy has the smelliest farts' or 'she's always picker her nose' or 'her house stinks'.

Who knows what it might be about your house that offends a 6 yr old boy.

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 04-Oct-13 01:09:18

Did he give a reason like smell or untidiness or lack of food or just rubbish food.Why doesn't he like your place? What did he say?

Lottystar Fri 04-Oct-13 01:07:12

I'd feel offended too - not so much for myself but sad for my little one. Why would this playmate not want to come over and spend time with their friend?It is probably nothing and the kid in question is probably 'just being a kid ' and needs a lesson or two in good manners but perhaps gently ask your child if their friends enjoy coming over to play and what they'd like to do on the play date? If your child seems happy, that's all that really matters smile

BrianTheMole Fri 04-Oct-13 00:05:36

I'd have said, oooh, you're not coming? Never mind. All the more ice-cream for everyone else then.

welshinexile Fri 04-Oct-13 00:01:52

I didnt ask why not but wish I had- I think I was too shockef/ embarrassed!!

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