How can children be overlooked so terribly?

(36 Posts)
PepeLPew Thu 03-Oct-13 22:29:37

I know it may seem dramatic but I’ve become really upset at the recent news regarding children’s wellbeing. I know it’s nothing new – but now I’m a parent (to a 9 month old) I am faced with a helpless baby every day: I get upset when I change her / when I make her food / when she smiles / when she cries. She remains my priority – but in the back of my mind I am thinking of what the children reported in the news have gone through.How they didn't understand why they are being abused and how to stop it. Those that are still facing the same situations. I literally cry when I feed her sometimes – especially at night ( yes – we still have a night feed : > ) because I feel so guilty that she is fed, warm, safe and allowed to get the rest she needs whilst others are not so lucky. Im so angry with the abuse of power and responsibility within the social system and I feel helpless.
Again – it sounds dramatic but I don’t know how I can be of any use other than charity donations, which feels like a payoff

SparkleToffee Fri 04-Oct-13 18:54:13

These recent cases are terrible and break my heart. You are right since becoming a mum it makes it even harder to understand ...... Whenever my children are ill for some reason it always makes me think of those little children who are neglected.. It makes me worry who cleans them up when they sick, who sits up all might when they have a terrible cough, who cuddles them when they are hot and keep having nightmares ....

I know neglected children are treated harshly and without care all the time, but for some reason the being ill thing always makes me want to cry.

I think we can all do done thing by being vigilant to neglect. But apart from that I do also feel like I can't do enough .... Poor little things .

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 04-Oct-13 19:05:07

What upsets and appals me, too is Hamza's brothers and sisters, who continued to live in that house and experienced that abuse and neglect and the knowledge or suspicion that their brother was gone. Their lives are possibly blighted too.

Hissy Fri 04-Oct-13 19:11:13

DS was born the same year as little hamzah, and I remember baby P, and all I thought then and now, is WHY? If you hate the child so much, why not abandon it? Give it up, put it up for adoption?

Anything'd be better than the torture those boys were put through. That poor girl too, Keira wasn't it? Terrible.

Daniel P's story made me feel physically sick.

Tbh, i'm furious at the SS system playing the 'naïve card. We all have instincts. We work in an area we have greater instincts.

These children were failed by every single person that ever met them.

Lessons aren't being learned. Nothing's changing.

This is England, this is 2013, this situation isn't acceptable that we have children being treated like this amongst us.

Someone needs to kick some serious SS arse, some serious educator arse, GP & police too.
children are being harmed by their parents, there's DV, there are courts that insist on contact between violent abusers and their children.

We have to send a message that says, if you fail to adhere to the rules of common decency, of civilised society, then you DON'T start off with an equal footing to someone that does.

Fair means fair in thé best possible sense. Fair does not always mean 50:50.

thebody Fri 04-Oct-13 19:12:22

it shows that you are humane and can empathise.

thank god for those qualities as that's what keeps your babies safe and sound.

I remember being terribly upset by the Dunblane shootings as my older dss were the exact same age as the children who were shot.

I remember my parents crying over the Maria Coldwell case.

in my opinion these evil bastards have far too many chances and I really do hope there is such a thing as karma.

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 04-Oct-13 19:29:58

What upsets and appals me, too is Hamza's brothers and sisters, who continued to live in that house and experienced that abuse and neglect and the knowledge or suspicion that their brother was gone. Their lives are possibly blighted too.

Yes, my heart goes out to those children and also Daniel Pelka's older sibling who was forced to make up stories for Daniel's abuse marks e.g. how he 'fell' broke his arm and the sibling also passed food under Daniel's door but was punished for it. sad

somewherewest Fri 04-Oct-13 19:33:58

Nothing's changing

That's the heartbreak of it. The exact same issues seem to come up again and again (particularly poor communication between different agencies and a tendency of those involved to prioritise the 'needs' of parents over children). I know someone will be along in a minute to accuse people of SS-bashing and to go on about how some children will die of abuse and neglect whatever we do, but would it be so easy to say that if the children in question were yours, or known to you?

somewherewest Fri 04-Oct-13 19:44:04

Comment on another case from a while back, from a paper not exactly amongst the 'usual suspects' for blaming SS.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/oct/03/birmingham-failing-prevent-child-abuse-keanu-williams?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 04-Oct-13 20:07:04

I'm a student social worker and in our lecture on safeguarding this week, not a single person defended the poor practice in the above mentioned cases (and others). In every single SCR in the last decade and more, it has pointed out that SS failed in some way. It may not have been major but even little mistakes can lead to huge consequences. The system is the real problem and the lack of communication but that does not and never will absolve individual SWers of their responsibilities.

pulledmuscle Fri 04-Oct-13 21:52:06

I feel similar to all the posters here, it is reassuring to know people havent become complacent or desensitised by the horrofic stories that appear time and time again. I remember jasmine becketts case, i mustve only been ten but i went to my room and cried uncontrollably, looking at my wallpaper and thinking of the sheer hell of the poor babys situation to be in such a state as to scrape the paper off to eat something.
I stopped giving to the nspcc after baby p's case, i would like to give but i never see any change to policies, just more paperwork instead of going out there and preventing the scum from continuing to abuse.

ipadquietly Fri 04-Oct-13 22:36:19

Was I the only person who thoguht the OP's question was about children at primary schools?

PepeLPew Sat 05-Oct-13 21:12:11

I'm so glad people responded, it really helps to hear other opinions / voices. 'm quite a practical, let's get this done person; it's hard to hear the clock tick and worry that nothing is changing in the meantime. I also wish it was easier, like "we need a / b / c done" and then it would be a case of finding people who can fill these roles.

@LaurieFairyCake: that must be really hard, I can only imagine how stressful each visit / encounter might be.

I don't think I could be a social worker or a foster parent (at this time). But I am looking into teacher training. I have considered this in the past and maternity leave has made me re-think this option and provided a distance to my current job. I work in market research and I do actually enjoy my work and it's challenges - but I don't feel it's very useful. Im ashamed to admit that it pays much better than teaching...

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