AIBU to think this was worst dinner guest ever

(227 Posts)
AlleyAlleyO Thu 03-Oct-13 16:42:59

DP's friend C came round last night for dinner, with his new girlfriend, F. We have only met her briefly, in the pub.

We invited them over last night, I did a slow-cooked pork and apple thing, with blackberry tart and whipped cream for dessert.

Initially I'd done the whole 'we're having this for dinner, hope that's OK' and C had gone 'ooh lovely', no objections from F.

When I served dinner, she just sort of looked at her plate and said 'actually, I'm a bit fussy. I'll have a bit of the sauce though, and a slice of bread to dip in'.

Cue apologies from me, are you sure that's all you'll eat etc. She maintained it was fine, she'd just have a bit of bread. I was pissed off, but whatever.

I brought her the bread and continued my own dinner. Two minutes later, F asks if there is any butter as she now doesn't want to dip the bread in sauce, she just wants bread and butter.

I go and get her the butter. She eats bread and butter.

Long story short (C looking embarrassed, DP shocked, me fuming) when dessert comes out, she seems pleased and asks what kind of tart it is. i say blackberry. She says she's sorry, but she doesn't eat anything picked from the wild.

I ask her does can I get her anything else, she ends up eating mini jammie dodgers from the biscuit barrel. They leave soon after.

I am still not over the shock and have told DP she's never coming round for dinner again- or if she does, I'm not counting her in grin

Lavenderhoney Tue 08-Oct-13 14:51:52

Thanks LGOsmile I was single without dc at the time and even I could see her dh was an unhelpful arse.

LessMissAbs Tue 08-Oct-13 11:38:36

I hate stewed fruit puddings, they almost make me boak, but even I managed more than half of one at a dinner at friends recently. And then I excused myself by it was delicious but I was too full to eat any more.

Its just basic manners to eat whatever is put in front of you when invited out like this. I'm surprised at how many people don't though. I had a friend up recently, and while she is lovely and there was no falling out, I was a bit surprised when she turned up her nose at the fillet steaks I had bought to cook for dinner, and insisted on being driven round town looking for an Indian takeaway that met her requirements!

LeGavrOrf Tue 08-Oct-13 11:29:15

Oh lavender you do sound lovely, and very kind in that case.

MaddAddam Sat 05-Oct-13 19:19:40

I'd be irritated, but I'd assume an eating disorder. I've had such a bizarrely high proportion of friends with eating disorders that I'm a bit too used to people who'd rather nibble at a dry crust/pretend a tin of tomatoes with a herb on top is exciting/ really only want a black coffee/ practically weep with relief if I've made a veg soup without any fat or potatoes that I'd just add this woman to the list.

I love food and drink, myself. But I've got used to people who just don't find it easy to ingest calories casually.

Lavenderhoney Sat 05-Oct-13 17:30:45

lGO, I didnt think to expect anything else! There were about 20 people round the table, dc still up and racing about, and she had been at the winesmile

I felt sorry for her tbh, and I sent flowers because she didnt mean to serve something I didnt like, and said sorry. She was a nice lady and took on too much.

limitedperiodonly Sat 05-Oct-13 16:22:23

I don't have a problem with you OP because the thread was meant to be light-hearted, wasn't it?

I just hate the way people pile in on these threads with: 'I'd eat soiled loo paper soaked in bleach because it's polite.

'Mind you, I hate liver.'

Your food sounds delicious. But we are entitled to say politely we don't like something.

Trills Sat 05-Oct-13 16:07:53

The thing that confuses me here is that they knew what they were having for dinner before they came round. They were told in advance and he said "lovely".

Did the friend not know that his girlfriend didn't like these things? Or is she wildly inconsistent in her eating habits?

LeGavrOrf Sat 05-Oct-13 15:53:45

Lavender I think that's really strange. She noticed that you didn't like spaghetti, so instead of offering you something else she just let you eat it and then told you at the end and you send her flowers?
I think she was rude. A good host, if she noticed that you evidently didn't
Ike something, really should have offered you something else. Why be such a martyr?

And let's be honest, some people's cooking skills are dire. Perhaps some of these people are turning their noses up at some ghastly cooking [wink{

It seems a bit odd that on mumsnet everyone is very keen to support those children who have sensory disorders and quite simply would be distressed by being forced to eat some kinds of food, however when they are adults they should simply suck it up and eat everything on their plate because it would be 'rude' not to.

And again, personally I have no axe to grind, I have no problems in eating any old shit.

Dillytante Sat 05-Oct-13 11:05:03

DH & I debate this a lot as I think he is fussy & he thinks I am fussy. He doesn't like most vegetable but will eat them if we are guests at someone else's. it's my view that he can't not like them that much, he's just being fussy. If I don't like something I just can't force myself to eat it. He thinks that's fussy. It's not a lot of things, but I just couldn't force myself to eat them.

That said I was a really fussy/disordered eater as a child/teen & far from being attention seeking it was a constant source of anxiety.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 04-Oct-13 20:01:27

I must have told this one before, anyway family about to sit down together to eat the main meal, doorbell goes, ex service buddy of Dad's standing there.

"Thought I'd pop round", so he's made welcome, everyone budges up and Mum fetches another plate, not a lot to stretch to a 5th, so FHB (Family Hold Back) and uninvited guest gets the best bits, food and drink flow his way.

After plates are cleared Mum asks, "Anyone for any more, there's some left", Spike or whatever he was called pipes up, "Yes please, no veg but I can manage some more chicken, oh don't hold back, bit more".

Clears his plate, sits back and when anyone else would normally say thanks or even stretch to a compliment, says complacently,

"Well, that filled a hole".

HavantGuard Fri 04-Oct-13 19:52:46

One friend in particular was my justification for getting a lovely set of tapas dishes. She doesn't like food touching other food. Or sauces. Or meats other than beef. Or tomato. I do around a dozen plates of different foods, she picks what she fancies and doesn't feel pressured.

HavantGuard Fri 04-Oct-13 19:48:25

I know some people who have very restricted eating habits. They respond to dinner invites by saying that they are fussy eaters or that they have restricted diets and suggest reversing the invite so they cook or getting a takeaway instead so the host doesn't have to trouble themselves. If the host expresses an interest in still cooking they explain what they do eat.

My exbf, who I'm still in touch with, and is one of my closest friends, was very limited in what he ate.
I was fine with that, I catered to him, and he loved everything I made.
He was never rude.
He saw how much I loved food and has greatly broadened what he eats now, to almost anything.

The thing that makes me laugh is that it was his birthday last month, I sent him a Jelly Belly machine. I won't touch the bloody things, they're horrid!

IamChristmas Fri 04-Oct-13 19:04:58

I was a massive pain in the arse at a meal once, I look back and am so embarrassed, I don't know what came over me! It was my partners work do, I really didn't want to go but he had persuaded me to by telling me I could have a burger as there would be a BBQ ( I love burgers). On the day I was tired, hungover and just feeling rubbish. I went to get a burger and was told " oh sorry, the burgers are just for the children, you can have something from the adults table".

I was gutted, the adults table had some burnt looking grisly bit of steak,or some fish thing. I really tried to convince them to let me have a burger but they were adamant, so I had a really petulant PA strop in front of all his work colleagues and refused to eat anything apart from a bread roll blush I think my bottom lip actually wobbled.

Not my finest moment, but having a pile of lovely longing burgers in front of me and being told I was too old to eat one just pressed all the wrong buttons!

limitedperiodonly Fri 04-Oct-13 18:45:57

This is why I like going out to eat.

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 18:40:33

'That said, I don't have a problem with limited eaters, I do have a problem with fussy/picky/rude eaters.'

This. I always ask, too, if they have anything they can't eat or don't like and then say what we will be having to run it by them if possible.

I cannot eat cheese or crème-based foods because I have little tolerance to lactose.

Making sick noises is unspeakably rude and even as a host if someone did that I would have to say, 'Did you mean to be so rude and offensive?'

Jins Fri 04-Oct-13 18:37:17

And this is why I refuse invitations to eat at other people's houses.

People take it so personally. Expecting people to eat something they don't like just to be polite. Feeling rejected if someone picks at food. It's just so controlling and weird to me.

It makes me glad of my food allergies. I can just say that catering for me is just too complicated but shall we have drinks instead. And everyone breathes a sigh of relief. grin

(Well some don't but I don't care much)

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 04-Oct-13 18:31:32

I went to a dinner party once when two of the dinner guests (who were not in a relationship) got drunk and frisky and ended up having a shag under the table. I can't remember what we ate.

limitedperiodonly Fri 04-Oct-13 18:26:51

But it's not a judgement motherinferior grin

I used to cook for some vegetarian friends who would say they felt guilty for always coming round to me.

I didn't mind because (a) I like cooking; (b) it was always the same vaguely curry thing that was easy and (c) they brought loads of wine and they had to get a cab at the end whereas I could stagger to my bedroom.

When I was 19 my friend invited me round and asked me if there was anything I didn't like and I said no because I couldn't think of anything.

Her mother served sausages and mash with sweetcorn. I couldn't eat it. The sweetcorn, I mean, but she was offended. It's yellow. That was revolting to me. Totally alien. And there were no fried onions or butteryish juices because she grilled the sausages WHICH IS WRONG.

It didn't help that it had diced carrots in it. Carrots are my second favourite vegetable behind peas. But not diced ones. I like sweetcorn now but the tinned stuff, not so much whole cobs unless they're really fresh and definitely not those mini cobs for stir fries that just taste mouldy.

I was 18 before I ate in a Chinese restaurant. I was amazed that I liked it. It was pretty pedestrian but I gave it a go.

My Indian restaurant staple was lamb pasanda. So meat in a mildish creamy gravy.

I'm a really adventurous eater, as is DD, we'll try anything and we eat most things.
We do both have dislikes, but could eat them in company if we had to.

That said, I don't have a problem with limited eaters, I do have a problem with fussy/picky/rude eaters.

If someone said to me, 'Oh, sorry Netto, I only eat fishfingers and chips, would it be ok if I came over to your party after the meal?'
I'd think that fine.
If they came over and made boaky noises, spoiled the meal with their behaviour and demanded fishfingers and chips, I would have a problem.

It's not what people eat, it's how they eat it, and how their manners are.

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 18:10:47

And that's what he did. He came at about 12, he determinedly refused all offers of food, and he watched us eat the most weirdly awkward three course meal I've ever had.

flea, why on Earth did you not say to Z, 'That doesn't work for us. We will be eating then. It works for us if you come at 2 since you won't be eating.' Then, at the end of the conversation, you re-affirm, 'See you at 2 on Sunday.' He balks, you say, 'Then it's best you don't come along. It will be awkward for us to eat in front of you and spoil the atmosphere. Let's arrange another time then.'

motherinferior Fri 04-Oct-13 17:55:16

I feel, possibly unreasonably, rejected if I've gone to the time and effort and expense of doing a nice meal and some fussy twerp picks at it.

limitedperiodonly Fri 04-Oct-13 17:43:28

I'd have shrugged and given her what she wanted. It was only bread and butter. It wasn't like you had to make a last-minute forage to Fortnum and Masons.

Maybe he'll stick with her and maybe he won't. I don't know why so many people have mentioned it. If her food preferences are deal breaker then maybe she's better off without him.

I realise now that I was a fussy eater until my mid-twenties, though at the time it seemed entirely normal because that's the way I'd been brought up. Now I eat everything except for olives, hummous, beetroot and oysters. Yay, cosmopolitan me.

My mother was a good but unadventurous cook. Interestingly, her repertoire included offal, which lots of people, including some contributors to this thread, can't stomach.

She also thinks it's weird to mix fruit and meat, and others on this thread agree with her.

That's okay. But if you turn up your nose at liver, which I'd eat without complaint, you can't criticise someone else's dislikes.

What I'd find unacceptable in my house would be guests bickering. Those people would be struck off with no mercy.

phantomnamechanger Fri 04-Oct-13 17:36:32

OP, if and I seriously doubt it they do make a go of it as a couple, be sure to take a packed lunch to their bread and butter wedding reception

Lavenderhoney Fri 04-Oct-13 17:36:27

Strange behaviour, op.

I was invited to a dinner party where I knew no one except my bf, and we were a lot younger than everyone - the hostess lifted up the lid of the tureen to reveal a mound of spaghetti bolognaise, which I detest. I don't like pasta, and I hate mince and the two together... Well, I felt my eyes widen in disbelief, and she said " help yourself" so I did. I made myself eat a portion.

When we were leaving, she suddenly gave me a big hug and said " I saw what you did, I'm so sorry, I thought everyone would like spag Bol"

I sent her flowerssmile

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